Careers: Proctologist

Look… you know this video is going to be filled with butt jokes. We know this videos is going to be filled with butt jokes. Just press play and watch the thing.

College and CareerCareers
LanguageEnglish Language
Life SkillsCareer Categories
SubjectsCareers
College and Career

Transcript

00:27

area of expertise make sure to give you a hard time. "You enjoying your career" asks [Two other doctors making jokes]

00:31

Sarah, "I'm sure it's a gas" Mike butts in with "don't be cheeky" hardy har har. Well

00:38

it goes on for another 15 minutes while you start your enchiladas knowing better

00:41

than any one of the table where they're gonna end up so when someone makes an

00:46

appointment with you is that a booty call, how did you crack your way into

00:50

this field. By the way sorry I didn't go into proctology with you I have an

00:54

intolerance for dairy air. Oh how hilarious what a colossal joke your [Two other doctors laughing]

00:59

career is right, but hold on. Your assistant comes rushing into your office

01:03

and you immediately drop your fork full of refried beans it's Mr. Hines she says

01:07

he just came in and he's in severe pain I think you'd better have a look right

01:11

away, both lunches definitely over. Well you get Mr. Hines up on your table

01:15

pants around his ankles and you take a look, it's a complete rectal prolapse. [Patient with his trousers down]

01:19

As in his rectum was basically fallen to the point that it's clearly

01:23

visible externally in, layman's terms his pooper has collapsed. Well this isn't

01:28

the kind of situation where Mr. Hines can just grin and bear and go back to

01:31

work and see you again in a month. This thing needs to be operated on now. You're

01:36

not sure what caused the prolapse and you sort of don't really want to know [Surgeon holding a scalpel]

01:40

could have been excessive straining during constipation or complications

01:44

from a previous operation or something oh so much worse, but the why doesn't

01:49

really concern you at the moment in order to prevent further damage to Mr.

01:52

Hines anal sphincters and not as funny as the words might have been 10 minutes

01:56

ago are they, you've got to operate and quickly, he's suffering. Well looking over [Other two doctors looking worried]

02:00

the situation you quickly decide that an incision in the abdomen isn't necessary

02:04

this surgery can be performed via perineal approach where you cut into the

02:08

area between the anus and the genitals and gain access to the

02:12

pelvic cavity that way. Always nice to know a shortcut there. Well you have the

02:16

anaesthesiologist put Mr. Hynes under of course he probably doesn't want to be

02:20

awake for this business. And then you begin to operate once inside you remove

02:24

a portion of the rectal wall and stitch the edge of the wall into the anal canal [Surgeon performing the procedure]

02:28

so that the rectum is moved back into place and is unlikely to prolapse again.

02:32

Feeling queasy yet? Well yeah it's all fun and games until it's your rectum

02:37

that collapses and you need help. We're just going to put it out there.

02:40

Butts are funny but and that's a big butt... Stuff that can happen to butts is

02:45

dead serious people can come to you with pus filled abscesses or sores anal [Google search for 'stuff that can happen to butts']

02:49

fistulas or cracks between the bowel and anus that can bleed profusely. Horribly

02:54

painful cases of haemorrhoids, swollen veins near the anus there can be malignant tumors up

02:59

there and yeah there's also colon cancer or rectal cancer i.e. Colo rectal cancer.

03:04

You're dealing with matters of life and death here not just patching up a bunch

03:07

of fun boo boos, well jeez who in the world would want this job the answer?

03:12

Nobody. And for that reason a career in proctology is really attractive, wait why? [Long queue for a career in proctology]

03:18

Our point is because no one in the right mind would want to spend all day hearing

03:23

the words obstructed defecation i.e. a turd that's being a turd and then having

03:28

to deal with what that term implies. A person who's actually willing to perform

03:32

this job can make money hand over fist, among the top few moneymakers in the [Doctor sat with piles of money on his desk]

03:38

medical field are orthopaedic surgeons, the ones who deal with all the skeletal

03:42

and muscular things, cardiologists ie the heart doctors and proctologist /

03:48

gastroenterologist the latter being the ones who generally diagnose and then

03:52

send you over to the procto docto so yeah we're talking the same kind of

03:55

money made by those who take care of the systems that hold your body upright and

03:59

keep your blood flowing. Major stuff, major money. Being a proctologist is not

04:04

pretty and when you're making 400 grand a year and that's just the average for a [File showing proctologist's average salary]

04:07

procto, much more in major urban centers and a lot less in rural Iowa. It can make

04:12

the day-to-day routine of staring into the wrong end of your patients pretty

04:16

bearable, of course you'll still be paying through the nose or through

04:19

elsewhere for all those student loans you've racked up to get through med

04:22

school but once you're in the black you'll be in fine

04:25

financial shape and of course it's not like you have to decide to be a

04:28

proctologist when you're in diapers in fact a lot of med students don't know

04:32

until late in the game that they actually do want to go the proctology

04:35

route, which is normal and totally fine. Sometimes all you know is that you want [Medical student reading about about future careers]

04:39

to be a doctor and then the decision to go into a particular field comes to you

04:43

through the back door. Sorry... Is being a proctologist stressful? Sure, mainly

04:48

because of all that life and death stuff we mentioned you'll eventually get over

04:52

the fact that you're fiddling around in your patient's nether regions. It'll just

04:56

feel like meet to ya, but the pressure that will be placed on you to remove

04:59

cancerous tissues spot malignant tumors and not leave your scissors

05:03

inside anyone's abdomen well that will keep you up at night. The good news is [X-ray showing scissors left inside the patient]

05:06

people will always have butts we cannot lie. Or at least for the next several

05:11

thousand years of human evolution until they become phased out in favor of

05:14

smooth posterior protuberances like a Barbie doll, but until then people are

05:18

going to have issues with their colons and they're going to have trouble going to

05:21

the bathroom and they're going to get bored and start shoving stuff up there

05:24

for no reason whatsoever. Well as long as human curiosity and gerbils continue to [Someone picks up a Gerbil]

05:29

co-exist there will always be work for you, so is it time to move proctology up

05:33

from the bottom of your list it may not be the wildest dream of every young boy

05:38

and girl but you'll be helping people heal and feel better and you'll

05:41

personally live a very comfortable life. Assuming you know you don't prolapse yourself. [Doctor in swimming pants jumps into pool]