The Colonel is freaking out because he has a date with his girlfriend Sara to meet her parents (dun dun dun), his shirt is way too wrinkled, and anything he does to try to iron it fails miserably.
When Sara arrives to pick him up, the couple start bickering before they even walk out the door. Blah blah blah, Sara's parents will never approve, blah blah, don't antagonize my parents…
So the Colonel stays to drown his sorrows in sour milk and alcohol.
The pay phone in the hallway rings and it's Sara. The conversation ends poorly.
After the Colonel finishes the conversation, he explains to Miles why the extensive hazing and urine in the Colonel's shoes—the Weekday Warriors think that the Colonel ratted Marya (Alaska's ex-roommate) and Paul (Marya's boyfriend) out to the Eagle.
The Colonel waxes eloquent on his poor relationship with Sara, proposing that they're both bad for each other and that they should break up. Of course, they don't.