The Catcher in the Rye
Welcome to the first world problem pity parade. Strap in.
|American Literature||All American Literature|
|Author||Salinger - J. D. Salinger|
|Early 20th-Century Literature||Early 20th-Century American Literature|
Lies and Deceit
Sexuality and Sexual Identity
Wisdom and Knowledge
Fate is just cruel and stupid sometimes.
But okay, here goes.
On the Saturday before Christmas break, I lost the fencing team's equipment on the subway [Holden leaves the fencing equipment on a bench]
and missed the biggest football game of the year.
Then I went to chat with my history teacher, but he started reading at me from a paper
I wrote and I was like, "dude, seriously, I know what I wrote, you don't have to read [Teacher holding up a paper]
it back to me."
To top everything off, I got into it with my roommate, and he beat me up. [Holden gets punched by his room mate]
Oh…did I forget to mention?
I was also expelled from my super-expensive private school. [Holden walking away from Pencey Prep school]
Yeah…and this is just Day One of the Worst Weekend Ever.
So I skipped out on ol' Pencey Prep and headed to New York City, thinking I'd spend a few
days in the Big Apple before reporting back to the parentals. [Holden sat on a train]
I ended up in the not-so-swanky Edmont Hotel.
If only we had had Yelp back then… [Hotel with missing windows and a broken sign]
We were also missing Netflix, so I had to find a way to kill time.
Which is how I ended up looking for a lady to spend some…ya know…quality time with… [Holden walking up to a lady on the street]
Give her the time, y'know what I'm saying here right people?
It didn't work out too hot.
I got pimp-punched for my trouble. [Holden gets punched in the face again]
But there's a always a lesson to be learned, and the takeaway here?
Be grateful for Netflix.
Then it was Sunday.
I know what you're thinking…
"It's a new day!
Things will get better!
Who needs Netflix?"
You know who says stuff like that? [Holden in bed with a black eye]
Phonies, that's who.
Anyway, I went on a date with this girl I knew, shot my mouth off, and well she ditched me… [The girl stands up and punches Holden]
…then I bought a record for my kid sister, Phoebe, which I promptly broke.
Can't a guy catch a break? [Holden accidentally drops the record]
While my folks were away from home, I went to visit Phoebe.
I told her that I was the catcher in the rye…y'know, the guy who's supposed to save children from
falling off the cliff and losing their innocence, or whatever... [Kid falls off a cliff and Holden catches him]
Hey, it made sense when I said it.
But soon enough, my parents came back, and I escaped from the apartment to see my old
English teacher, Mr. Antolini, who didn't much care for my whole “catcher in the rye” shtick. [Holden meets english teacher in the gym]
I fell asleep at Mr. Antolini's, but woke up in the middle of the night to find him
patting my head, like I was some kind of dog, or something. [Mr. Antolini patting Holden's head]
Anyway, it kind of weirded me out, so I left.
I wandered around for a while before I decided to head out west and live as a recluse, because [Holden walking down a street]
that makes about as much sense as anything else I've done.
However, after I broke Phoebe's heart by telling her she couldn't come with me... [Phoebe crying]
...I decided to stay home.
I took Phoebe to the zoo and she rode the carousel and she was so happy that…I dunno, [Holden and Phoebe look excited]
it made me kinda happy…
And… well that's about it.
That was how I ended my worst weekend ever.
Well, now I'm in a mental hospital, where I hang around with this guy named Jerry who [Holden walks over to Jerry]
goes on and on about conspiracy theories and what an evil jerk Jean-Luc Picard is. [Jerry starts to shake]
He told me I was an inspiration to the man who shot John Lennon. [Jerry looks angry]
So hey… things are looking up!
Huh, well would you look at that?
I'm being phony.
But hey…on the bright side, only a few more decades until Netflix comes around. [A TV plays static]