Study Guide

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets Quotes

  • Choices

    DOBBY: Harry Potter must say he's not going back to school.

    HARRY POTTER: I can't. Hogwarts is my home.

    DOBBY: Then Dobby must do it, sir, for Harry Potter's own good.

    You've gotta hand it to Harry Potter—he never takes the easy way out. Dobby is threatening him and Harry knows he will get in major trouble but he refuses to say that he won't go back to Hogwarts. But even though Harry could lie to save his own skin, he still decides not to. This is a kid who makes good choices. Even if they get him in hot water.

    PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL: Hogwarts was founded over a thousand years ago by the four greatest witches and wizards of the age: Godric Gryffindor, Helga Hufflepuff, Rowena Ravenclaw, and Salazar Slytherin […] Salazar Slytherin wished to be more selective about the students admitted to Hogwarts. He believed magical learning should be kept within all-magic families. In other words, pure-bloods. Unable to sway the others, he decided to leave the school.

    Everyone has to pick their own journey in life. For Salazar Slytherin, it meant breaking off from the other three Hogwarts founders and pursuing the path of murder and genocide. So: not such great choices.

    GILDEROY LOCKHART: On the count of three cast your charms to disarm your opponent. Only to disarm. We don't want any accidents here. One. Two—

    DRACO MALFOY: Everte Statum!

    Wow. Is there anything Draco Malfoy won't cheat at? He can't even wait until Lockhart counts to "three" before he's casting spells in dueling club. Draco is constantly making hateful choices throughout this movie. But is that all his doing? Or is he being influenced by someone else?

    SORTING HAT: Bee in your bonnet, Potter?

    HARRY POTTER: I was just wondering if you put me in the right house.

    SORTING HAT: Yes. You were particularly difficult to place. But I stand by what I said last year. You would have done well in Slytherin.

    HARRY POTTER: You're wrong.

    The Sorting Hat seems pretty sure that Harry would have been a rock star in Slytherin (their Quidditch team certainly could have used him), but Harry isn't so sure. He may be questioning his place in the wizarding world, but he knows he wouldn't willingly choose to act like a Slytherin.

    HARRY POTTER: It was Hagrid. Hagrid opened the Chamber of Secrets fifty years ago.

    HERMIONE GRANGER: It can't be Hagrid. It just can't be.

    RON WEASLEY: We don't even know this Tom Riddle. He sounds like a dirty, rotten snitch.

    HARRY POTTER: The monster had killed somebody, Ron. What would any of us have done?

    In retrospect, Hermione and Ron are right on the money about Hagrid and Tom Riddle, but Harry doesn't see it that way. What choice did Tom have? Hagrid's monster had killed someone. But Harry doesn't realize that he's just seeing Tom's choices through the skewed perspective that he's been presented.

    CORNELIUS FUDGE: Bad business, Hagrid, very bad business. Had to come. Three attacks on Muggle-borns. Things have gone far enough. The Ministry's got to act.

    RUBEUS HAGRID: But I never. You know I never, professor.

    ALBUS DUMBLEDORE: I want it understood, Cornelius, that Hagrid has my full confidence.

    CORNELIUS FUDGE: Albus, look, Hagrid's record is against him. I've got to take him.

    RUBEUS HAGRID: Take me? Take me where? Not Azkaban prison.

    CORNELIUS FUDGE: I'm afraid we have no choice, Hagrid.

    The Minister of Magic claims he has no choice but to take Hagrid to Azkaban, but that's not quite true. Fudge decides to but his own political future above that of an innocent man. If he looks like he's taking action, then he must be. That's a choice real life politicians make all too often.

    GILDEROY LOCKHART: The adventure ends here, boys. But don't fret. The world will know our story. How I was too late to save the girl. How you two tragically lost your minds at the sight of her mangled body. So you first, Mr. Potter. Say goodbye to your memories. Obliviate!

