As You Like It Touchstone Quotes

In case you hadn't noticed, Touchstone has a sense of humor about his past experiences with country-style love, which apparently involved making out with Jane Smile, a girl whose hands were chapped from milking cows. 

After Rosalind tells Touchstone to stop talking, Touchstone complains that, in the court, fools' words have no merit, but sometimes fools are best able to comment on what is really going on. Although Touchstone ultimately obeys Rosalind, the truth is that Touchstone is a "licensed fool" (a guy who literally has a license to say whatever he wants without getting into trouble). Paid fools were pretty common in the households of royalty and nobility in Elizabethan England and they pop up all over in Shakespearean drama. Even though they clown around a lot, they're typically the smartest characters in the plays. For example, think of the Fool in King Lear and Feste in Twelfth Night.

Touchstone responds to Celia's accusation that he is a "knave" (foolish idiot). On the surface, Touchstone's response seems like total nonsense that's designed to make us laugh, which it does. (After all, what the heck do mustard and pancakes have to do with anything?)  At the same time, Touchstone is the master of witty argumentation. Here, he points out that you can't be accused of lying if you swear on your honor and it turns out that you don't have any honor to begin with. Of course, if you would swear by what you do not have, you are dishonorable to begin with. Sigh.

Usually, Touchstone is the first person to bag on a character who is lovesick. Here, though, his insights about the nature of love seem pretty optimistic. He says that, even though love makes us do silly things, it's also the thing that makes us human. That's pretty right on, don't you think?

When Touchstone finds out that Orlando has been littering the forest with bad poetry about Rosalind, he pokes fun at Orlando's rhyming, sing-songy verse by making up a poem of his own. Touchstone also manages to get in a few jabs about Rosalind while he's at it. 

Hmm. Looks like Touchstone has already decided the court is superior to the countryside. 

Touchstone doesn't think wrestling is a sport for "ladies" to enjoy. Yet, Rosalind is eager to see the rib-breaking wrestling match. So, even before she pretends to be Ganymede, Rosalind defies traditional gender roles because she refuses to act how one might expect a "lady" to behave.

Touchstone suggests that, as soon as a man is married, he is transformed into a beast with "horns" on his "forehead" (a.k.a. a cuckold, or a man who has been cheated on by his wife). As unfair and sexist as it is, this idea is pretty common in Shakespearean drama. In fact, our favorite Danish Prince says something similar about his ex-girlfriend in Hamlet. Check it out:

Or, if thou wilt needs
marry, marry a fool; for wise men know well enough
what monsters you make of them. To a nunnery, go,
and quickly too. Farewell. (3.1.11)

Like Touchstone, Hamlet suggests that women turn their husbands into "monster[s]," or cuckolds (cuckolds were thought to have horns like monsters) because wives inevitably cheat. For more on cuckoldry in As You Like It, check out "Symbolism, Imagery, Allegory."

Aside from Touchstone being deliberately opaque, it is possible he is just using his balanced perspective again. His ability as a fool, as he has already said, is to see the foolish in the seemingly wise, which extends to seeing both sides of every argument.

It seems even Touchstone's rakish philosophy has its limits. He is fine messing around, but like anyone else, he's afraid of being alone, which is a rather poignant moment in these ponderings. He would rather suffer the complete foolishness of his country wife than be alone with his wit.