The Real Poop

The Real Poop

Ice has been abundant on the Earth's surface for many centuries. Heck, they even named a historical period after a time of particular abundance. And a movie.

But aside from cutting holes through it for fishing purposes, some people had a bit of trouble finding recreational uses for ice.

That changed in the mid-18th century, though. Records show that during that time, people in England began to adapt a game from Egypt that first originated as far back as 2000 BC (source). With that, the game we know and love as hockey was born.

Ice to beat you. (Source)

Today, this slippery sport is played across much of northern Europe and Russia, as well as in Canada and the United States. Even Mexico has a large contingent of players.

Hockey has proven to be very popular on college campuses, as well. However, that doesn't mean you can pick up a stick and puck just anywhere. Division-I hockey is only offered at 59 colleges, and of these, only one (University of Alabama—Huntsville) is in the South and only a handful are west of North Dakota (source).

Those of you seeking diplomas in the Southwestern United States, like in New Mexico or Nevada, will have to satisfy your hockey kicks through video games instead of the real thing. Sigh.

While ice hockey doesn't bring in ridiculous money like football and basketball, it's still one of the top revenue-generating sports in the NCAA (source). Since reasonably big money is at stake, finding talented people to play the game is a serious business: Each year, over 4,000 men and 2,000 women suit up for organized hockey at the various NCAA levels (source).

Some players get their roster spots because their dad's uncle's neighbor's podiatrist knows the coach's mechanic, but most display the powerful skating ability and nimbleness with the puck to make college coaches drool.

Finding places to hone this ability can be tough, though. Some of the skills required can be practiced by playing street hockey, where roller skates (or no skates) take the place of ice skates.

But for those looking for the true blue ice hockey atmosphere, you'll have to live near a recreational facility that maintains ice rinks, live in a cold climate where you can find frozen bodies of water…or become close personal friends with someone like Frozone.

Here, board-checking is not allowed…or even possible.

Assuming you can find yourself a place to play, it's time to focus on becoming good enough to make an impact at the college level. Most high-profile players are high school stars that also shine in junior hockey leagues. In order to get as good as them, you may need to play for a travelling team and/or train year-round. It sounds like a lot of work (and it is; we won't lie), but the payoff of a partial or full-ride scholarship could make it well worth the sacrifice.

Of course, these sacrifices will all be for naught if coaches don't know what you can do. That being said, there are many ways you can get noticed. Prepare a video that showcases your skills. Reach out to as many hockey programs as you can. Add bulk to your frame by hitting the gym as well as the ice. Come up with a cool nickname like The Great One or Sid the Kid.

And always keep in mind that clever puns are worth extra cool points.

No matter how you try to stand out from the crowd, though, remember that you need the numbers to back you up:

  • Centers should be able to win 50–60% of all face-offs (source).

  • Wingers should be physical presences on the boards, yet they should be skilled at passing and shooting the puck (source).

  • Elite goalies should have save percentages above .900 (source).

Your amazing stats will mean nothing if you're not academically eligible to play, however. You'll need to pass your college entrance exam with flying colors and maintain a high GPA: a 3.0 GPA should be enough to get you in, and a 2.3 GPA should keep you eligible in college.

Of course, you should always try for higher marks. Be the best you can be, Shmooper.

And once you get into college, you can't exactly rest on your laurels. Your coach will expect you to perfect your puck handling and positioning. Your team's fan base will be expecting you to win—and often. Every fall, new sharpshooters will arrive on campus with an eye to replacing you on the team's line shift. Plus, your professors will expect you to complete your coursework.

And yeah, your parents and your friends will probably still want some attention, too. Ugh, right?

If you're feeling a little discouraged, there's a slight upside to all this hard work and sacrifice. Your team could qualify for the Frozen Four, where games are broadcast across the country. Success in the Frozen Four could lead to Olympic glory or professional opportunities in the NHL or European leagues.

But if the puck doesn't bounce your way (and odds are, it won't), you'll still have the memories and satisfaction of competing at a high level…and hopefully a valuable degree to fall back on.

If you think this is all a far-fetched dream or if you clicked on this module by mistake, thanks for reading. We can always use page views. But if you're passionate about hockey and want to see what it takes to make it (and we mean really make it) at the collegiate level, keep on skating through the rest of this guide.