    Geez. Even given a chance to redeem himself by helping Harry and Ron in the Chamber of Secrets, Lockhart still chooses to weasel out of the situation and keep living his lie. And he doesn't care who he hurts along the way. We only wish Ron would have hit him a little harder in the head with that rock.

    TOM RIDDLE: Haven't I told you? Killing Mudbloods doesn't matter to me anymore. For many months now, my new target has been you[…] I fashioned myself a new name, a name I knew wizards everywhere would fear to speak when I became the greatest sorcerer in the world.

    HARRY POTTER: Albus Dumbledore is the greatest sorcerer in the world.

    TOM RIDDLE: Dumbledore's been driven out of this castle by the mere memory of me.

    HARRY POTTER: He'll never be gone. Not as long as those who remain are loyal to him.

    We'd be peeing our pants if the memory of Tom Riddle revealed that he was actually Voldemort, but Harry keeps his cool and stays loyal to Dumbledore. It's his choice to keep fighting the good fight and never back down that summons Fawkes down to the chamber and saves the day. Phoenix power!

    HARRY POTTER: So the Sorting Hat was right. I should be in Slytherin.

    ALBUS DUMBLEDORE: It's true. You possess many of the qualities that Voldemort himself prizes. Determination, resourcefulness, and if I may say so, a certain disregard for the rules. Why, then, did the Sorting Hat place you in Gryffindor?

    HARRY POTTER: Because I asked it to.

    ALBUS DUMBLEDORE: Exactly, Harry. Exactly. Which makes you different from Voldemort. It is not our abilities that show what we truly are. It is our choices.

    And Dumbledore sums it all up right here. (He's good at that.) Harry isn't in Slytherin because he didn't choose to be. He's doesn't have to worry about becoming a bad person. He is deciding to become a good person with every good choice he makes. Just keep being awesome, Harry, and you'll be all right.

    LUCIUS MALFOY: Your parents were meddlesome fools too. Mark my words, Potter. One day soon you are going to meet the same sticky end.

    Wow. Can you imagine if the parents of one of your classmates told you that one day you'd wind up dead just like your parents? Maybe you'd decide to back off a little? Not Harry Potter. Nope. He keeps on going for, like, six more movies. Take that, Mr. Malfoy.

  • Courage

    HARRY POTTER: Why can't we get through?

    RON WEASLEY: I don't know. The gateway has sealed itself for some reason.

    HARRY POTTER: The train leaves at exactly 11:00. We've missed it.

    RON WEASLEY: Harry, if we can't get through maybe Mum and Dad can't get back.

    HARRY POTTER: Maybe we should just go and wait by the car.

    RON WEASLEY: The car!

    We'd probably just wait by the car, but Harry and Ron are brave enough to fire up the Ford Anglia and fly to Hogwarts. They really want to get to class on time.

    HARRY POTTER: So a house-elf shows up in my bedroom, we can't get through the barrier to Platform 9 ¾, we almost get killed by a tree. Clearly someone doesn't want me here this year.

    A little danger never stopped Harry Potter from getting to Hogwarts, right? This kid has got the daring and determination to face any obstacle…even if it means almost dying a whole bunch of times on his way to school.

    PROFESSOR SNAPE: Headmaster, these boys have flouted the Decree for the Restriction of Underage Wizardry. As such…

    ALBUS DUMBLEDORE: I am well aware of our bylaws having written quite a few of them myself. However, as head of Gryffindor house, it is for Professor McGonagall to determine the appropriate action.

    RON WEASLEY: We'll go and get our stuff, then.

    PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL: What are you talking about, Mr. Weasley?

    RON WEASLEY: You're going to expel us, aren't you?

    PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL: Not today, Mr. Weasley, but I must impress on both of you the seriousness of what you have done. I will be writing to your families tonight, and you will both receive detention.

    You've got to hand it to these boys, they're pretty brave. Ron and Harry aren't trying to talk their way out of their expulsion. They're just going to take their lumps, back their bags, and head home. That's some grit right there.

    HARRY POTTER: That voice.

