The Real Poop

The Real Poop

To many people, lacrosse looks like the weird third cousin of soccer and hockey. You know—the one who shows up late to your family's Thanksgiving potluck with a big bag of Funyons. We, however, think lacrosse has a little more class than that guy.

Lacrosse actually has roots in Native American culture. For proof, here's a clip from Disney's Pocahontas. Bam. Because we all know Disney don't lie, right? The Onondaga and Mohawk tribes (subsets of Iroquois) played early versions of lacrosse along the eastern seaboard and present-day Canada.

Now, we know what you're thinking: Isn't Canada a little cold for skimpy pinnies? And the answer is: hey, don't change the subject. We're trying to teach you some history here. Rude. Anyway, by the time European settlers arrived, different forms of the game were popular from the Southeast to the Great Lakes (source). Guess everyone loves to hurl balls.

Today's NCAA lacrosse doesn't look so different from the game back then. Then, there were balls, nets, winners, and sore losers (every game has them). Now? Yep, pretty much the same deal.

We wouldn't last five minutes.

Lacrosse is still a big deal in indigenous communities. Two brothers from the Onondaga tribe, Miles and Lyle Thompson, shared Division-I lacrosse's most prestigious award in 2014. They also led the Iroquois Nationals, a powerhouse that competes as an independent nation, to a third place finish behind Canada and the U.S. in the World Lacrosse Championship (source). Color us impressed.

When most people think of lacrosse nowadays, they picture a bunch of dudes making crude jokes and whacking each other with sticks before doing a keg stand at Sigma Nu. Chill, brah. Okay, maybe that's an unfair stereotype. Then again, maybe not.

This sport is definitely associated with prep school culture. It's no coincidence that the strongest lacrosse programs in the country are all on the East Coast, the mecca of all things preppy. That is, except for the University of Denver, and Colorado is about as far west as men's D-I programs go (source).

We really can't forget about the lax broettes. In fact, there are more NCAA lacrosse programs for women than men. And the average scholarship for a female lacrosse player is higher than that of the average scholarship for a male lacrosse player (source). Get that cha-ching, ladies.

That is, if you're truly the cream of the crop. Div-I scholarships are extremely hard to score, Shmoopers. The odds of any ol' high school guy landing any ol' Div-I lacrosse scholarship are about 0.9%. You read that right: the odds are less than 1% (source). The odds for high school girls aren't much better, coming in at about a whopping 2% (source).

As for the rules, the women's game is basically the same...just without contact.

In any case, this sport requires a lot of its athletes. You need to have amazing hand-eye coordination, for example. Scratch that; you need to have amazing stick-eye coordination. It's hard enough to catch small, speeding objects with your hands. Lacrosse players have to catch an orange-sized ball with a small net that's at the end of a stick.

We would just flail miserably. You, however, are probably a lot more coordinated than us. If you're thinking, "Hey, sounds easy. I balance marbles on the tips of pencils all the time," then what we're about to say might crush you like an empty can on a frat bro's forehead.

On top of the skills, you need to have funds. Basketballs and soccer balls are cheap. If you're aspiring to glory in one of those sports, you just have to grab a ball, put on some loose clothing, pick an empty court or field, and get to practicing. Those are sports for the Everyman.

Lacrosse, though?

Yeah, okay, just find a fifty-dollar lacrosse stick, knee pads, shoulder pads, gloves, cleats, a helmet, and a band of dudes to play offense. The cumulative cost of playing for a club team and competing in recruiting tournaments can quickly exceed $10,000 (source).

So: rage, brawn, skills, and maybe some dolla billz (or at least connections). Have you got all of these things at your disposal, plus a little extra? If so, then read on. You just might have what it takes.