The Bible: 1 Chronicles

give you the scoop on the first book of chronicles

If you've been following along you may realize that you've

seen this all before One chronicles is pretty much a

recap of the history of israel from adam all the

way teo you know in the solomon proving that even

in biblical times there were no new ideas Anyway the

israel lights had just been released from their babylonian exile

which happened after the persians took power They were going

home and they needed to regain their heritage They needed

stories from their great pass to get them going again

They needed teo stop at a seven eleven and load

up on snacks for the road You know some manna

stuff So one chronicles begins with genealogies nine whole chapters

of them and then tells the story of king david

it's a bit whitewash though none of that messy groups

got another man's wife pregnant and then had him killed

L oh well hash tag Yolo stuff Yeah David becomes

king after the death of saul the first king of

israel david spends most of his time Is king fighting

the enemies of israel and turns out he's really good

at it Philistine xhm oa bites ammonites and even ara

means none of them stand a chance against king david

Are you starting to see why this might be a

good story for a people who have been exiled for

generations in glory days galore david continues winning battles and

even brings the ark of the covenant to jerusalem before

george lucas takes it for a movie at first is

placed in a tent which we hope got some pretty

stellar yelp reviews but then david starts to feel guilty

he's like i have this awesome house but the aren't

just has a little tent and god is like chill

dude The tent has five stars on yelp free wifi

and a continental breakfast before ten a m also it's

totally okay for now because one of your sons will

eventually build a temple for the ark so things are

going smoothly for david Any israel light's a little too

smoothly And there's One thing we know will disrupt peace

and quiet It's a plague No not a plague huh

Maybe famine still know How about abba announcing a reunion

tour All right strike three All right So what did

david do to get got all riled up Well hold

onto your seats because this is a doozy He conducted

a census Yep Serious A census you know How old

are you How much money do you make What do

you think you pay in taxes this year That senses

and god was not happy with david So he offers

him and choice of punishments Three years of famine three

months of foreign attacks for three days of wrath and

pestilence Well david decides to go with the short and

sweet and god plagues the country for three days Seventy

thousand people die david's Like now i gotta take a

new census and then has to immediately send a thousand

j k's to god Not a humor full guy So

david beg forgiveness from god and build an altar for

him He also buys got a snickers bar just in

case he was you know angry or something Yeah god

relents the plagues go away and david decides he really

doesn't need to know how many people are in his

kingdom after all since this bi dan so after all

the census nonsense is done david starts to gather money

and materials to build the temple but he won't be

building it God dropped him a line saying he can't

build it because he has so much blood on his

hands what with fighting all the time you know but

god's like your son is going to be way calmer

and never take a census so he can build the

temple While the last thing that david does before giving

over the crown to solomon is to tell him that

being faithful that god is the most important thing he

could do is king and too seriously never ever take

a census unless he's completely census lists and god chimes

in also steer clear of terrible puns just my two

census and presumably he and david shared an awesome air

five anyway solomon comes to power with nary a pun

to be heard and the first book of chronicles is

over Join me next time for the second book of

chronicles Until then i'm cecil b de shmoop and this

has been it's not too late to go back to

law school Look at your sister She picked such a 00:04:40.568 --> [endTime] stable career Yeah right mom sitio