Quote 1
"[…] A man wants a woman who will make life easy for him. She should be attractive, well groomed, knowledgeable in music, painting, and running a house, but above all, she should keep his name above scandal and never call attention to herself." (3.32)
This is a pretty short summary of what Gemma is going to Spence to become, and what she feels she has to fight every day: losing her sense of self and becoming a robot with no desires but to make her husband happy.
Quote 2
"Tell Mary to leave me alone. I don't want this power she's giving me."
"She's not giving you the power, miss. Just showing you the way."
"Well, I don't want to follow! Do you understand, Mary Dowd?" (8.31-33)
Often Gemma doesn't want power like this—it is scary to her and makes her feel even more foreign and stranger than she already does at Spence. She just wants to be normal.
Quote 3
"Mother was Father's equal," I say coolly. "He didn't expect her to walk behind him like some pining imbecile." (3.33)
Gemma has a strong sense of self-worth and a good foundation of equality from her parents. Even though they still got along in the social system set up for the English, they also seem to have recognized some of its problems—at least, this is what Gemma took away from her childhood.