The Real Poop

The Real Poop

Jordan, James, Bryant: all legendary names in the basketball world. Now, what about Griner, Swoopes, Bird, and Taurasi? No, that's not military code; these are female basketball superstars. Obviously…

What, not familiar with those names? Yeah, we figured. Let's be clear right off the bat: this isn't a sport that's going to come with fame and fortune. It's one that's played because of passion and love for the game.

Cheesy enough for you? Well, good. Cheese is delicious.

Who knew angles like that were physically possible? (Source)

If you're reading this, we're sure you've daydreamed about what it would be like to play at the big-time level. It would be awesome, right? The attention, the free clothes, waving hi to your mom when you play on TV. You know, the good stuff.

Okay, truth bomb: it's hard. Like really, really hard. College comes first and it's very competitive. There's the grades, the game, and the other talented, 6'7" women standing between you and the WNBA. It's not an easy path. But hey, if you still want to give it a shot, just be prepared. It'll be the deepest three-pointer you'll ever try to make.

We applaud the seasoned vets who have played since the fourth grade. You know, the girls whose coaches told them they're "one of the best players they've ever coached." Lame inspirational movies have been made about these girls. You go, girls.

Here's the thing, though: every other team also has a star player. Competing in youth and high school athletics means playing against a bunch of people who won't play that sport competitively once they turn eighteen. When you get to college, everyone will be a star player. You'll be playing against the best of the best…of the best.

Thinking about going pro? Only the smallest percentage will make it. Literally. The odds of an NCAA hoopster making the jump to a professional women's league is less than 1% (source). "But what about me, Shmoop? Am I not…one in one hundred?" Oh, aren't we all? By the way, here's something you might find useful.

Okay, but maybe you are in the top 1%. If so, congrats. Those are really great odds, especially since there are only 11 players on each of the 13 WNBA teams, making for 143 total WNBA players (source). And 27,710 NCAA women's basketball players (source).

If you're good enough, you may be able to earn a scholarship to play in college, but it won't be easy unless you can consistently ball like a champ. NCAA women's basketball teams carry about 15 players. The Div-I programs usually have enough funding to offer a scholarship to each player, but Div-II programs have only ten scholarships per team, and Div-III programs have…none (source). Womp womp.

The competition is fierce, so start working on those push-ups and jump shots now.

Gotta sink those shots. (Source)

We're sorry if you've been banking on basketball as a career. We really are. Seriously, we don't like crushing people's dreams. We do, however, believe in always being prepared. For you, our particularly baller Shmooper, we've compiled this brief list of tips to get into the NCAA:

Tip #1: Learn how to dunk. And we don't just mean dunking your Oreos into a glass of milk. We can do that in our sleep.
Tip #2: Acquire mad b-ball skills. Simple, right?
Tip #3: Always bring an umbrella. You know, in case it rains (scholarship offers). 

Okay, here are some more useful tips. First, a college basketball player better have pretty good aim. Fade-away jumpers and beyond-the-arc miracles are important, but you need to have a foul average smaller than your GPA. Also, you have to have a stellar free throw percentage and arms of steel. 

Can't hit a lay-up? Maybe you should try a different sport. You'll need pinpoint accuracy to earn the ppg to get onto a college team.

Also, we're not saying you need have to be like Cheryl Miller or Candace Parker, but you should be able to consistently knock down shots. We're talking more nets-a-snappin' and less rims-a-clankin'. Catch our drift?

This goes without saying, but we're going to say it anyway: college b-ball players need to be crazy athletic. You will have to do sprints and suicides for days on end to be prepared. Basically, you should aim to have the speed and endurance of an Iditarod huskie. We're not even exaggerating. Basketball stars need to be superhumans just to blend in with the team.

Only 3.7% of high school girls' basketball players will be able to compete in college (source). On top of that, only the top 1% of all girls who play basketball in high school will wind up playing NCAA Div-I women's basketball (source).

Those are crazy statistics. Your odds of getting arthritis are better—especially if you're an athlete. But hey, on the bright side, your chances of getting struck by lightning are lower. There's always a silver lining.

Lastly, how do those grades look? A lot of people forget that NCAA basketball players are student-athletes. As a college athlete, you'll need to keep those grades up. Blow off your classes and you'll be sitting in the stands with the rest of us. Pretzel?

We suspect the lamp is used as a hoop when class is not in session. (Source)

If you're serious about being a college basketball player, then you'll need to get after it. Buy a basketball and practice dribbling. Turn those garbage cans into hoops. Just be sure you clean up the mess because in college, no one else will do it for you.