Social Security Number (SSN)

They used to want to tattoo these things on us not long after birth. Seriously. Go check out The X-Files if you want the Hollywoodized version, but an SSN is basically a human serial number that gets us...benefits.

In theory, when we retire, after having paid in loads of dough via Social Security taxes, we'll receive money back from the government. The system has failed (most of us would have done better just keeping the money on our own and investing it in index funds). A few bad savers...the undisciplined, the unwise, the unthrifty...couldn't be trusted to save money for their futures. So the government stepped in and took over that process. And, in reallocating those savings, the poor (those who couldn't earn much of anything to save, let alone barely eat), get a much broader share than the "wealthy," who retire with just enough money to take care of themselves.

So the SSN is your ticket to receiving those distributions when you retire, when you begin to receive Social Security payments. It's your ticket into our banking system in a lot of settings, into our broader credit and investing system, and a whole bunch of other benefits you get for being American. But no free tattoos.