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Beetlejuice Home

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BARBARA: Happy vacation, honey.

ADAM: Manchurian tung oil! Where did you get this?

BARBARA: Helen got it for me in Oslo.

ADAM: Well, there's enough here to do the whole table and the bureau.

BARBARA: I wonder what this could be? Oh, honey, you got it. Thank you.

ADAM: There's enough to do the entire guest room.

BARBARA: I'm so glad we're spending our vacation at home.

Aww. Right off the bat, we see that Adam and Barbara not only love each other, they adore their house. Nothing says love like Manchurian tung oil.

CHARLES: Delia Deetz, welcome home.

DELIA: Charles!

CHARLES: It's okay, there's no damage. Look, see? It's okay. Good, sturdy, country craftsmanship. And look at that kitchen. You're finally gonna be able to cook a decent meal. Come and have a look.

DELIA: A little gasoline. Blowtorch. No problem […].

CHARLES: We're gonna have to rip out all that plumbing. Other than that, it's perfect. Just perfect. What do you think, honey?

LYDIA: Delia hates it. I could live here […].

CHARLES: Delia, let's get one thing straight. We're here to enjoy the country setting, not to trash the place!

DELIA: You're right.

OTHO: Charles, you're lucky the yuppies are buying condos so you can afford what I'm going to have to do to this place.

CHARLES: Otho, I'm here to relax and clip coupons, and, damn it, I mean to do it.

DELIA: Then go do it quietly, dear, and let Otho and I think.

OTHO: Is the rest of the house as bad as this?

After seeing how hard Adam and Barbara worked on their house, we get to watch Delia and Otho walk through and talk about gutting the place. At least Charles and Lydia like the country charm, but they're the two least powerful people in this family.

CHARLES: I know what you two are up to and you're not going to get away with it! […]

DELIA: Charles, I will not stop living and breathing art just because you need to relax.
I'm here with you. I will live with you in this hellhole. But I must express myself. If I can't gut this house and make it my own I will go insane and I will take you with me!

CHARLES: Yeah. Well, you know, maybe the house could use a little remodeling. But why don't you just leave this room alone, okay?

DELIA: Okay.

BARBARA: I'm gonna get her.

Game on.

BARBARA: I cannot watch this. What's the good of being a ghost if you can't frighten people away?

ADAM: Honey.

BARBARA: No, I'm not putting up with this!

ADAM: Barbara, you don't know what's out there.

BARBARA: I don't care […]. Oh, Adam. We're trapped in this house with those people.

Watching the Deetzes destroy all their hard work is gonna be a total nightmare. This house isn't a home for Delia; it's her personal art gallery.

ADAM: This is the sixth door. Boy, oh, boy this place just gets weirder and weirder. Barbara, we're home.

BARBARA: Look at this place. Everything's different. All our furniture's gone.

ADAM: How long do you suppose we were waiting there?

JUNO: Three months.

Say what you will about Delia, but she really moves fast on remodeling projects. The inside of the house now looks like the inside of an upscale contemporary New York restaurant minus the good taste.

ADAM: We want to get rid of the people who have moved in here. Barbara and I worked very hard on this house.

BARBARA: We probably wouldn't mind sharing the house with people who were...

JUNO: More like you used to be?

BARBARA: Yes.

ADAM: But these people!

JUNO: Things seem quiet here. You should thank God you didn't die in Italy. The Deetzes. Okay, have you been studying the manual?

ADAM: Well, we tried.

JUNO: The intermediate interface chapter on haunting says it all. Get them out yourselves! It's your house.

Can it really be a turf war if one warring party is deceased? Having ghosts try to scare new owners out of a house is a typical horror movie trope, but it's usually for reasons other than different tastes in wallpaper.

LYDIA: You did this? You carved all these little houses and things? And this used to be your house. Why do you want to scare everybody?

ADAM: Well, we wanted to frighten you so you would move out.

LYDIA: You don't know the Deetzes very well. My father bought this place. He never walks away from equity.

Charles paid top dollar for this house, and he won't walk away from a house whose value he thinks is just going up. Adam and Barbara are going to have to go all Amityville Horror on the Deetzes if they want to get them out.

BARBARA: You know, I don't think it's a very good idea to tell your parents that we're up here.

ADAM: Not unless you think it will frighten them away. You tell them that we are horrible, desperate, ghoulish creatures who will stop at nothing to get our house back.

The shallow and pretentious Deetzes are much scarier than the ghosts in this movie—another one of the film's running gags.

BARBARA: You can come up here and visit us anytime you want. I have a feeling that things are going to be a little better from now on.

LYDIA: What do you mean, better?

BARBARA: Well, we've decided that we're going to invite you and your family to stay.

Ultimately, the Maitlands just aren't nasty enough to be successes in the haunting business. They cut a deal that lets them restore the house to its original design in exchange for not ripping off their faces in front of the Deetz family.

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