Punctuation Introduction

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Like grammar nerds like to say, punctuation is a matter of life and death. There's a huge difference between "Let's eat, Grandma" and "Let's eat Grandma."

Ba-dum ching!

Yes, grammarians can also be cornballs. But grammar truly is a matter of life and death… of your dignity as a writer. And as a human being.

You could write that, "Rachel Ray finds inspiration in cooking her family and her dog." Oof.

You could post a sign in the disabled/family restroom at your establishment that reads "Attention: toilet only for disabled elderly pregnant children." Oof. Oof. And also—what?!

And it ain't just commas that spell the difference between cannibalism and family dining or embarrassment and writing proficiency.

Without periods, you could end up writing "I have two hours to kill someone come hang out." (Terrifying.)

Overindulgence in quotation marks could have you saying that your restaurant serves the best "chicken" in town, leading hungry would-be patrons to think "Uh, what is that chicken really made out of?"

Basically, all punctuation is there for a reason. It shows degrees of separation and emphasis. In fact, when you think about it, punctuation symbols are a lot like road signs. No, they're not huge and green. They tell your reader when to look alive and anticipate, when to slow down, and when to come to a complete stop.

Simply put, punctuation symbols are a powerful tool. Use them to get your audience to read your writing exactly how you want it to be read. Feel the power!

Disclaimer

Punctuation is, uh, kind of made up.

See, it was originally used to help people know when to pause in a sentence. Comma was a short pause, semi-colon was a longer pause, and period was a full stop. So who are we to tell you that YOU CANNOT USE A COMMA THERE?

Plus, with the thousand ways we now have to communicate, punctuation is always changing. Remember when a period didn't mean you were angry? Those were the days.

Bottom line: take everything everyone says about punctuation with a grain of salt. Yes, you need to pass your grammar exam, but you don't need to deal with grammar tyrants.

Quiz Yourself on Punctuation

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Identify the punctuation error in the conversation.


Alfred: It's a beautiful day outside, isn't it.
Batman: Must you always only point out the good things in life? What about that gray cloud in the sky?
Alfred: Turn that frown upside down! It's 70 degrees and sunny. What more could you ask for?
Batman: I prefer my temperature to be 73.6 degrees exactly. Stop telling me what to do!


(A) isn't it.
(B) sky?
(C) down!
(D) do!

Which sentence is grammatically correct?

(A) The merchant said, "Sir Knight, if you like the armor I have made, please tell others, 'I got it from Andrew's Awesome Armory.'"
(B) The jousting tournament began in earnest when the king announced, "Jousters, to the ready. Let the games begin"!
(C) The first contestant wanted to yell, "Die, festering scum," but settled for 'yeehaw' instead.
(D) The lovely royal ladies all giggled when the handsome knight asked, "Which fair lass would like to accompany me to the ball tonight"?

Choose the option that accurately describes the statement below. 


Uncle Bill is my favorite family member because he has some pretty odd hobbies—extreme ironing, competitive dog grooming, and campanology.


(A) The dash should be replaced with a colon.
(B) The dash is the correct form of punctuation for the sentence.
(C) The dash is too dramatic for the topic of the sentence.
(D) Both A and C are correct.

How would you correct the following passage? 


Joe bought a tractor. I'm surprised that he would buy something so bizarre. I understand that he has money to spare, but he lives in the middle of New York City. What good is farming equipment going to do in a 40-story apartment building?


(A) Replace the period after "tractor" with a question mark.
(B) Separate the second sentence into two short sentences
(C) Write out "forty" instead of putting the number
(D) Change the question mark to an exclamation point.

Which of the following is not a complete sentence?

(A) Help!
(B) Alas!
(C) Well!
(D) They are all perfectly complete in every way.

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