Agamemnon's Conversations

Agamemnon's Conversations

Wall

Wondering why Achilles thought he was too good to march in the Veterans of the Trojan War parade I organized.

For real, bro. He thinks he's too good!

I don't want to have anything to do with either of you losers ever again.

I'm sure you meant to type "winners." After all, we did win the war after you died from that girly little wound in your heel.

Yeah, your wound was girly!

You won the war because of Odysseus' sneaky Trojan Horse trick. You are all beneath me, and that is why I didn't march in your insignificant parade.

How dare you?!

Yeah, how dare you?!

Menelaus, I told you stop typing the same things I type.

Sorry.

You really are an embarrassment to the House of Atreus.

The entire house of Atreus is an embarrassment.

This means war!

Yeah, war!

I can't believe you're my brother.

Whatevs, bring it on. I'll be waiting by the pool.

Clytemnestra

Whenever I get a little down... whenever sadness fills my soul... whenever being an eternal resident of the Underworld makes me blue... I think about how I stabbed you to death in a bathtub, and it makes everything a little bit better.

Yeah, well whenever I'm sad, I think about how Orestes killed you. How does it feel to be slaughtered by your own son, you heartless crone? How does it feel to know that Electra celebrated when you died?

Sorry Mom... Apollo told me I had to do it.

Electra

Don't apologize to that murderess!

Clytemnestra

Your father was the murderer! He killed your sister!

Artemis said I had to!

Iphigenia

We're all dead now anyway. Can't we just get along?

No!

Clytemnestra

No!

Electra

No!

Probably not.

Iphigenia

Why is this my family?

Chryseis

You are an awful man. I'm glad you had a horrible death. You ruined my life when you stole me from my father, Chryses!

Briseis

She's right. You're totally disgusting. I thought being a love slave to Achilles was bad, and then you took me from him. Gross.

Yeah, well at least you two didn't have to go all the way back to Greece with him and get killed by his psychotic wife.

So, does this mean you ladies won't be coming to my pool party this afternoon?