"A Think Piece"
- We cut to Elaine teaching psychology at community college. She can't concentrate. "Rock stars have kidnapped my son," she tells her shocked class.
- A desperate William is now in Greenville, calling Lester for advice. Ben Fong-Torres of Rolling Stone needs his article soon, and William has to return home for graduation.
- "Tell him it's a think piece," Lester advises, "about a mid-level band struggling with their own limitations in the harsh face of stardom." He chuckles. "He'll wet himself."
- William has an unconventional conversation with Penny in the bathroom, during which Penny convinces him to stay on tour longer.
- The other Band Aids—Polexia, Sapphire, and Beth from Denver—decide to "deflower" William. He protests feebly; all he can see is Penny.
- In the morning, Ben Fong-Torres calls. He reprimands William for not taking things seriously enough, and reminds him that his job is to interview and report.
- William shares Lester's line about the think piece. Ben promptly offers William 1,000 more words and tells him that it's in consideration for the cover.
- William, desperate to complete his story, storms off to find Russell. Unfortunately, the guitarist is locked in his room with Penny; William is denied an interview once again.