It's Cady's second day at school. She heads into math class and takes a seat next to the guy and girl who told her to avoid Sir Fart-a-lot yesterday. They introduce themselves; they're Damian and Janis.
Cady asks for helping finding room G14. Janis says it's in the back building, and they'll take Cady there. There's definitely something shady about the way Janis says it, though.
Janis, Damian, and Cady cut across the football field and take a seat in the grass. Cady's confused; Janis explains that the back building burned down in 1987. They're skipping class.
Cady worries that they'll get in trouble, but Janis dismisses it. Why would she and Damian try to get her in trouble? They're her friends.
Incidentally, skipping class in full view of the school itself seems like a super-dumb idea if you ask us.
Cady feels the same way. She tells us in voice-over—we're just going to shorten that to V-O going forward—that she knows it's wrong to skip school, but Janis said they were friends and, well, she needs some friends, bigtime.
Guess she'll just never know what she missed on that first day of health class.
Cut to health class. Turns out Cady's missing the worst Sex Ed lecture ever.
Cut back to "the back building." Janis and Damian want to know why Cady's parents didn't just keep homeschooling her. They wanted her to get socialized, Cady explains. Damian and Janis assure Cady she'll have no trouble getting socialized; she's a "regulation hottie."
A gym class trots out onto the soccer field.
Again, these three are cutting class in full view of a gym class and its teacher. We don't get it.
As students spill out of the school, Damian and Janis point out "The Plastics," a trio of junior girls whom Damian describes as teen royalty. They rule North Shore High.
There's Karen, one of the dumbest girls you'll ever meet.
There's Gretchen, who's a huge gossip, and whose dad invented toaster strudel.
And then there's their leader, the queen bee, Regina George, who, according to Janis, is evil in human form. So yeah, we're guessing they're not friends.
Janis gives Cady a map of the cafeteria that breaks down what cliques sit where. Where you sit is crucial.
Cut to the cafeteria. Cady's looking for a place to sit when she's harassed by Jason, who pretends he's taking a survey of new students. Regina overhears and tells Jason off. Cady's grateful. Regina invites her to sit down.
Regina interrogates Cady, rapid-fire style. How come she's never seen her before? She was home-schooled?
It's intense. All that's missing is a lamp shining directly into Cady's face and maybe a two-way mirror.
Meanwhile, Karen wants to know why Cady's white if she's from Africa, and Gretchen tries in vain to make the word "fetch" happen. Regina's annoyed.
The Plastics talk amongst themselves. Cady looks across the cafeteria at Janis and Damian who mouth, "What in the world are you doing?!"
Cady smiles and shrugs. Then Regina invites Cady to eat lunch with them for the rest of the week like it's some huge honor.
Cut to Cady, Janis, and Damian in the girl's bathroom. Janis says Cady absolutely has to eat lunch with The Plastics—and report back to her with all the horrible things Regina says. Then she fires off a few more insults at Regina and says that Regina ruined her life.
Cady wants to know why Janis hates Regina; she thinks Regina seemed sweet. Uh, okay.
Damian starts to explain to Cady that Regina started a rumor about Janis, but Janis cuts him off before her can finish. Ooh, intrigue.
It's settled. Cady's going to eat lunch with The Plastics and report back to Janis. Also, she needs to borrow something pink from Damian.
Cut to Cady's 8th period calculus class. Through V-O she tells us how relieved she is to be there. Math, she gets. The social hierarchy and rules of North Shore? Not so much.
The guy in front of her turns around and asks to borrow a pencil. Cady's eyes practically turn into cartoon hearts.
When Ms. Norbury calls on Cady, she answers "So cute" under her breath, but loud enough that everybody turns around. Smooth, Cady. Smooth.
Cady returns home. Once again, Mom and Dad are chillin' on the porch. They want to know how Day Two went. This time, Cady actually stops to talk and tells them that she made some friends.
Also, don't Mom and Dad ever go to work? These two spend a lot of time on the front porch, sipping from mugs and leafing through books. If that's what being a research zoologist is, sign us up.