When something goes wrong, you’ll want to be able to blame it on your car. This leaves less accountability for you and makes it less likely that your dad will take away your keys. But seriously, sometimes it is the car’s fault.

Acceleration Skids

This can happen when your drive wheels lose traction. Don’t hit the brakes; rather, slowly take your foot off the gas and straighten out the front wheels. The next time you exit your vehicle, be sure to give your tires a stern talking to.

Locked Wheel Skids

If you are driving fast and suddenly slam on the brakes (which you shouldn’t do), your wheels can sometimes lock. It’s their way of saying, “No way, buddy, you can’t treat me like that! I’m getting too old for this!” When this happens, no amount of turning the steering wheel will get you out of your pickle. Take your foot off the brake, and the wheels should unlock. Then you may straighten your tires. Slow down, and make sure your vehicle is functioning properly before continuing onward.

Accelerator Malfunction

This is when a piece of an accelerator’s clothing falls off unintentionally, generally when it is making a television appearance. It also usually involves an exposure of its thrust lever.

Okay, it’s actually when your accelerator becomes unexpectedly stuck (as opposed to expectedly stuck?). If this ever happens you should:

1. Shift into neutral. That’s the ‘N.’ Contrary to what you may believe, it does not stand for ‘Nerve Gas,’ and you are not a Bond villain.
2. Apply the brakes. Or the ‘stoppers,’ as you like to call them.
3. Scan your surroundings to see if there is any safe route you may be able to take that will remove you from the path of traffic. Cut through a cornfield if you need to; just watch out for the baseball-playing ghosts.
4. Honk your horn and flash your lights to let other drivers know that you are either in trouble or a complete @$$#*!%.
5. Drive safely off the road and out of harm’s way.
6. Stop your car and cut the ignition. Phew!
7. Stay there forever.

Steering Wheel Locking Device

Be aware that your car has a steering wheel locking device. What this means is that if you ever turn your ignition to the “lock” position while your car is in motion, your steering wheel will lock, and you will not be able to turn it. Clearly, this could cause some problems. Hopefully you have already completed all of your turns, and your destination is perfectly straight ahead (not likely).