Texas EOC English 2: 2.1 Revision

on All right we're done Jenny would like to revise

sentence to in order to create a more effective and

sophisticated introduction Which of the following is the best revision

and hear the angels Okay a lot of hero sandwiches

going on to make sure jenny's new sentence to is

the best it can be We'd probably better take another

look The first sense is well so let's do that

All right one My grandfather walter james was an american

hero of the world war two generation great And two

you could say he was a hero for more than

one reason All right Put together these sentences field choppy

and vague It takes jenny several more paragraphs to explain

why her granddad was a hero for more than one

reason Right And it's Never good to leave readers in

the dark like that For one they get bored And

two they might trip on stuff You know we know

that happening All right Choices just as bad as the

original sense Well actually it's worse Not only does it

not tell us why walter was a hero for other

reasons It also starts with the phrase and furthermore just

weird and awkward See makes all the same mistakes as

a it doesn't give us the intel we need on

walter and it's Pretty awkward to boot We have to

have a better idea About how this whole hero thing

works This's so vague that for all we know walter

might have been able to turn into the hulk Be

kind of cool though Might be actually gives us the

info we need when it tells us that walter is

also a hero to him family But once again the

senses well awkward man there's More awkwardness going around here

than our first middle school dances Joyce d is the

best answer we've got it's not awkward and tells us

about walter's hero status with his family It turns out

it's because he was a dedicated blob Uh bad We

were hoping he was the hope I would be really 00:02:23.28 --> [endTime] told heather that is home Oh snap