    GILDEROY LOCKHART: Voice?

    HARRY POTTER: Didn't you hear it?

    GILDEROY LOCKHART: What are you talking about, Harry? I think you're getting a bit drowsy. And great Scott, no wonder. Look at the time. We've been here nearly four hours. Spooky how the time flies when one is having fun.

    If you're looking for an example of true courage—you won't find it in Gilderoy Lockhart. Harry mentions he hears a voice and Lockhart finds a way to shut down their detention pretty fast. For a guy who supposedly fought off a whole bunch of monsters, he's not very gallant, is he?

    PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL: What can this mean, Albus?

    ALBUS DUMBLEDORE: It means that our students are in great danger.

    PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL: What should I tell the staff?

    ALBUS DUMBLEDORE: The truth. Tell them Hogwarts is no longer safe. It is as we feared, Minerva. The Chamber of Secrets has indeed been opened again.

    Harry overhears this little piece of gossip while he's in the hospital wing and it's bad news. Hogwarts isn't safe anymore. Oh no! Of course, that doesn't mean the adults are going to shut down the school and send home all the children just yet. Looks like Harry and friends are just going to have to be brave while they're roaming through the halls trying not to be killed or petrified.

    DRACO MALFOY: Scared, Potter?

    HARRY POTTER: You wish.

    This is a pretty good come back. Lots of things scare Harry Potter, but when it comes to facing Draco Malfoy in dueling club, he's got grit to spare. This Slytherin is going down.

    HARRY POTTER: You heard what Hagrid said. "Follow the spiders." They're heading to the Dark Forest.

    RON WEASLEY: Why spiders? Why couldn't it be "follow the butterflies"? Harry, I don't like this.

    Poor Ron. We feel you on the arachnophobia vibes. To Ron's credit though, he still goes into the Forbidden Forest to check out what's up with the spiders even though he's totally terrified. We'd be running the other way.

    HARRY POTTER: Well, thank you. We'll just go.

    ARAGOG: Go? I think not. My sons and daughters do not harm Hagrid on my command. But I cannot deny them fresh meat when it wanders so willingly into our midst. Goodbye, friend of Hagrid.

    RON WEASLEY: Can we panic now?

    Yes. With hundreds of huge spiders coming towards them this might be a great time for both Harry and Ron to panic. Luckily, the boys are able to keep their courage up for a few minutes to make a narrow escape from the jaws of certain spider death. Special thanks to the flying Ford Anglia.

    HARRY POTTER: Professor, we have some information for you. Are you going somewhere?

    GILDEROY LOCKHART: Well, yes. Urgent call. Unavoidable. Got to go.

    RON WEASLEY: What about my sister?

    GILDEROY LOCKHART: Well... as to that, most unfortunate. No one regrets more than I.

    RON WEASLEY: You're the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. You can't go now.

    GILDEROY LOCKHART: I must say, when I took the job, there was nothing in the description—

    HARRY POTTER: You're running away? After all you did in your books?

    GILDEROY LOCKHART: Books can be misleading.

    Gilderoy Lockhart has been bragging the entire movie about his exploits and now he's bailing on everyone right when he's needed. Lockhart has finally been exposed for the fraud and coward that he is.

    ALBUS DUMBLEDORE: You both realize, of course that in the past few hours, you have broken perhaps a dozen school rules.

    HARRY & RON: Yes, sir.

    ALBUS DUMBLEDORE: There is sufficient evidence to have you both expelled.

    HARRY & RON: Yes, sir.

    ALBUS DUMBLEDORE: Therefore, it is only fitting that you both receive Special Awards for Services to the School.

    Well, to be fair, they did single-handedly find the Chamber of Secrets, slay a basilisk, rescue a kidnapped student, and destroy the memory of Voldemort. That took guts, so we'd say that deserves some kudos, too.

  • Family

    UNCLE VERNON: I should think you'd be a little more grateful. We've raised you since you were a baby, given you the food off our table even let you have Dudley's second bedroom purely out of the goodness of our hearts.

