Ajax and Angel Dust lead Vanessa across the shipyard, which is full of scrap and features a giant, decaying ship. Vanessa's hands are tied, and her mouth is covered in duct tape. When Angel Dust removes the tape, Vanessa wastes no time in insulting Ajax, who comments on how she's a talker, just like Wade.
Vanessa says they've got the wrong girl. Her ex-boyfriend is dead. Ajax says you'd think that, but he just keeps coming back—like a cockroach.
Then in classic movie villain mode, he explains his master plan: He (as in Ajax) may not be able to feel anything, but Wade does. They're going to see how he fights when Vanessa's head is on the block. Vanessa looks thoroughly confused.
Cut to the X-Men mansion. Negasonic Teenage Warhead answers the door. It's Deadpool. He wants her and Colossus to help him fight Ajax, especially on account of them letting him get away and all.
He also gets in a quick meta-jab about how funny it is that he only ever sees Colossus and Negasonic Teenage Warhead. It's almost like the studio couldn't afford another X-Man. Well played, Deadpool. Well played.
Cut to Dopinder's cab; he's giving Deadpool, Colossus, and Negasonic Teenage Warhead a lift to the scrapyard. Deadpool mentions that Colossus agreed to help on the grounds that Deadpool would consider joining the X-Men—or, as Deadpool calls it, Colossus's boyband.
Deadpool wants to know how things are going with Dopinder and Gita, the love of his life that was stolen by his cousin Bandhu. Turns out Dopinder took Deadpool's advice, and he has Bandhu tied up in the trunk of his cab. He's going to gut him like a fish. Deadpool pretends to be horrified about this for the X-Men's sake, but whispers to Dopinder that he's proud of him.
Dopinder drops them off at the shipyard, and they make a dramatic walk on to the scene backed by DMX's "X Gon' Give It to Ya." Then Deadpool realizes he left his bag full of guns and ammo in Dopinder's cab. D'oh.
Flash to Dopinder crashing the car. Deadpool's going to have to do this the old-fashioned way, with just the weapons he has on him—and, of course, "maximum effort."
Ajax, Angel Dust, and a squad of armed men meet Deadpool and his partners. Angel Dust hits Colossus and sends him flying. That's a surprise. Time to see what Negasonic Teenage Warhead can do…as soon as she finishes her sour-faced tweet.
Negasonic Teenage Warhead tosses her phone, takes off running toward Angel Dust, surrounds herself with a ball of energy, and sends Angel Dust flying. It's game on, y'all.
Ajax's henchmen open fire. Angel Dust and Colossus go toe to toe. Deadpool removes his underwear and waves the white flag, so to speak.
The henchmen stop firing. Deadpool offers them the chance to surrender. They start firing again. Fight's totally back on.
Deadpool emerges from behind cover and does his thing. Lots of acrobatic swordplay and flying knives as he cuts his way, often literally, through the heavily armed henchmen. Colossus and Angel Dust keep duking it out, too. Negasonic Teenage Warhead uses her force blasts to dispense with some henchmen.
Ajax drags Vanessa over to the top of the ship to survey the battle below. Wade has spelled out "FRANCIS" in dead bodies.
The fight continues. Negasonic Teenage Warhead instructs Deadpool to climb onto the large sheet of scrap metal that she's crouched beneath. He does, and she blasts the sheet onto the deck of the ship as Deadpool holds on for dear life.
Deadpool finds Ajax and Vanessa. Vanessa's imprisoned in a tank just like the one that turned Wade's face into ground beef.
Ajax makes it clear that he's going to hack Deadpool to bits, thereby making it nearly impossible for him to regenerate. Deadpool's like, "Okay, then. Let's try to kill each other," and that's exactly what they do—but not before Ajax turns on the tank and Vanessa starts gasping for air.
Ajax clutches a pair of axes, and he and Deadpool charge at one another. They fight.
Deadpool throws a sword into the front of the tank, stopping its nasty effects. While Deadpool and Ajax throttle each other, Vanessa eventually breaks out of the tank.
Ajax stabs Deadpool in the head. Ouch. Vanessa grabs the sword from the tank and charges it through Ajax. She, Ajax, and Deadpool all lie on the ground.
Deadpool, knife still lodged in his head, stares at Vanessa. He hallucinates happy cartoon animals all around her while Chicago's "You're the Inspiration" plays in the background. The knife in his brain is making him hallucinate. He makes a heart symbol with his hands. She calls him an a-hole.
Ajax gets back on his feet, picks up Vanessa, and flings her across the deck.
Colossus and Angel Dust? Yep, still fighting. She's choking him with a rope.
Negasonic Teenage Warhead launches herself at Colossus and Angel Dust, causing an explosion that sends Angel Dust flying toward the ship. The ship tips on impact, sending Deadpool, Vanessa, and Ajax sliding down the deck towards what looks like a grisly fate if they continue sliding off the deck.
Just as Deadpool and Vanessa are about to go over the edge, he throws her back in the tank. The tank then snags the edge of the deck and stops them from falling over the edge. For now, anyway. The massive ship continues to fall over.
Colossus grabs Negasonic Teenage Warhead and Angel Dust and runs them out of danger, away from the path of the capsizing ship.
As the ship finishes tipping over, the tank breaks free and lands. Vanessa's safe. Deadpool's safe, too, until he gets tackled by Ajax. Deadpool pummels Ajax amidst the debris, then demands that Ajax fix his face.
Ajax laughs and calls Deadpool an idiot. He can't fix his face. There's no cure for that.
Just as Deadpool's about to put a bullet in Ajax's forehead—after all, the guy just said he can't do the one thing for which Deadpool was keeping him alive—Colossus tells Deadpool to stop.
Colossus then launches into a heartfelt speech about what it means to be a hero. It only takes four or five moments in your life to be a hero, moments when you have to make a decision to do the right thing, like sparing an enemy's life, for example, or
Before Colossus can finish his speech, Deadpool shoots Ajax in the head. Colossus barfs. Deadpool says he was taking too long.
Next, Deadpool has to face Vanessa. She immediately begins beating him up, and then orders him to start talking. He apologizes for leaving and for being away for so long, but it's been a rough couple of years. "Rough?" she questions indignantly.
They stare at each other in silence for a moment, then Deadpool launches into a tall tale about how he lives in a crack house with a family of 12 now. "So you live in a house," Vanessa says. And that's their version of making up, we guess: trying to "out-suffer" each other.
Vanessa removes Deadpool's mask. She's taken aback at first, but then tells him that, after an adjustment period, everything will be back to normal. They start getting romantic (or their version of romantic), when Colossus interrupts, telling them to cool it; there's a teenager present.
Deadpool's all "What are you two still doing here? Go be heroes!" He calls Negasonic Teenage Warhead Sinéad O'Connor again, and she says it's okay; he's cool. Deadpool is shocked and proud. Negasonic Teenage Warhead and Colossus leave.
All alone in the destroyed shipyard, Deadpool and Vanessa kiss. Suddenly, they hear "Careless Whisper" by Wham! Deadpool's playing it on his phone. Smooth.
Through voice-over, Deadpool tells us you don't need to be a superhero to get the girl. The right girl will bring out the hero in you.
Then he instructs the camera to continue its epic wide shot, and it does, as he and Vanessa continue making out amidst the rubble.
Wait—there's more! After the credits, Deadpool comes out in a bathrobe and tells everybody to go home; the movie's over. It's an homage to the end of Ferris Bueller's Day Off, where Ferris does the exact thing, in a similarly '80s-decorated house. Deadpool also unleashes a pretty big spoiler for the sequel: It's going to have Cable. Sweet.