After some web-filled opening credits, we get hit with a voice-over from Peter Parker, who warns us that if we expect the story we're about to see to be some "happy, little tale," we're in for a shock.
His story, he says, isn't for the faint of heart. Looks like we're going to need more popcorn.
Also? This story is really all about a girl, more specifically Peter's next-door neighbor, Mary Jane Watson, a.k.a. M.J.
Cut to Mary Jane on the big, yellow, not-at-all-magic school bus. Peter is chasing after it, begging the bus driver to stop and let him on.
The kids on the bus laugh, and so does the bus driver. Classy move, bus dude. Mary Jane orders the bus driver to stop, and he does.
Peter gets on the bus, but nobody will let him sit with them. As he walks past Mary Jane and her boyfriend, Peter smiles.
Then he gets tripped and face-plants in the aisle. Ouch.
If you're familiar with the Spidey comics, you'll know that the huge dude is named Flash Thompson.
And if you're not familiar with the comics, then, well, we just told you his name is Flash Thompson.
Turns out, Peter and his classmates are on a field trip to the science department at Columbia University.
Out in front of the building, their teacher orders them to behave this time, and Peter mistakenly thinks Mary Jane is waving at him when she's really waving at some friends behind him. Double ouch.
Harry Osborn and his dad, Norman, pull up in a Rolls-Royce. Harry asks the driver if he can get dropped off around the corner so no one will see him. He's ashamed of being so rich.
Norman is offended and tells Harry to never be ashamed of who he is. He also reminds Harry that it's not Norman's fault that Harry has flunked out of every private school in town.
Harry jumps out of the swanky ride and catches up with Peter. Norman then catches up with Harry because he left his backpack in the Rolls.
If we had a dollar for every time we've left our backpack in Dad's Rolls…we'd still have zero dollars.
Harry introduces Peter to Norman, but Peter already knows who Norman is. In fact, he's read all his work on nanotechnology.
Norman is impressed with Peter, who not only read Norman's research but also wrote a paper on it, and he says he hopes they'll meet again. We're pretty confident that they will.
Peter tells Harry that his dad's not so bad.
Harry says, "Yeah, not if you're a genius," and jokes that Norman wants to adopt Peter now.