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David is a Ladies' Man
- Get out the tissues, Shmoopers. Samuel dies and the people mourn for him.
- Actually, it's been so long since we've seen or heard from Samuel, we almost forgot he existed. But don't worry, he'll be back. Really, he will be (1).
- While Samuel's body is getting cold, David is over in Carmel trying a protection racket. He approaches a farmer named Nabal and offers him protection for money, mafia style.
- Nabal, not having seen The Godfather, refuses the offer that shouldn't have been refused. Unfortunately for Nabal, he does this by insulting David (2-20).
- Infuriated, David and his men are ready to strap on their swords and teach Nabal a lesson.
- Fortunately, Nabal's wife Abigail shows up with food to plead her husband's case. She explains that he is an idiot, but that David will regret his decision to kill him when he becomes king.
- David accepts the peace offering because we all know, the way to a man's heart is with food (21-35).
- Nabal is oblivious to everything that has transpired. When Abigail explains the whole situation to him in the morning, the Lord strikes him dead. Suspicious if you ask us (36-38).
- When David hears that Nabal is dead, he wants to marry Abigail.
- The lovely lady agrees to the proposal even though her husband's body wasn't even cold yet. But we don't blame her, she's already wasted too much of her life on a fool (39-42).
- David also marries a woman named Ahinoam, which gives him a total of three wives.
- However, Saul gave Michal to another man. We wouldn't want to be that other guy because David is going to get his first wife back (43-44).