Meet the Lady of Shalott. Not to be confused with the Lady of Shallot, who is frequently in a pickle.
|19th-Century Literature||19th-Century British Literature|
|British Literature||19th-Century British Literature|
All British Literature
But don’t get too excited – there weren’t any men, either.
Nope, it was just little ol’ me in my tower on the lonely island of Shalott. [Woman looking unhappy in the window of a tall tower]
I was kind of like the Statue of Liberty except, you know, alive. [The womans face on the Statue of Liberty]
Watching over all those people living their lives in such a cool city across the water… [Footage of New York]
But don't feel too bad for Lady Liberty.
At least she gets visitors.
Sometimes I would start singing, just to freak out the reapers working below.
(Singing) At first I was afraid, I was petrified... [Woman dancing in the window]
I know…I'd be a ringer in karaoke.
You’re probably wondering "hey, if you didn't have karaoke, how'd you spend your time?" [Worker waiting for the Grim Reaper]
Most of the time, I just played Guitar Hero.
But when I wasn't doing that, I was pretty big on weaving this magic web. [Woman drops toy guitar and walks over to loom]
I'd also be a huge hit at parties.
Why did I do all this?
Well, if I ever stopped working on my web and looked outside, I was going to be cursed. [Woman looks outside and looks unhappy]
…At least I thought I’d be cursed. [Woman is struck by lightning and sets on fire]
I heard a rumor on TMZ….
When I say it out loud, it makes me sound a little gullible.
Anyway, I also had a magic mirror, which showed “shadows of the world.” [Woman looks into the mirror]
Yes, you heard right.
Not gonna lie, it was a pretty sweet tower, even if it was missing a karaoke machine.
Like…this thing could've been on MTV Cribs: Tower Edition. [The tower on TV]
Anyway, I could see all sorts of people from outside of my tower
with this mirror, but they were always a little fuzzy.
And whatever I saw in my mirror, I’d weave into my web. [Pictures of poeple show in the mirror]
…I'm not saying my web was the most interesting thing in the world…lots of harvesting and…meandering…
But, of course, things didn't stay like that forever. [Man reading a scroll]
That’d be a pretty boring story…
Everything changed when I saw him.
I only caught a glimpse of him in my mirror, but let me tell you, he was something. [Sir Lancealot riding a horse]
He made my Ryan Gosling poster look like a sad Muppet. [Poster falls to the floor]
But when I saw Sir Lancelot, I forgot all about that silly curse.
I was tired of seeing men in mirrors.
I wanted the real thing. [Woman looks upset and walks over to the window]
So I stepped away from my loom and looked out the window.
Remember that curse I mentioned?
Yeah…it was real.
Score one for TMZ reporting.
When I looked outside, my mirror cracked and my web flew apart. [It starts to rain]
Which was kind of a bummer. [The web flies out the window]
I hadn't even Instagrammed it yet.
I knew I was in trouble, so I bolted from my tower and set forth towards the river. [Woman running for the door]
It was time to accept my destiny.
And maybe do some karaoke, if I had the time… [Woman singing in the rain]
One rousing rendition of 'My Heart Will Go On' later, I found a boat, wrote
my name on it, got comfy, and let it float down the river.
That was pretty much all she-wrote for good-ol’ me.
I died on the boat, and I didn’t even get to see Camelot. [Woman dead in the boat]
So much for that Groupon to tour the Round Table…
But hey, at least I didn’t go unnoticed.
When my body washed up in Camelot, a bunch of wealthy, noble people gathered round, [Men see the boat with the Lady of Shallot inside]
wondering what had happened.
Sounds like an episode of CSI, doesn’t it?
Then Lancelot showed up and was like, "hey, she's got a lovely face, this lady of Shalott." [Sir Lancealot arrives on his horse]
Which would've been the perfect rom-com scenario if I hadn't been….y'know…dead.
Anyway, that's my story.
And if you take one thing away from my tale, let it be this: always listen to TMZ reporting. [TMZ logo on the TV]
…That was the point, right? [Woman shrugs and holds her arms up]