Texas EOC English 2: 2.1 Revision

LanguageEnglish Language
RevisionPersuasive
Test PrepTexas EOC II
Texas EOC English IIRevision
Texas EOC IIRevision
Texas EOC Level IITexas EOC English II

Transcript

00:26

on All right we're done Jenny would like to revise

00:34

sentence to in order to create a more effective and

00:36

sophisticated introduction Which of the following is the best revision

00:39

and hear the angels Okay a lot of hero sandwiches

00:46

going on to make sure jenny's new sentence to is

00:48

the best it can be We'd probably better take another

00:51

look The first sense is well so let's do that

00:53

All right one My grandfather walter james was an american

00:56

hero of the world war two generation great And two

01:01

you could say he was a hero for more than

01:03

one reason All right Put together these sentences field choppy

01:06

and vague It takes jenny several more paragraphs to explain

01:09

why her granddad was a hero for more than one

01:12

reason Right And it's Never good to leave readers in

01:15

the dark like that For one they get bored And

01:20

two they might trip on stuff You know we know

01:22

that happening All right Choices just as bad as the

01:25

original sense Well actually it's worse Not only does it

01:28

not tell us why walter was a hero for other

01:31

reasons It also starts with the phrase and furthermore just

01:35

weird and awkward See makes all the same mistakes as

01:38

a it doesn't give us the intel we need on

01:40

walter and it's Pretty awkward to boot We have to

01:43

have a better idea About how this whole hero thing

01:45

works This's so vague that for all we know walter

01:48

might have been able to turn into the hulk Be

01:52

kind of cool though Might be actually gives us the

01:57

info we need when it tells us that walter is

02:00

also a hero to him family But once again the

02:03

senses well awkward man there's More awkwardness going around here

02:07

than our first middle school dances Joyce d is the

02:11

best answer we've got it's not awkward and tells us

02:14

about walter's hero status with his family It turns out

02:17

it's because he was a dedicated blob Uh bad We

02:21

were hoping he was the hope I would be really 00:02:23.28 --> [endTime] told heather that is home Oh snap