Hopefully, spending six minutes learning about Shakespeare's The Tempest isn't going to throw you into a fury. We'd hate to be responsible for you having a tempest tantrum.
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jerk, to steal my dukedom away from me.
So they kidnapped Miranda and myself, put us on a Tinker Toy boat and… bon voyage! [Prospero and Miranda tied up on a boat]
We were exiled.
Good thing my buddy Gonzalo packed a few goody boxes.
Most were full of things like Sudoku, or People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive issue, but one
of them contained something important…. [Box of toilet paper, magic tricks and Harry Potter]
….my magic books.
This is where we landed - not a resort or beach party in sight … [Prospero sat on a box on some rocks]
Not exactly the "warm welcome" you'd hope for.
Then I met the locals - a nasty witch, Sycorax and her caveman son, Caliban.
And let me tell you…Caliban? [Sign saying beware of Caliban]
This guy wasn't going to be named People's Sexiest Man Alive anytime soon.
He looked like the love child of the wicked witch of the west and Bigfoot. [Man missing a tooth in a cave]
My apologies to both the witch and Bigfoot for that terrible comparison…
I learned that Sycorax had trapped a spirit named Ariel in a tree. [Boy disappears into a tree trunk]
And worst of all – she was trying to turn her cheap magic tricks on Miranda and me.
But I'm the the premier party entertainer of Milan three year's straight for nothing.
I sent her back to Hogwarts, freed Ariel and enslaved Caliban. [Prospero sends the witch flying away]
He wasn't exactly a happy camper with me as his new master, but….he learned to deal.
Fast forward 12 years and here’s my Miranda - now a teenager.
She had to grow up with no malls, cell service, BFFs – and absolutely no boyfriends. [Girl looking upset]
…Not that I'm complaining about that one.
Like most dads I have rules.
Curfew is sundown, and no dating outside her species. [Miranda at a picnic with a gorilla]
One day, Miranda spotted a ship.
I thought it was a rescue operation, but alas…
It was a boatload of my enemies, bringing with them a boatload of trouble.
My brother Antonio, aka the cheat, Alonso, the King of Naples, aka the Jerk, Sebastian,
his slimy brother, my good friend, Gonzalo, and… some other guys.
It looked like they had recently attended a wedding, but…they were still quite a motley [All of the guys stood on a ship]
Just…with less makeup and more boring hairstyles…
I told Ariel to hurry and find a spell for a tempest – you know, like hurricanes? [Prospero with his hands in the air]
But hey, I'm not a bad guy!
Y'know what I always say…don’t drown ‘em – just shipwreck ‘em!
…Okay, maybe I've never said that before, but that was my goal.
Because it was finally payback time. [Ship at sea in the rain]
And this time, I had some magical aide on my side.
Ariel showed me where they all washed up. [Bodies on the beach]
So the bad boys - Antonio, Alonso, Sebastian, Alonso’s brother, and the good guy, Gonzalo,
all washed up here…
Prince Ferdinand, Alonso’s handsome son swam ashore here…and a couple of drunks,
Trinculo and Stephano are drying out here. [Guy with his arms crossed]
The bad boys searched for Ferdinand and Ferdinand searched for them – but then he met Miranda.
And whaddya know….it was love at first sight.
I think I handled it all very well. [Miranda walking off with Ferdinand]
Ariel had an update from the front: The bad guys thought Prince Ferdinand was dead.
So Antonio and Sebastian did what they do best; they started conniving: if they murdered [Antonio and Sebastian sneak away]
the King of Naples here, and with no Prince alive, Sebastian, the king’s sleazeball [The disappears and the crown moves to Sebastian]
brother, could grab the throne.
Sound like real winners, don't they?
But I know what you've all been wondering…
What's up with those drunks? …or was that just me?
News was always slow 'round these parts.
According to my tricksy spirit, Ariel, they encountered Caliban and freaked out. [Guys holding wine, see Caliban and run away]
Seriously, have you seen this guy's face?
He couldn't go to the zoo as a kid…. they kept trying to put him in a cage. [A cage falls on top of Caliban]
Caliban sees the two drunks and thinks they’re Gods.
…He was never the sharpest knife in the drawer. [Shining light coming from the drunks]
But dull knife though he was, he did want me dead, so he talked the drunks into murdering
After all, with me out of the picture, they could drink all day and rule the island.
Not a bad life….if you're Captain Jack Sparrow, that is. [The drunks sat drinking at Caliban's cave]
Sounds kinda monotonous, to me.
Oh, and if you were wondering about the bad boys…
It was time for them to meet their worst nightmare – Harpy.
Think Freddy Krueger but with wings.
And because I was always looking for ways to practice magic––seriously, the Milan [Harpy flies off]
magic scene is wicked tough.
Can't have The Spectacular Sal beating me, now can I? [Girls hands fall off]
…I decided to make my harpy friend a little more…intimidating.
He'll be back.
But magic isn't the only thing I was a pro at, back in Milan. [Harpy changing behind a curtain]
I used to cater parties, too.
And that's just what I decided to do for these stinkers… [Prospero holding a menu]
But this time, it was a trap - and the only thing on the menu was fresh misinformation:
“Ferdinand Drowns, with a side of Payback for Prospero in a beurre blanc [Picture of Ferdinand in the sea in the menu]
sauce” Bon appetite.
Oh…and it's not a meal without dessert…for my piece de resistance, I presented: the murder
plot against the King.
Looks like the rats got ratted out. [The king looks shocked]
And then Harpy did his Teddy Krueger act, because what's dinner without a show? [A flying teddy appears and they all run off]
Well, let’s hope they all brought a change of underwear.
Ariel lead them all back to me for a face-to-face.
What of the drunks, you ask?
I must admit, I pulled a dirty trick on the Caliban and our loveable drunkards. [The three walking together following a sign for free rum]
Ariel lured them into a cesspool for a little sobering up before my next surprise. [They all look scared]
While they were distracted by changing their clothes and not murdering me, I pulled a slightly [The three go into the changing booth]
Who let the demon dogs out…
So, the stage was set for the big showdown. [Dogs run towards the booth]
The bad boys were trapped and zapped frozen in my magic circle.
I confronted each one of them – up close and personal.
Alonso was really sorry and returned my dukedom…
…I told Antonio and Sebastian that I was wise to their murder plot… [Antonio and Sebastian looking shocked]
Well, we’re best buds forever.
And as for Caliban and the drunkards?
They got some good exercise out of their folly, and I eventually forgave them for trying to [The three wearing torn up clothes]
Even Caliban promised to be less of a monster and obey me more readily. [Prospero giving them a box of rum]
And for my last trick, I announced the tragic loss of my daughter in the tempest.
O woe is me!
….Did you buy it?
A great magician always commits to his act. [Gravestone for Miranda]
Miranda and Ferdinand were both alive and well, playing a game of chess. [Playing a game of chess in the woods]
Y'know….like all young lovers do when left completely unsupervised…
And with that, we all boarded the ship to return home.
But first, I freed Ariel from his spirit gig…
And burned the magic books.
Magic has no place in my life, anymore… [Magic books being burned on a fire]
The birthday business is booming, this time of year. [Prospero makes himself disappear]