    Oh, yeah. Nice families are always telling you how grateful you should be for the food and shelter they give you. Geez. Uncle Vernon really is the worst.

    DOBBY: Dobby had to punish himself, sir. Dobby almost spoke ill of his family, sir.

    HARRY POTTER: Your family?

    DOBBY: The wizard family Dobby serves, sir. Dobby is bound to serve one family forever.

    Dobby doesn't really have a family—he's just forced to serve a family forever. They're not his relatives and they don't have to treat him nicely. Harry can kind of relate.

    HARRY POTTER: See why I've got to go back? I don't belong here. I belong in your world, at Hogwarts.

    Harry has never felt at home with the Dursley family. They might be his relatives, but he's always identified more with his friends at Hogwarts. They're his true family even if they don't have the same blood flowing through their veins.

    RON WEASLEY: It's not much, but it's home.

    HARRY POTTER: I think it's brilliant.

    This is the first time Harry sees Ron's house. Heck, it's the first time Harry's ever seen any magical household, so we can understand his why he loves it. Ron's house may be a little rundown, but it's clearly filled with people who love and care about each other—something Harry has always been missing at home.

    MRS. WEASLEY: Ronald Weasley! How dare you steal that car! I am absolutely disgusted! Your father's now facing an inquiry at work and it's entirely your fault! If you put another toe out of line we'll bring you straight home! And, Ginny, dear, congratulations on making Gryffindor. Your father and I are so proud.

    So Ron gets in trouble with his parents for flying the car to Hogwarts. Bummer. But Harry, of course, gets nothing at all from home. This is just another juxtaposition between the two boys. Ron has a family who cares about his safety and welfare. While Harry's family wouldn't get too worked up if they got a letter saying he'd fallen from the flying car somewhere over Surrey.

    RON WEASLEY: Those are Nimbus Two Thousand Ones. How did you get those?

    MARCUS FLINT: A gift from Draco's father.

    DRACO MALFOY: You see, Weasley, unlike some, my father can afford the best.

    No, Draco Malfoy doesn't know how to be subtle at all. His family is rich and he will throw it in your face. This is a sore spot for Ron though, who really isn't excited about the fact that his family has to constantly buy second-hand robes and books. They don't even offer to replace his broken wand for goodness sake.

    HERMIONE GRANGER: The Heir of Slytherin has returned to Hogwarts. The question is, who is it?

    RON WEASLEY: Let's think. Who do we know who thinks all Muggle-borns are scum?
    HERMIONE GRANGER: If you're talking about Malfoy...

    RON WEASLEY: Of course. You heard him. "You'll be next, Mudbloods."

    HERMIONE GRANGER: I heard him. But Malfoy, the Heir of Slytherin?

    HARRY POTTER: Maybe Ron's right, Hermione. I mean, look at his family. The whole lot of them have been in Slytherin for centuries.

    So the heir of Slytherin has to have a family connection. Why couldn't it be Malfoy? Hermione's right. That's a bit too neat of a solution. Just because someone's family has been in Slytherin for generations doesn't mean they're the descendants of the Salazar Slytherin. Besides, if he were the heir of Slytherin, you just know Draco would be bragging about it non-stop.

    HERMIONE GRANGER: Harry, listen to me. There's a reason the symbol of Slytherin house is a serpent. Salazar Slytherin was a Parselmouth. He could talk to snakes too.

    RON WEASLEY: Exactly. Now the whole school's going to think you're his great-great-great grandson.

    HARRY POTTER: But I'm not. I can't be.

    HERMIONE GRANGER: He lived a thousand years ago. For all we know, you could be.

    This is a fair point. Why does the heir of Slytherin have to be a present day Slytherin? Who knows how that long and twisting family tree works? Maybe Harry is a distant relation? The whole talking-to-snakes thing isn't helping his case.

    TOM RIDDLE: I had to see for myself if the rumors were true.

