Punctuation Introduction

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Like grammar nerds like to say, punctuation is a matter of life and death. There's a huge difference between "Let's eat, Grandma" and "Let's eat Grandma."

Ba-dum ching!

Yes, grammarians can also be cornballs. But grammar truly is a matter of life and death… of your dignity as a writer. And as a human being.

You could write that, "Rachel Ray finds inspiration in cooking her family and her dog." Oof.

You could post a sign in the disabled/family restroom at your establishment that reads "Attention: toilet only for disabled elderly pregnant children." Oof. Oof. And also—what?!

And it ain't just commas that spell the difference between cannibalism and family dining or embarrassment and writing proficiency.

Without periods, you could end up writing "I have two hours to kill someone come hang out." (Terrifying.)

Overindulgence in quotation marks could have you saying that your restaurant serves the best "chicken" in town, leading hungry would-be patrons to think "Uh, what is that chicken really made out of?"

Basically, all punctuation is there for a reason. It shows degrees of separation and emphasis. In fact, when you think about it, punctuation symbols are a lot like road signs. No, they're not huge and green. They tell your reader when to look alive and anticipate, when to slow down, and when to come to a complete stop.

Simply put, punctuation symbols are a powerful tool. Use them to get your audience to read your writing exactly how you want it to be read. Feel the power!

Disclaimer

Punctuation is, uh, kind of made up.

See, it was originally used to help people know when to pause in a sentence. Comma was a short pause, semi-colon was a longer pause, and period was a full stop. So who are we to tell you that YOU CANNOT USE A COMMA THERE?

Plus, with the thousand ways we now have to communicate, punctuation is always changing. Remember when a period didn't mean you were angry? Those were the days.

Bottom line: take everything everyone says about punctuation with a grain of salt. Yes, you need to pass your grammar exam, but you don't need to deal with grammar tyrants.

Quiz Yourself on Punctuation

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Which of the following is not a complete sentence?

(A) Help!
(B) Alas!
(C) Well!
(D) They are all perfectly complete in every way.

Which option below revises the sentence to make the dash more appropriate? 


The spider crawled down the wall—and onto my sister's head.


(A) The spider crawled down the wall—landing on my sister's head.
(B) The spider crawled down the wall—and onto my sister's head!
(C) The spider was crawling down the wall—my sister's head was right there.
(D) The spider was crawling down the wall—straight toward my sister's head!

What step would you take first to improve this list?


My grandma has certain rules when it comes to cooking in her kitchen:


  1. You never, ever question the genius of the chef: it's their recipe, after all
  2. You always let the chef have the first bite: it's only fair
  3. The chef never does dishes: they've worked too hard already
(A) Replace the first colon with a period
(B) Change the colons in the list to semicolons
(C) Place a period at the end of the list items
(D) No fixing needed

Identify the punctuation error in the conversation.


Alfred: It's a beautiful day outside, isn't it.
Batman: Must you always only point out the good things in life? What about that gray cloud in the sky?
Alfred: Turn that frown upside down! It's 70 degrees and sunny. What more could you ask for?
Batman: I prefer my temperature to be 73.6 degrees exactly. Stop telling me what to do!


(A) isn't it.
(B) sky?
(C) down!
(D) do!

Chester is writing a horror short story for her English class. Which of the following choices uses ellipses most effectively?

(A) Arya ran into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. She leaned against it, panting. She could hear footsteps approaching. Her pursuer moved quickly yet deliberately, and with each thud of his boots, Arya's eyes widened with fear. He reached the door and then… nothing. Total silence. What was he waiting for?
(B) Arya ran into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. She leaned against it… panting. She could hear footsteps approaching. Her pursuer moved quickly yet deliberately, and with each thud of his boots… Arya's eyes widened with fear. He reached the door and then nothing. Total silence…. What was he waiting for?
(C) Arya ran into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. She leaned against it, panting. She could hear footsteps approaching… Her pursuer moved quickly yet deliberately, and with each thud of his boots, Arya's eyes widened with fear. He reached the door and then nothing. Total silence. What was he waiting for?
(D) Arya ran into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her… She leaned against it, panting…. She could hear footsteps approaching…. Her pursuer moved quickly yet deliberately, and with each thud of his boots, Arya's eyes widened with fear. He reached the door and then… nothing. Total silence. What was he waiting for?

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