Skirt Length Theory

Bohemian, mini, pencil, A-line, wrap, midi, maxi, hi-lo...the skirts of the world.

In finance, the skirt length theory is simple. The idea goes like this: short skirts means the stock market can be expected to rise. Remember how pumped Shania is when she’s singing about men’s shirts and short skirts? She knows what’s up with the stock market. Bare knees, bull market, as they say. When skirts get longer, markets can be expected to fall. Grungier, less-sexy times ahead for the stock market and the catwalks alike.

Do investors take this seriously? If they do, they probably wouldn’t tell you. It’s more of a superstition or an idea than an economic indicator. Unless...maybe it really is. Minis in the early 80s...boho skirts in the late '80s (market crash in 1987). Remember how long hems were in the 1920s? They rose with the stock market...until The Great Depression, that is.

Since we’ve gotten all the way to micro-minis and thong-style bikini bottoms, there’s not much farther up we can go. Does the micro-mini mean the beginning of late-stage capitalism? Is it only longer hems from here on out, back on our way down from the peak of the economy?

Keep your eyes on headlines and hemlines. But don’t be creepy about it.