    ALBUS DUMBLEDORE: I'm afraid they are, Tom. They are true.

    TOM RIDDLE: About the school as well? I don't have a home to go to. They wouldn't really close Hogwarts, would they, professor?

    This reminds us of someone doesn't it? Harry can really relate to Tom being worried about closing down Hogwarts and not having anywhere to go. If school closes, Harry will have to go home early to his aunt and uncle. Looks like Tom Riddle is in the same boat.

    HARRY POTTER: You. You're the Heir of Slytherin. You're Voldemort.

    TOM RIDDLE: Surely you didn't think I was going to keep my filthy Muggle father's name? No. I fashioned myself a new name, a name I knew wizards everywhere would fear to speak when I became the greatest sorcerer in the world.

    Whoa. We did not see this one coming. (Okay, we did see it coming, but only because we read the books first.) Tom drops a hint here, too. He's not pure-blood either because his father was a Muggle. That's why he changed his name. He couldn't stand the family connection.

  • Lies & Deceit

    GILDEROY LOCKHART: Let me introduce you to your new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Me. Gilderoy Lockhart Order of Merlin, Third Class, honorary member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five times winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile Award. But I don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at him.

    So Lockhart has an impressive resume. Of course, later we'll find out that he got all these awards by lying his pants off. He did look good while doing it, though. Right, ladies?

    HARRY POTTER: Do you think I should have told them? Dumbledore and the others, I mean?

    RON WEASLEY: Are you mad?

    HERMIONE GRANGER: No, Harry. Even in the wizarding world, hearing voices isn't a good sign.

    Hmm…we're not sure this little lie of omission is the best idea. Students are being attacked by an unknown monster and Ron and Hermione are worried about Harry looking weird because of the voices in his head. We'd go straight to Dumbledore on this one.

    HARRY POTTER: I think my arm is broken.

    GILDEROY LOCKHART: Not to worry, Harry. I will fix that arm of yours straightaway.

    HARRY POTTER: Not you.

    GILDEROY LOCKHART: Boy doesn't know what he's saying. This won't hurt a bit. Brackium Emendo! Yes, well, that can sometimes happen but the point is you can no longer feel any pain, and, very clearly, the bones are not broken.

    RUBEUS HAGRID: Broken? There's no bones left.

    GILDEROY LOCKHART: Much more flexible, though.

    So, this isn't the first clue that Lockhart has no idea what he's doing. We have to wonder how Lockhart has kept up his ruse so long. He's honestly not that great at faking it, is he?

    TOM RIDDLE: Sir, if it all stopped, if the person responsible was caught...

    ALBUS DUMBLEDORE: Is there something you wish to tell me?

    TOM RIDDLE: No, sir. Nothing.

    Talk about a smooth liar. When Harry tries this same line on Dumbledore at least he feels bad. Tom doesn't blink. He just fibs right to his professor's face. A young psychopath in the making.

    TOM RIDDLE: Evening, Hagrid. I'm going to have to turn you in. I don't think you meant it to kill anyone...

    RUBEUS HAGRID: You can't. You don't understand.

    TOM RIDDLE: The dead girl's parents will be here tomorrow. The least Hogwarts can do is make sure the thing that killed their daughter is slaughtered.

    RUBEUS HAGRID: It wasn't him. Aragog never killed no one. Never.

    TOM RIDDLE: Monsters don't make good pets, Hagrid.

    Wow. Tom even keeps up appearances when he arrests Hagrid. He knows that Aragog isn't the monster from the Chamber of Secrets, but he never lets on. He has Hagrid expelled and covers up his crimes for the next fifty years. Talk about a long con.

    LUCIUS MALFOY: The other governors and I have decided it's time for you to step aside. This is an order of suspension. You'll find all twelve signatures on it. I'm afraid we feel you've rather lost your touch. Well, what, with all these attacks there'll be no Muggle-borns left at Hogwarts. I can only imagine what an awful loss that would be to the school.

