It's the morning after the dinner party and the Monkey King has just commanded all his monkey subjects to wear shoes and not disturb him. Someone's a little grumpy…
The Monkey King stays in his super-deep Batcave and studies kung-fu even more.
After forty days, he masters four major skills or "disciplines of invulnerability": the invulnerability to fire, cold, drowning, and wounds.
Forty more days pass and he masters another set of skills, the "four major disciplines of bodily form": giant form, miniature form, hair-into-clones, and shape shift.
What are these skills? They're pretty much exactly what they sound like. The Monkey King can get bigger and smaller (like Alice in Wonderland, only without the pills); he can also turn his loose hair into clones of himself and change the shape of his body. Pretty neat, huh?
When the Monkey King finally emerges from his cave, he receives a notice from the Dragon King of the Eastern Sea that he's received the death sentence for "trespassing upon Heaven." If that sounds like trouble's coming to you, you're absolutely right.
The Monkey King isn't worried, though. In fact, he's not even the Monkey King anymore since becoming a master of all those kung-fu disciplines. He renames himself the Great Sage, Equal of Heaven. A small ego is definitely not one of his problems.
The Monkey King strides off to make himself known to all those beings in Heaven.
But before he does that, he makes a pit stop at the Dragon King's digs to deal with that little matter of his execution.
When he gets to the Dragon King's place, he actually does get his head chopped off, but that doesn't matter because the Monkey King is no longer just a simple Monkey King—he's the Great Sage, Equal of Heaven, which basically means he's the ultimate bad-ass.
To point that out to the Dragon King, the Monkey King stomps on him. Now who's boss?
The Dragon King isn't dead of course (all these guys are pretty much immortal), but he is humbled. In fact, he sees the Monkey King off and gives him a magic cudgel.
Then the Monkey King visits Lao-Tzu, the patron of immortality.
Then Yama, caretaker of the Underworld.
Then the Jade Emperor, ruler of the Celestials.
And he wreaks some serious havoc.
Which is why all the gods, goddesses, etc. band together and complain about the Monkey King to the emissaries of Tze-Yo-Tzuh. Who's that? You and the Monkey King are about to find out.
While the Monkey King is beating up some random guy, this towering, long-white-haired dude with a huge walking stick shows up and asks Little Monkey where his anger comes from.
Being called Little Monkey doesn't go over too well with the Monkey King, which means Monkey's about to fight (again).
But Tze-Yo-Tzuh is different. He's the creator of all being and things; he's the ruler of the universe. In other words, think God/Jesus, only Chinese and way into cryptic sayings.
He tells Monkey that Monkey can never escape him, but Monkey's like, sure I can.
So off Monkey goes on his cloud-steed to prove Tze-Yo-Tzuh wrong.
Monkey flies everywhere until he reaches the end of world, where he sees five golden pillars.
Like a total punk, Monkey carves his name onto one of the golden pillars. Then he pees on it. Class act, that Monkey, class act.
Then he flies back to Tze-Yo-Tzuh and brags about what he's done.
Only Tze-Yo-Tzuh has something up his sleeve. Literally, as in his hand and fingers, one of which has Monkey's name carved on it and pee at the base of it.
Uh-oh. Yep—Monkey didn't really pee on a golden pillar; he peed on Tze-Yo-Tzuh's finger which was disguised as a golden pillar. The guy really is everywhere.
But Tze-Yo-Tzuh's a decent man/creator of the universe. He calmly tells Monkey that he created Monkey and so he asks Monkey to please stop his violent rampage.
Monkey almost seems to be listening. And then he decides to do the worst thing possible: he challenges Tze-Yo-Tzuh anyway.
Tze-Yo-Tzuh just sighs and buries Monkey under a pile of heavy rocks, where Monkey stays for five hundred years.