Nausea Chapter 28 Summary

Saturday

  • Antoine talks about his ex lover Anny opening her hotel door to him. She is wearing a long black dress and invites him in without saying hello. Antoine notices that she has gotten a lot heavier since they last met.
  • She starts laughing because of the wide smile she's seen on Antoine's face ever since he arrived.
  • Antoine looks around the room and sees that it doesn't have the characteristic decorations of a room Anny would be living in.
  • Anny asks him why he has had such a strange look on his face since arriving. He says it's because her room doesn't look as if she's been living in it.
  • He says he's happy to see her. Anny says that he (Antoine) is her milestone. She feels like she keeps changing as she gets older, but he stays the exact same
  • That's why she feels like she'll always be able to gauge how far she's come by measuring herself against him. Even when they're not around each other, she's happy to know that he's out there somewhere in the world, unchanging.
  • As you can imagine, Antoine kind of resents this.
  • He says that he has thought about her often over the years. But she accuses him of having a terrible memory. She says he wouldn't even have known her if he'd seen her in the street. He more or less admits that this is true, but says it isn't his fault. She also makes fun of his red hair and sense of style. She makes fun of a hat he used to wear.
  • Antoine is stunned by how well Anny can remember the past. He can barely remember any details.
  • Suddenly, Anny mentions that she's getting old and fat, probably fishing for a compliment.
  • She also tells Antoine that she has given up her job as an actress and is now travelling around as a "kept" woman. In other words, she dates some old man who pays for all of her hotels, meals, and general living expenses.
  • Antoine wants to know whether the old man is English, but Anny says it's none of his business and offers him some tea. When she comes back, she asks Antoine to tell her a little bit about how he's been doing.
  • He tells her that he's living in Bouville and is still single. He mentions his book project, but doesn't mention that he's given up on it.
  • He wants her to probe deeper so he can tell her everything about his theory of existence. But she doesn't ask any more questions and he doesn't give any more answers.
  • She suddenly tells him that she has changed over the years. She asks him whether he has seen any change in her.
  • She says that the main thing that has changed in her is that she no longer looks for "perfect moments" in life.
  • She no longer tries to make her life into a movie, because she doesn't believe it's possible to have a perfect moment. She mentions again how happy she is that Antoine has never changed.
  • He argues that he has changed, though. After all, he has figured out the secret of existence, though he doesn't get a chance to tell her that.
  • As they talk, he admits to himself that he still loves Anny.
  • Anny suddenly hits him with the strange statement, "I outlive myself." She seems to mean that she has continued to live long after she has given up on finding happiness in life. Her body lives on, but her soul has died.
  • She says she used to love Antoine passionately, but that is all over now. She claims she'll never feel a strong passion for anything again.
  • She talks about how she doesn't like to look at things for too long because they start to disgust her. At this point, Antoine starts to wonder if she feels the same way he does about existence.
  • He asks her what a "perfect moment" actually is, according to her definition. She tells him a story about when she was young and she had a big history book.
  • In the entire book, there were pictures of only a handful of historical scenes. She figured that these scenes must have been the most important ones, and then applied that idea to her whole life. She figured that by the time she died, there would be three or four moments that stood out as the most important ones of her life.
  • Antoine apologizes for never making an effort to understand her when they were lovers. She tells him not to expect any credit for realizing this so late in the game.
  • They talk for a moment about the first time they kissed.
  • Finally, Antoine tells her about his recent experiences and his theory of existence, saying that he and she have reached the same conclusions about life.
  • She says they don't think the same way at all. Antoine's point of view is basically selfish. He wants the universe to care about what he does with his life, and he doesn't care about whether or not the lives of other people have any meaning.
  • He tells her about the old song he likes to hear on the record player at the train station bar in Bouville. He wonders out loud if this record is able to give him a perfect moment.
  • But perfect moments, Anny says, can only exist in the past. They can only be perfect when we can no longer experience them. It's impossible to know a perfect moment while it's happening. You can only know it through your memory. That's why people always feel so nostalgic about the past and not the present.
  • The conversation dies and Anny tells Antoine that he needs to go. He asks when he'll see her again, but she says she doesn't know, since she's leaving for London the next evening. Antoine realizes that it'll be another ten years before he sees her again, and that's if he ever sees her at all.
  • As he leaves, she kisses him on the mouth. He grabs her and pulls her toward him, but she refuses to return his embrace.
  • She finds it sad and ironic that he has learned to care properly for her only after he's found out that it's too late. And with that, she shuts the door on him.