The narrator tells us that for three days, Don Quixote hung out with Roque. As they move on, they come upon the ocean and see it for the first time. Sancho can't believe that there are giant boats walking on the water with dozens of feet. What he's looking at, of course, is a Spanish galleon with dozens of oars.
The men that Roque has written his letter to suddenly come up to Don Quixote and Sancho, telling them that they're big fans.
The men offer to act as servants to Don Quixote and Sancho and to lead him into the city of Barcelona, with drums beating in the streets to signify their arrival.
Two insolent young boys stick thorns into Rocinante's and Dapple's bums and escape back into the crowds before anyone can catch them.
Part 2, Book 1, Chapter 62
Don Quixote and Sancho arrive into the home of a wealthy man named Don Antonio.
Don Antonio tells Don Quixote that he has a special head made of metal in his library that can basically speak on its own and tell the truth about whatever question that's put to it.
But before they check out the head, Don Antonio wants to lead Don Quixote on a little parade through the streets. When he does this, though, he sticks a little scroll to Don Quixote's back that identifies Don Quixote as the dude from the famous books.
As they march through the streets, Don Quixote is amazed at how many people recognize him. One guy reads the scroll and tries to smack-talk him, but Don Antonio and his men quickly shush him.
That night, there's a dance at Don Antonio's house. Don Quixote tries to dance a few steps but is so awkward that he says he'd rather head to bed.
The next day, Don Antonio leads Don Quixote into his library with a bunch of other people to check out his truth-telling head.
When Don Quixote asks the head about his beloved Dulcinea, it tells him that her curse will soon be lifted, which makes the Don very happy.
The head speaks on its own and tells Don Quixote that it knows who he is. Everyone is impressed, and the head even tells a few dirty secrets about one of the women in attendance. Everyone is much impressed, and word starts to spread about the magic head.
The truth is, though, that Don Antonio just has a metal tube running down into his basement that someone speaks into. The head is actually hollow and the tube leads into it. Don Antonio just tells his servant in the basement how to respond to each question before they hold a session in the library.
After word gets to the city's local clergymen, the clergymen order Don Antonio to destroy the head out of fear that people will think there's some sort of heathen magic at work in it.
Later on, Don Quixote goes for another trot around the city and comes to a printing shop. Inside, he sees men setting the typeface for a book, and asks what it is. They tell him it's the Part 2 of the story of Don Quixote. He tells them that he is the true Don Quixote and that the book is a lie. Cervantes takes another opportunity to discuss how stupid the forged edition of Don Quixote, Part 2 is.
The chapter closes with Don Antonio promising to take Don Quixote to see the Spanish galleons the next day.
Part 2, Book 1, Chapter 63
Don Quixote arrives to check out the Spanish galleons with a lot of pomp and circumstance. There's music playing and everyone seems happy to see him there.
When Don Quixote, Sancho, and Don Antonio reach the galleon, the strong sailors pick up Sancho and pass him around over their heads, saying that it's a welcoming tradition. Don Quixote, though, says he'll have none of it.
Don Quixote and Sancho go onto the ship, and the thing launches out from port. They aren't at sea for long before they spy a vessel on the horizon. It looks like a boat from Algeria, meaning that the Spanish will be eager to capture it for hanging out in Spanish waters.
The sailors quickly catch up to the boat and board her. But while they're taking over the ship, two drunken Turkish dudes kill two Spanish soldiers with muskets.
The little boat briefly escapes after this, but the Spanish galleons quickly overtake it and lead all of its crew back to shore as prisoners.
The Spanish admiral demands to know who's in charge of the ship, and he is greeted by a young man who isn't even twenty years old. The admiral demands to know why the person had his men killed.
Before the young man can answer, a viceroy (even higher ranking than the admiral) comes onto the ship and asks what's up. The admiral gives him the skinny on the murdered Spanish soldiers and says he plans on hanging all of the little ship's crew.
The admiral then demands to know who the ship's captain is, to which the captain replies that she is a Christian woman. The admiral is shocked by this, but when the young man takes off his disguise, he is clearly a beautiful young woman.
The young woman tells the group that her parents are Moors, and so she was expelled with them out of Spain. She also talks about how she fell in love with a young Christian named Don Gaspar Gregorio, and he with her, before she was forced out of Spain.
