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In the town of Astoria live a handful of kids who call themselves "Goonies." Why? No one knows. It's just something to call themselves. Don't judge. There's not a lot going on in Astoria.
Until…Mikey, Mouth, Data and Chunk discover a map in Mikey's attic. The map supposedly leads to a treasure that the pirate One-Eyed Willy left several hundred years ago. Some jerks from a neighboring country club are threatening to foreclose on some homes in the area, so if the Goonies could get their hands on that treasure, all their problems would be solved.
Things get complicated (as they always seem to do) when the first leg of their journey leads them to the hideout of a trio of dangerous criminals—the Fratellis. Mikey, Mouth and Data, joined by Brand, Andy and Stef, escape their clutches, vanishing into an underground tunnel. Chunk, however, gets caught and interrogated by the vicious Fratellis, who wind up leaving the boy tied up in a room with the aesthetically challenged Lotney "Sloth" Fratelli, who seems dangerously addicted to chocolate bars and television.
The Goonies make their way through a series of tunnels and underground rooms, negotiating One-Eyed Willy's many booby traps and other hazards. They're hotly pursued by the Fratellis, and later Chunk and Sloth enter the tunnels as well, bringing up the rear. Anyone else want to join the party?
Finally, the Goonies come upon Willy's ship, and start to scoop up the treasure they hope will pay their families' debts so they'll be able to keep their homes and stay in Astoria. The Fratellis intervene at the last second though, and force them to hand everything over. Chunk and Sloth enter the picture, and Sloth has some issues to sort out with the fam. While the Fratellis are occupied, the Goonies escape from the cave and make their way back to shore.
On the beach, the kids are reunited with their parents, and the Fratellis are apprehended by the police. Mikey's father is just about to sign away their house…when a handful of jewels are discovered inside his marble bag. It ain't much, but it's enough. As everyone celebrates their good fortune (everyone but the Fratellis and the greedy jerk from the country club, anyway), Willy pulls his final trick from beyond the grave.
The Astorians watch in awe as Willy's ship sails into open water, having been set in motion by yet another booby trap. We feel like Willy is going to have trouble doing any pirating in his present condition, however.