    Speaking of schemers, Lucius Malfoy is a pretty good one. He sees an opening to get rid of Dumbledore and he takes it. To be fair, it couldn't have been too hard to convince the Hogwarts governors to sign off on his removal. There was a basilisk living in the castle for a thousand years and he never found it, so we do kind of question his wizard skills there.

    HARRY POTTER: He's in trouble. Up at the school, there have been attacks. They think it's Hagrid. They think he opened the Chamber of Secrets. Like before.

    ARAGOG: That's a lie. Hagrid never opened the Chamber of Secrets.

    Aragog spills the beans about the Chamber of Secrets. Hagrid was framed and there's a different deadly and horrifying monster lurking in the castle. Oh goody.

    RON WEASLEY: If Hagrid ever gets out of Azkaban, I'll kill him. I mean, what was the point of sending us in there? What have we found out?

    HARRY POTTER: We know one thing. Hagrid never opened the Chamber of Secrets. He was innocent.

    Hagrid's finally proven his innocence by sending two children to get testimony from a terrifying spider. Next time, try just writing a note, Hagrid.

    GILDEROY LOCKHART: So sorry. Dozed off. What have I missed?

    PROFESSOR SNAPE: A girl has been snatched by the monster, Lockhart. Your moment has come at last.

    GILDEROY LOCKHART: My moment?

    PROFESSOR SNAPE: Weren't you saying just last night that you've known all along where the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets is?

    PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL: That's settled. We'll leave you to deal with the monster, Gilderoy. Your skills, after all, are legend.

    GILDEROY LOCKHART: Very well. I'll just be in my office getting... getting ready.

    Lockhart's moment has come! At last he can find the Chamber of Secrets and battle the monster. We get the feeling that the Hogwarts teachers are loving the fact that they finally get to subtlety call him out on his lies (and get rid of him) while they attend to more pressing matters. Too bad Harry and Ron don't realize #sarcasm when they hear it.

    ALBUS DUMBLEDORE: Curiously, Lucius, several of them were under the impression that you would curse their family if they did not agree to suspend me in the first place.

    LUCIUS MALFOY: How dare you!

    ALBUS DUMBLEDORE: Beg your pardon?

    LUCIUS MALFOY: My sole concern has always been and will always be the welfare of this school and, of course, its students.

    Sorry, we thought Lucius Malfoy might have choked on that lie. We're guessing he's not super concerned with Hogwarts or the kids that go to school there. He's mostly looking to make sure that his evil plans come true. He's the worst.

  • Society & Class

    DOBBY: Dobby has heard of your greatness, sir, but never has he been asked to sit down by a wizard, like an equal.

    HARRY POTTER: You can't have met many decent wizards then.

    DOBBY: No, I haven't.

    Poor Dobby. He's a house-elf, which means that he's basically a magical slave. Dobby's totally shocked by the fact that Harry would talk to him with any kind of respect. But Harry didn't grow up in the magical world so he doesn't have all the class baggage that someone like Draco or even Ron does. Dobby is just a weird little creature to him. Harry doesn't know that house-elves aren't unequal.

    GILDEROY LOCKHART: Nice big smile, Harry. Together, you and I rate the front page.

    Sure, Gilderoy Lockhart is famous, but Harry Potter is probably even more famous. It makes sense that Lockhart would be drawn to the Boy Who Lived—it increases his own star power to be teaching this celebrity pupil. And, unlike Harry, Lockhart needs love and adoration from society.

    LUCIUS MALFOY: Mr. Potter! Lucius Malfoy. We meet at last. Forgive me, your scar is legend. As, of course, is the wizard who gave it to you.

    HARRY POTTER: Voldemort killed my parents. He was nothing more than a murderer.

    […]

    LUCIUS MALFOY: And you must be Miss Granger. Yes, Draco's told me all about you. And your parents. Muggles, aren't they? Let me see. Red hair...vacant expressions...tatty second hand book...you must be the Weasleys.

