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Transcript

00:26

brimstone, but Song of Solomon puts the brakes on all that in order to tell [couple picnicking]

00:31

a good old-fashioned love story. And, you might want to put a can next to you. this

00:36

gets sickeningly sweet. So, the Song of Solomon also known as the Song of Songs [man holds can]

00:41

deals with two young people who are deeply in love, but in a super creative [couple watches sunset]

00:47

plot twist her family doesn't approve. The book begins with the bride talking

00:52

about her potential groom it's pretty disgustingly clear that they're in love [couple on a boat]

00:56

but this is actually the first time in the Bible that we see two people in love.

01:00

So, SOS is kind of saying hey guys love can actually exist between people and [couple shares spaghetti]

01:07

it's an awesome God-given gift. I mean sure it can also be seen as a

01:11

representation of God's love for Israel, You know, God equals man, Israel equals [bearded man mails letter]

01:16

woman but I'd like to think God would have penned better lines, "then your neck

01:21

is like the Tower of David built in rows of stone". Yeah like come on that's [ couple talks outside tents]

01:27

definitely a dumb boy's attempt at really flirting. All right. And you know I'm

01:31

speaking from experience here. Well, she says his love is better than wine, which [couple in vineyard]

01:37

is nice and all but my wife once told me that marrying me was the, and I quote,

01:41

"single greatest regret of her life". unquote. Though, you know comparable. Well [couple in a church]

01:48

a lot of the imagery in the poem is based on nature, which is a nice concept

01:51

until you realize that the dude was probably scribbling this last minute. [man writes while running]

01:55

Like, come on check out these choice lines. "Your hair is like a flock of goats" That's really really bad. That was a compliment back then.

02:03

"Your teeth are like a flock of shorn sheep." yeah those things did he just pick out

02:10

random things he saw on the road to her place or what? And, like it's a little

02:14

weird. like why is he so into barnyard animals? hmm hmm

02:19

And anyway back to our couple. Well, the sketchy groom runs to the bride's window [ man approaches building]

02:23

to invite her to escape with him - classic move - and sure they fantasize about it

02:27

but that's about as far as that scene goes. It's g-rated- which is probably

02:31

smart move on her part. Who knows where goat boy's mind might [ couple lays in grass]

02:34

wander. Baaaa. well the next scene comes from a dream the bride has. In it she [girl in bed]

02:40

sees her groom dressed as King Solomon surrounded by tons of servants. It might

02:45

just be one servant who weighs tons, and glad they focus on her dreams and not

02:52

his, all that bleating would give me a headache.

02:54

anyway we then switched to the groom's point of view and we get to hear about [couple argue]

02:58

how great his bride is and how much it stinks that she's so far away. Riveting.

03:03

next we go back to some dreams the bride's having. In one she's dressed as a [woman in costume]

03:07

giant armadillo- we're not making this up people- giant armadillo. And she's singing

03:12

the 12 days of Christmas while people throw bananas at her. Which have appeal.

03:16

and another she can see the groom at her window but she can't get to him. Only one [woman waves from window]

03:21

of those dreams is true, and all right well we'll leave it up to you to decide

03:24

what we made up there. Sorry, just a curveball. All right, well the poem

03:28

continues with the bride describing how attractive her groom is - yikes. [woman writes while sitting under a tree]

03:31

Watch out guys, getting real pg-13 now up in here.

03:34

wonder if someone's being paid by the word for this scintillating tale. Well we

03:38

continue reading about how much these two saps love each other and how

03:41

obsessed they are with each other, and we all know a couple like this. We all hate [man scowls in the corner]

03:46

a couple like. This, we all secretly cackle when that couple breaks up - Angie,

03:50

Brad- some of us don't even secretly cackle. some of us have lost friendships

03:54

over our public cackling. All right, I stand by it. [,man shrugs]

03:57

Anyway as the book comes to a close we see that the bride hasn't disowned her

04:01

protective family, but instead is pleading with them to let her groom into [mother and father pictured]

04:05

the house. they're probably like "well when he's written to you, why is he so into goats?"

04:12

"What's up with that?" Well the book ends with family saying "yeah you're too young

04:17

to get married but we'll help you plan a marriage when [couple at a wedding]

04:21

you come of age ,but for real he's super into goats. Just saying" . All right, well

04:27

it's implied in the bride yelled "you just don't understand our love", and

04:31

and stormed off to her room to pout and listen to whatever mixtapes[girl listens to music]

04:35

the groom had made for her. Well, the books last lines are final declarations

04:39

of love from both the groom and the bride. You can now use that can I told [couple holds hands]

04:44

you to put next to you at the start of this video. Got it all out? Excellent, here

04:48

we go, that's the Song of Solomon. Well I'm off to write my wife a beautiful poem

04:53

I'm thinking it'll go something like your "eyes are like a gang of pigs that [man stands waving arms]

04:58

want to have a street fight against another gang of pigs, your lips are like

05:03

two worms thrashing about in manure " . See, it's romantic gestures like these that

05:08

make my wife Google things like "can a marriage be annulled after 16 years?" [woman scowls]