The young woman and her family moved to Algiers (Algeria). But when the king heard about her arrival, he wanted to know how beautiful and rich she was. She told him that she had a lot of money buried back in Spain, hoping that the king would not try to assault her sexually if she promised him money.
During this time, the young woman also found out that Don Gregorio had travelled to Algeria on the same boat as her.
The problem is that Don Gregorio is a very handsome young man, and the girl telling the story insists that the Middle Eastern Turks are even more sexually attracted to young men than to young women. Yeah. We're not even going to go there. Anyway, for this reason, she told the king that Don Gregorio was actually a girl and asked that he be dressed as one. The king agreed to this idea as long as she promised to come back to him with her family's money.
Now, the young woman has found herself aboard a small Algerian ship, looking for a way to get back to Algeria and to save her lover, Don Gregorio, who lives there as a woman.
When the young woman finishes telling her story, the viceroy unchains her. Meanwhile, an old pilgrim who has come onto the ship falls to his knees and declares himself the girl's father. It turns out to be Ricote, the dude from Sancho's hometown who ran into Sancho while Sancho was on his way back to the Duke's from Barataria. He calls the girl by her full name, which is Ana Félix.
The viceroy is so moved by Ana Félix's story that he pledges to figure out a plan for getting Don Gregorio out of Algeria. Eventually, a Spanish renegade from Ana's boat volunteers to fetch Don Gregorio with a dozen other men, and they set out.
Ana Félix and her father Ricote are invited to wait at the home of Don Antonio, who will happily provide everything they need.
Part 2, Book 1, Chapter 64
Don Antonio's wife likes Ana Félix so much that she invites all of her friends over to converse with the fine young lady.
Don Quixote, meanwhile, is sulking because he wasn't chosen to go to Algeria and single-handedly rescue Don Gregorio. Don Antonio promises him that if the renegade fails, they'll send in Don Quixote.
While riding along the beach with his lance the next day, Don Quixote is stopped by a strange figure who looks just like him, except that he has a big white moon painted on his shield.
The guy introduces himself as (you guessed it) the Knight of the White Moon. He challenges Don Quixote to a duel. Why? Because, he says, his beloved lady is more beautiful than Dulcinea.
Don Quixote accepts the man's challenge. But the Knight of the White Moon also says that if he (White Moon) wins, Don Quixote will have to return home and give up being a knight for a whole year.
Don Quixote agrees, and the duel with the Knight of the White Moon begins.
The Knight of the White Moon easily defeats Don Quixote, then rides off after getting the Don's promise to fulfill his vow.
When people come to see if Don Quixote is okay, he is as pale as a sheet and seems to think that he's in some sort of bad dream. Can it be true that his adventures are about to come to such an abrupt halt?
The viceroy and his servants put Don Quixote in a chair and carry him back into the town, defeated.
Part 2, Book 1, Chapter 65
Don Antonio is very curious to find out who this Knight of the White Moon character is who has suddenly ended Don Quixote's time as a knight. So he has a dude follow the White Moon guy back to an inn in Barcelona.
After some pestering, the knight agrees to tell the servant who he is. He's actually the university student Sansón Carrasco, who (you might recall) swore vengeance on Don Quixote way, way back at the beginning of Part 2 of this book. The first time around, Carrasco disguised himself as the Knight of the Mirrors. This time, he just took on a new alias.
Sansón, you see, managed to do some practicing for this duel. That's why he was able to beat Don Quixote.
Don Antonio hears this and is skeptical that Sansón's plan will cure Don Quixote of his madness. He also says that for all of his madness, Don Quixote has done the world a lot of good by keeping people amused. He even goes so far as to say that he hopes Sansón's cure doesn't work on Don Quixote.
While Don Quixote sulks in his bed, Don Antonio comes to him a few days later with the good news that Don Gregorio has been safely returned to Spain and that Ana Félix and Ricote's banishment has been repealed. Don Quixote is cheered up a little by this but still feels terrible about not being able to be a knight for a year.
Two days later, Don Quixote gets out of bed and resolves to ride back to his home with Sancho to begin his one year of penance for losing his battle with the Knight of the White Moon.
