Alimony

You said "I do." You stamped on the glass. Then, he told you to take the garbage out one time too many, and that was it. You realized that your high school sweetheart connection really revolved around your shared love of football games, and not around the witty repartee of dinner conversation you'd hoped for as you went through law school, and he went through nail salon certification.

So now, you owe him an analogous lifestyle of what he left, and you pay him alimony as a financial representation of that lifestyle. You owe it until he marries someone else, so for free, you include in the monthly check a complimentary subscription to JDate.