    In the course of about two minutes Lucius Malfoy manages to insult just about every major character in the Harry Potter movies. He openly admires Voldemort, he looks down on Muggles, and mocks the Weasleys' financial situation. Lucius clearly thinks he's above his company. Now we know where Draco gets it from.

    RON WEASLEY: Those are Nimbus Two Thousand Ones. How did you get those?

    MARCUS FLINT: A gift from Draco's father.

    DRACO MALFOY: You see, Weasley, unlike some, my father can afford the best.

    HERMIONE GRANGER: At least no one on the Gryffindor team had to buy their way in. They got in on pure talent.

    DRACO MALFOY: No one asked your opinion, you filthy little Mudblood.

    Okay, so not only is Draco pointing out that he's an upper class wizard who's dad is way richer than anyone else in the vicinity, he's also no stranger to throwing out nasty slurs. Draco calls Hermione a Mudblood to let her know that he thinks she's beneath him in magical purity as well. Oh, it's on.

    HERMIONE GRANGER: He called me a Mudblood.

    RUBEUS HAGRID: He did not.

    HARRY POTTER: What's a Mudblood?

    HERMIONE GRANGER: It means "dirty blood." Mudblood's a foul name for someone who's Muggle-born. Someone with non-magic parents. Someone like me. It's not a term one usually hears in civilized conversation.

    And now we get an explanation of what exactly a Mudblood is. It's basically the wizard version of every nasty not-fit-to-print name you can think to call someone. And it's all about who has the most wizards in their family and the "purest" magical blood. It's all pretty gross if you ask us.

    GILDEROY LOCKHART: Harry, Harry, Harry. Can you possibly imagine a better way to serve detention than by helping me to answer my fan mail?

    HARRY POTTER: Not really.

    GILDEROY LOCKHART: Fame is a fickle friend, Harry. Celebrity is as celebrity does. Remember that.

    We can think of several better ways of spending detention than helping Lockhart. Some of them involve flesh-eating slugs. But Lockhart tries to give Harry advice about fame. Why do we suspect he wouldn't take his own advice?

    PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL: Salazar Slytherin wished to be more selective about the students admitted to Hogwarts. He believed magical learning should be kept within all-magic families. In other words, pure-bloods. Unable to sway the others, he decided to leave the school. Now, according to legend Slytherin had built a hidden chamber in this castle known as the Chamber of Secrets. Though, shortly before departing, he sealed it until that time when his own true Heir returned to the school. The Heir alone would be able to open the Chamber and unleash the horror within, and by so doing purge the school of all those who in Slytherin's view, were unworthy to study magic. Muggle-borns.

    This is Salazar Slytherin's whole philosophy on magical class and purity right here. Why should Hogwarts teach students who aren't pure-blood? Shouldn't magical learning be ultra exclusive? Why should the magical gene pool be deluded with Muggles?

    DOBBY: Dobby remembers how it was before Harry Potter triumphed over He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. We house-elves were treated like vermin, sir. Of course, Dobby is still treated like vermin.

    It's good that house-elf living conditions improved a little after Voldemort was killed. A victory for the lower classes! But, wow, Dobby's family must be really awful.

    DRACO MALFOY: You'd never know the Weasleys were pure-bloods, the way they behave. They're an embarrassment to the wizarding world. All of them.

    Draco doesn't know he's talking to Ron Weasley (disguised as his friend, Goyle) right now. But, this pretty much reflects his thinking. The Weasleys are traitors to pure-blood wizards because they choose to fraternize with Muggles and, you know, not support genocidal maniacs like Voldemort. What weirdoes.

    HARRY POTTER: Open it.

    DOBBY: Master has given Dobby a sock.

    LUCIUS MALFOY: What? I didn't give...

    DOBBY: Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free.

    This is probably our favorite scene in the whole movie. Lucius is tricked into giving Dobby his freedom and he is not happy. The class structure has been upended. The master no longer has his servant. But, in Harry's eyes, justice has finally been restored.