Part 2, Book 1, Chapter 66
Before he leaves Barcelona, Don Quixote takes a moment to stare at the place where his career was ended by the Knight of the White Moon.
Sancho tells Don Quixote not to be so mopey, and so the two of them start riding for home.
On the fifth day of their journey, they see a group of people gathered outside an inn. When the people see Don Quixote and Sancho approach, they say that Don Quixote should help them settle a dispute, which the Don is happy to do.
Sancho cuts in, though, and says he should resolve the dispute, since he did such a good job of it as a governor.
Sancho gives the people a satisfying answer. Then he and Don Quixote ride on.
That night, Sancho and Don Quixote sleep comfortably under a starry sky.
When Don Quixote and Sancho resume their journey the next day, they're confronted by a young man who is none other than Tosilos, the Duke's servant who chose not to fight Don Quixote so that he could marry Doña Rodriguez's daughter.
It turns out, though, that the Duke has had Tosilos beaten for disobeying him, has fired Doña Rodriguez, and has sent Doña Rodriguez's daughter to live in a convent. Not the happiest of endings to that story, either.
Don Quixote and Sancho have some food with Tosilos, then move on.
Part 2, Book 1, Chapter 67
As Don Quixote and Sancho continue on their homeward journey, Don Quixote suddenly has the thought that he and Sancho should become shepherds for the year they're away from the world of knights and battles.
Sancho thinks this could be a good idea, as long as Don Quixote foots the bill for all of it.
Don Quixote and Sancho talk about how they can become famous for all of the sweet shepherd poetry and music they'll write.
As they walk, Don Quixote makes another request for Sancho to pull down his pants and give himself some of the lashes that he promised he would give. But Sancho thinks it still isn't the right time.
Part 2, Book 1, Chapter 68
Don Quixote and Sancho fall asleep for yet another night. But while they're sleeping, Don Quixote gets frustrated with how little Sancho seems to care about Dulcinea's curse or about Don Quixote's defeat by the Knight of the White Moon.
Don Quixote wakes Sancho and accuses him of being ungrateful, but Sancho says he has always done everything he's told, which will eventually include all of the lashes he was supposed to give himself.
As Don Quixote and Sancho talk, they hear a bunch of grunts and other noises that are heading straight toward them. They brace for a battle. But it turns out that the noise is coming from 600 pigs that some farmers are driving toward a nearby fair.
Sancho asks for Don Quixote's sword so that he can hack at the pigs, but Don Quixote insists that this is just punishment for his defeat.
When it's all over, Sancho falls back asleep while Don Quixote leans against a tree and sings a love song about wanting to die. Yeah, the dude's starting to feel pretty down.
The following night, Don Quixote and Sancho see ten horsemen heading towards them, all armed to the teeth. They surround Don Quixote with their weapons pointed at him and signal for him not to say a word.
These people take Don Quixote and Sancho to a nearby castle, where the narrator tells us they find some very strange things…
Part 2, Book 1, Chapter 69
Don Quixote and Sancho are led into the courtyard of a castle, where they see some sort of stage set up in the middle. Two people, whom Don Quixote recognizes as the Duke and Duchess from earlier in the book, come in and seat themselves at the side of the room, as if they're spectators watching a stage.
In the center of the room lies a young woman who appears to be dead, with candles lit all around her.
Don Quixote and Sancho are forced to sit down. Then a guy comes by and claps a strange robe and hat on Sancho. The robe is black with flames drawn all over it.
While this is going on, another person comes before them and starts reciting a poem called, "Altisidora's Dirge."
Then two guys dressed as ancient kings come out and say that Altisidora has died from a broken heart because Don Quixote did not return her affections. And the only way to restore her, they say, is to pluck 25 individual hairs out of Sancho's beard.
Sancho, of course, can't believe that young ladies' cures always depend on him getting hurt. He argues that it's not fair that he's always getting lashed and plucked for things that have nothing to do with him.
Eventually, Sancho lets them prick his chin. But when they start sticking him with pins, he picks up a torch and waves it around to make the people back off.
Around this time, Altisidora gets bored with lying on her back and shifts around a bit. Seeing this, the spectators all yell, "She lives! She lives!"
