Typical Day
Kris Kringleberry starts his day at 6:00AM sharp. He downs a protein shake and a double dose of immunity-boosting vitamin packets, hoping it'll get him through the holiday season cold- and flu-free. It's a Christmas wish that probably won't come true, but as the local mall Santa, he has to maintain a positive outlook.
Kris takes his time gluing on his beard, using medical adhesive so it looks perfect. One of his fellow Clauses recommended that he try a new brand and so far, so good. Thankfully the beard doesn't need to be combed out, as Kris already did some serious beard grooming the night before.
He also glues on matching white eyebrows and a white wig. It's his least favorite part of the job because the glue stinks, but he has to be careful or else it'll look fake.
When he's done with the hair and beard, he slips into one of the three red suits hanging in his closet. The vibrant plush will do for today. It's a traditional Santa suit—Kris is a no-frills kind of guy. He likes to get dressed and ready at home because it helps him get into character.
There's also no privacy at the mall where he works, and there's nothing more embarrassing than trying to cram into a Santa suit in one of the tiny stalls in the men's room.
Kris arrives at the mall at 9:00AM and the line of expectant kids and their exhausted-looking parents is already incredibly long, snaking all the way down to the food court.
Kris receives a huge cheer from the crowd (another reason he likes to come in costume). He gives a hearty "Ho Ho Ho," and says hello to his helper elves, all kids from the local high school who have a hard time keeping their phones in their pockets.
Electricity fills the air as Kris takes a seat on his throne, which is actually an old lounge chair that the mall service crew spray-painted gold. Before he knows it, there are kids making their way past the seven levels of Candy Cane Forest, through the Sea of Swirly Gumdrops, and then walking up to Kris's lap (source).
For the next eight hours, Kris will listen to children make their special Christmas wishes. In addition to the multitude of school-age kids and toddlers, he deals with a hefty assortment of crying, vomiting, and sneezing babies, all of whom are too young to appreciate his fancy suit and glossy beard.
The most popular requests are video games, expensive dolls, and high-end fantasy wishes, like a mini sports car or trip to Disneyworld (complete with fancy hotel and first class airfare in a few cases).
One child asks for a fighter jet. When Kris asks whether he means the Playtown or Kids We Be version, he replies, "No, a real fighter jet." The boy smiles big when Santa tells him he'll see what he can do (that's not a guarantee).
Every couple of hours, Kris takes a breather and practices the stretches that he learned in Santa school to keep him from stiffening up. He also refuels with Christmas cookies every chance he gets. While others are worried about gaining weight during the holidays, Kris likes to think it's part of his job. Nobody likes a skinny Santa.
When the holidays are over, he'll revert to a low-carb diet and head back to the gym to lose the extra pounds he put on during the holiday season. Hey, if it worked for DeNiro, why not him?
At around 4:30PM, with only a half hour to go in his shift, Kris has to deal with an angry mother who won't stop yelling at her daughter. The daughter is refusing to smile for a photo, and if the woman is paying "fifteen expletive-deleted bucks" for it, her daughter better smile.
Kris diplomatically tries to calm the woman down while trying to win over the reluctant nine-year-old who's now fixated on his beard. Soon the kid starts shrieking about how Kris isn't the real Santa Claus and kicks Kris in the shins.
Thank goodness his shift is almost over, but for now he just has to grin and bear it. At least the kid and her mother have moved along, though there wasn't much holiday magic in that particular exchange.
At 5:00PM, Kris packs it in and wishes everyone a merry Christmas. He then high-tails it out of the mall and heads home, where he takes an extra dose of ibuprofen and a nice hot bath with Epsom salt in it. Avoiding looking at his now purple and blue shin, he wonders if the real Santa has to use Epsom salts. He probably has his own chiropractor, at least.
After dinner, he puts on a Christmas movie to get himself back in the holiday spirit. Around 7:45PM, Kris falls asleep on the couch with visions of sugarplums dancing in his head. A smile comes across his face as he dreams about the trip to Florida he's planning to take in January, once he collects all his well-earned Santa dough.