Deadpool lies in the back of the garbage truck, minus one hand. He's at his rock bottom, he tells us, and explains that when your life gets to the point that it's super-messed-up, it can usually be traced back to one tremendously bad decision.
Cut to Wade being wheeled through a grimy medical facility on a hospital bed. He passes the recruiter from Sister Margaret's who's glad to see that Wade has changed his mind. Wade tells him to take good care of him so he can take good care of someone else. It's a pretty safe assumption that he means Vanessa.
As Wade is wheeled away, he passes a variety of scary and/or seriously distraught people. One woman has a bunch of horns coming out of her back. He hears screaming and the sound of a man being choked.
Wade comes to a stop and the, for lack of a better word, orderlies tie him to his bed using thick leather restraints. He's gagged. Then he's greeted by none other than Francis, only Francis says his name is Ajax. Say what now?
Ajax explains what's going on, kind of. He's the guy who runs this workshop. This isn't a government program; it's Weapon X, a private program that turns people into super-humans, and it's going to hurt. A lot.
Deadpool won't stop cracking jokes, and this annoys Ajax's imposing right-hand woman something fierce. Her name is Angel Dust, and she's always chewing on an unlit match. How tough.
Wade is gagged and injected with a serum that'll bring any mutant DNA he might have to the forefront. Ajax and Angel Dust were both patients there, too, once. It made Angel Dust super-strong. It made Ajax's reflects quicker and scorched his nerve endings so he no longer feels pain. In fact, he says, he no longer feels anything. Then he just stares at Wade for a beat. Um, creepy.
Wade struggles to speak. Angel Dust removes the gag. Wade thanks her profusely, and then tells Ajax he has something in his teeth. Right in the middle. Maybe it's a bit of Romaine lettuce. Ajax encourages Wade to joke away; nobody leaves this place with a sense of humor intact. Wade says they'll see about that.
In order to active the serum, Wade has to be stressed. Not like you might sweat a big math test; no, he has to suffer, big time, because adrenaline acts as a catalyst for the serum. They'll stress him until his mutation surfaces or until he dies, whichever comes first.
We're then "treated" to a montage of Wade being tortured in a variety of gruesome ways—being sprayed with a hose, dunked in goo, shocked, locked in a coffin full of ice water—all set to the jaunty tones of "Mr. Sandman" by The Chordettes.
Following the torture montage, Wade rests in his bed, still restrained, near another "patient" named Cunningham. They talk about their bucket lists. The items on their lists are all jokes (like naked tandem base-jumping with the WNBA's Sacramento Monarchs) until Cunningham mentions making banana pancakes for his kids. Wade says he wants to see Vanessa.
Ajax shows up. Cunningham apologizes for all the bucket list talk. Ajax says it's fine; they welcome distractions. They wouldn't want Cunningham giving up on them. The whole exchange is unnerving.
Wade tells Cunningham not to take any guff from Ajax, then reveals that Ajax's real name is Francis. With a name like that, how tough can he be?
Angel Dust looks at Ajax like "Is that true?" and Ajax looks like he wants to tear Wade limb from limb.
Ajax tells Wade he's annoying and advises him to shut up. Wade says the problem with 24/7 torture is that there's no way to step it up, to take it to the next level. Ajax says "O RLY?" We have a feeling that things are about to go from incredibly bad to a whole lot worse for our mouthy pal Wade.
Cut to Wade being restrained on a bed in front of a large, foreboding tank. Ajax explains that they're going to lower the oxygen levels in the tank and basically keep Wade suspended at a near-death state in there where he feels like he's suffocating. Sounds lovely.
Still, Wade keeps mouthing off. Eventually, Ajax has had enough. He tells Wade that he's not being turned into a superhero; he's being turned into a super-soldier-slave that they'll auction off to the highest bidder.
Before Ajax sends Wade into the tank, Wade begs him to wait. He does. Wade tells him this time he really does have something in his teeth. Ajax tells him to have a good weekend, locks him in the tank, and leaves.
Wade begins choking and struggling. His skin stars to bubble from head to toe. It's gross. Through voice-over, Wade tells us this isn't a love story; it's a horror movie. Then he sees his deformed reflection in the machinery and screams in horror. The screen goes black.
Cut to Ajax and Angel Dust returning to check on Wade. Ajax opens the tank and Wade gasps for air. He still looks like he's been severely burned.
The good news is his mutated cells can attack and kill the cancer as fast as it can crop up. The bad news is Ajax won't take care of the nasty side effects that make Wade look like raw meat. He can cure them; he just won't. Then he locks Wade back in the torture tank just because he can, but not before asking Wade to say his name. Wade won't.
In the tank, Wade produces a match that he stole from Angel Dust. He lights it, and the entire facility bursts into flames. That's one way to escape.
Ajax walks through the burning facility with a fire extinguisher, perplexed. Uh, we think you're going to need a little more fire extinguishing power than that, Francis.
Just then, Wade busts through the flames and attacks Ajax. They fight in the burning building, Ajax wielding a fire extinguisher, Wade wielding an oxygen tank. Did we mention that Wade is literally on fire at points in this fight? Because he is.
Mid-fight, Ajax tells Wade that he shouldn't want to kill him; he's the only who can fix his "ugly mug." Then Ajax gets the upper hand on Wade.
Wade lies on the floor, struggling, and Ajax impales him with a large metal pole. Then Ajax bends the end of the pole over so it looks like Wade's stuck on a big, tetanus-filled candy cane.
Ajax asks Wade to say his name one more time and then leaves. "Wade," Cunningham croaks from the floor nearby. Wade just looks at him, eyelids heavy.