A lot of you probably picture Hera as this heartless, bitter, vengeful…woman. We're here to show you that there's more to her than that. By the end of this video we'll have you all yelling, "Girl power!"
Ah...videos. I am told that the interweb is the best way to reach you people these days.
I'm sure this will go virulent....
Oh, I meant viral, of course.
I'm sure that this video will go viral and finally set the record straight.
Now, it has come to my attention that the prevailing opinion of me is quite negative.
Rather than the good work I've done as the goddess of marriage,
I'm known as an awful, vengeful shrew.
I will admit that I've taken some rather extreme actions in the past.
Yes, it's true I tried to stop that tramp, Leto, from giving birth to Apollo and Artemis.
And yes, I did send Python, that snaky-dragon to devour her.
And yes, I did send a gadfly to sting that heifer, Io, when she was
wandering the world in the form of a cow.
I also tricked that trollop Semele <<SEM-uh-lee>> into asking Zeus to reveal himself in his
true form, which... happens to be lightning...
...and which just so happened to completely obliterate every inch of her body while she
was pregnant with Dionysus. <<DIE-oh-NIGH-sis>>
You know what I have to say to all these things...
Give me a close up here...
SO WHAT? Each and every one of those little hussies
got what they deserved, because each and every one of them
was sleeping around with my husband, Zeus.
If you don't believe me, I have the pictures to prove it.
I'm the goddess of marriage, for gods-sake...
...do you know how embarrassing that my
own marriage is a total sham?!
What am I? Some kinda joke? I'm supposed to just smile and let this stuff go down?
People are always criticizing me for harassing Zeus's illegitimate children too.
Like Heracles, everybody's favorite hero blahblahblah...
...whom I harassed while he was doing his 12 Labors, which...
...he had to do because I caused him to go crazy
and kill his kids.
People say, "Hera, why do take your anger out on Zeus's lovers and kids, when it was
him that's continually unfaithful. Isn't he the real problem, here?'
What can I do, though? The bonehead is all powerful.
I'm just a gal living in a fascist, patriarchal, male-dominated society.
People may try to paint me as the villain, but I'm not. I put the "Hera" in heroine.
I'm a freedom fighter, if you will.
I'm here to tell all you ladies out there that you don't have to put up with it any more.
The revolution starts today... and it will be televised.