Seeing this, Don Quixote also tells Sancho that this is the best time for him to start taking some lashes for Dulcinea, since his skin seems to be super magic. Just look at how quickly it restored Altisidora from death.
Sancho says no way and gets ready to leave, which the servants let him do. He also asks the Duchess if he can keep his strange robe and hat as keepsakes from his strange adventure. She doesn't see any harm in it; she has always had a soft spot for him.
The Duke and Duchess also offer them a room for the night, which Don Quixote and Sancho accept.
Part 2, Book 1, Chapter 70
In this chapter, we learn that the Duke was informed ahead of time that Don Quixote and Sancho would be passing his castle on their way back home. Who told him this? Who else? Sansón Carrasco, a.k.a. the Knight of the White Moon.
When Carrasco first went looking for Don Quixote, he expected to find him at the Duke's castle (he read Sancho's letter to Teresa). But finding him gone, he needed the Duke's directions to find Don Quixote in Barcelona. The Duke agreed to help Sansón, though, only if Sansón returned to tell him when and if Don Quixote would be heading back home. That's why the Duke's big show about Altisidora and the whole masquerade was already ready when Don Quixote met with the Duke's servants on the road.
Don Quixote gets up to set out from the Duke and Duchess's castle when Altisidora walks into his room with a staff, pretending to recover from death. He returns to bed and pulls a sheet over his head, while Altisidora takes up a chair and comes to his bedside.
Altisidora tells Don Quixote about how she died when he refused her advances. Then she tells him that when she entered the world of the dead, she saw a bunch of devils playing tennis with flaming racquets. But instead of a ball, they used a copy of that fraudulent Part 2 of Don Quixote we've been hearing about throughout this story. Cervantes just keeps those potshots at the false Part 2 coming.
Once again, Don Quixote says that he can't be with Altisidora, because he's in love with Dulcinea.
Finally, Altisidora's ego can't take any more rejection from an old man. She loses it on him and says he's truly insane if he thinks that a beautiful girl like her would ever think about being with an ugly old man like him.
Altisidora's speech is interrupted by a visit from a musician, followed by the Duke and Duchess. They have some pleasant conversation with Don Quixote and Sancho before the latter two take their leave and set back on their journey.
Part 2, Book 1, Chapter 71
Don Quixote has had enough of Sancho's delays. He puts his cards on the table and demands to know how much money he'll have to pay Sancho for every single lash he's willing to take.
Sancho haggles with him for a while before agreeing to lash himself for a good price. And a good price multiplied by 3,300 is a very good price for Sancho. Still, getting whipped really hurts, so let's see how this plays out.
Sancho says he doesn't want Don Quixote to see his bare bum, so he takes Dapple's bridle to make a whip and walks off toward some trees. Don Quixote says he'll listen to the sounds and count using his rosary beads to see how many lashes Sancho gives himself.
Sancho goes off to some trees but quickly decides after seven or eight lashes that being whipped isn't fun at all.
So instead, Sancho starts whipping a nearby tree as hard and fast has he can. To help make things seem real he also pretends to scream in pain.
Eventually, the Don fears for Sancho's life and tells him to stop for the day, saying that he can finish up later.
The next day, they stop at an inn, and Don Quixote asks if Sancho plans on finishing his lashes that night. Sancho says he'd like, if possible, to do his whipping near some trees, since they calm him (yeah, right).
When Don Quixote thinks of it, he wants Sancho's wounds to heal before he finishes his job, so he decides that Sancho shouldn't whip himself until a few days later.
Sancho says they might as well get it over with (you know, because he's a liar).
Part 2, Book 1, Chapter 72
Don Quixote and Sancho spend an entire day at the inn waiting for the arrival of night so that Sancho can finish his self-whipping.
While Don Quixote is hanging out, he strikes up a conversation with another guy staying at the inn. His name is Don Álvaro Tarfe and he's actually a character in the fraudulent version of Don Quixote, Part 2. Yeah, Cervantes isn't going to let this one go.
This Don Álvaro replies that he has met Don Quixote, not realizing that he is actually talking to the real Don Quixote.
Don Quixote points out Don Álvaro's mistake. This means that not only is there a false Part 2 circulating around in the world of Don Quixote, but there's also a second man posing as Don Quixote. This is all getting really weird, especially considering that there are only a few pages left in this book.
