A Serious Shmoop Homily

A Serious Shmoop Homily

Driving is cool. Driving is fun. But it ain’t what beer commercials on TV tell you it is. The hot chicks flashing the camera are hot and all that, but they are a distraction. 

Fun driving in the media:

The reality of “fun driving”:

The thing that most accident causers cite as the hardest part of their post-accident lives isn’t their own injuries or the financial hardship they find themselves in having to pay off everyone they hurt. The hardest part is facing the mothers and fathers of the people they killed or maimed or injured for almost always no good reason.

So out of respect to the ghosts of the many dead people out there that irresponsible teens caused to become dead, repeat after us,

“Hi… Mrs. Jones? Yeah, um, it’s me, . I’m sorry, but I was the one who killed Suzy and Bobby.” Now you have to look directly into Mrs. Jones’ eyes and see them crying and continue, “I was texting on my phone, and I had the radio on really loud, and I was showing off for this blonde in the lane next to me by driving really fast. I’m off to jail now. I should be out in about a decade. Ok, then. Sorry. Bye.”

Or something like that.

Got it? You probably do, but we’re still going to bludgeon you with this stuff a few more times. We do it out of respect for the dead innocents and for the statistics that sadly tell us that some of you just won’t listen to us or take this part seriously. So just read it. Read all of it. And tell a friend. Maybe you’ll save a life.