Don Quixote and Don Álvaro call in a local magistrate (a kind of lawmaker) to have Don Álvaro pledge that the Don Quixote he met in his past is a total fraud and that the Don Quixote of Cervantes's book is the only true Don Quixote. Cervantes is crossing a lot of weird lines here for the sake of showing us that the fake Don Quixote is dead and buried, along with his author (hopefully).
That night, Don Quixote listens from a distance as Sancho pretends to finish his whippings. After that, they come to the top of a hill that overlooks their hometown. Sancho falls to his knees and weeps with joy when he sees it.
Part 2, Book 1, Chapter 73
As they enter the village, Don Quixote is worried that he's encountering a bunch of really bad omens. Sancho tells him that he's being silly.
Soon after entering the village, Don Quixote and Sancho run into the curate and Sansón Carrasco (a.k.a. the Knight of the White Moon). Don Quixote, of course, doesn't realize that Sansón is the man who made him promise to come back home.
The curate and Sansón embrace Don Quixote while some kids go running to Sancho's house to tell the family that Sancho has returned.
Sancho's wife and daughter, of course, still think that Sancho is a governor. But he needs to break the news to them that he quit that position.
Don Quixote takes the curate and Sansón aside and tells them about his plans to become a shepherd for the next year. The men think this is a great idea, since it is a fantasy that'll surely help calm Don Quixote's nerves. They even agree to be shepherds with him in their free time, and they get a little excited at the idea of composing beautiful pastoral songs as shepherds. After all, everyone likes to use their imagination a bit.
When Don Quixote brings this news home, though, his housekeeper and niece ask him why he can't just stay home and be a normal dude. If he can't be a knight, why does he have to go out and be a shepherd? What if he freezes in the winter, or burns up in the summer?
Don Quixote tells the household not to mind, promising that he'll always take care of them. That said, he asks them to bring him to bed because he isn't feeling well.
Part 2, Book 1, Chapter 74
And just like that, the book tells us that Don Quixote fell sick and died.
How, you ask? No one really knows for sure, but everyone figures that it has something to do with him losing his spirits following his defeat at the hands of the Knight of the White Moon.
More specifically, Don Quixote suffered from a fever that kept him in bed six days leading up to his death.
And here's the craziest thing about his death (and maybe even the entire book): Don Quixote totally snaps out of his madness on his deathbed and renounces everything he's done in the entire book. He claims that there have never been such things as knights-errant and says that anyone who'd ever think so is a downright idiot. In other words, everything we've been reading about for the past thousand pages has been a total waste of time.
Don Quixote even reverts to calling himself by his real name. A thousand bucks says you can't remember it from the start of the book. Just kidding—we won't pay, either way. His real name is Alonso Quixano.
While Don Quixote is dying, he calls upon someone to come and write down his last will and testament.
Don Quixote lets Sancho Panza keep all of the money he has ever left in Sancho's possession. And the Don begs forgiveness for leading Sancho around on such a wild goose chase.
In a touching moment, Sancho cries and begs Don Quixote not to die.
Next, Don Quixote appoints his niece the sole inheritor of his large estate, on one condition. When and if she gets married, she can't marry a guy who reads or cares about books about knights-errant. That's how committed Don Quixote is to making sure that no one repeats his foolishness.
The last thing Don Quixote asks for in his will is, believe it or not, for the curate and Sansón to tell the author of the fake Don Quixote Part 2 that his book totally sucked and that the real Don Quixote is sorry he ever gave the guy an excuse to pick up his pen and write. Yeesh, you think Cervantes was annoyed about that?
At that point, Don Quixote lives for another three days before finally passing away.
After his death, various villages in his area compete for the title of Don Quixote's hometown. As his name passes into legend, they all begin to claim that their village is the inspiration for Don Quixote's hometown. This is actually still the case today, more than 400 years later.
The last thing we have access to is the epitaph on Don Quixote's tombstone.
At the close of the novel, the narrator takes one more opportunity to tell us that, without a doubt, Don Quixote is now dead and buried. In other words, nobody out there should try to pick up a pen and write a Part 3 to his story. It's over! Capisci? Comprende? Understand? You follow? Nobody.