How we cite our quotes: (Chapter.Paragraph)
Quote #1
Grief is hard. Really hard. And you can't put the cap back on when you want to, like you can with a tube of paint. (1.1)
Corinna compares the year after Sophie's death to a bruise. In the fall, everything is black, but by spring, the black has a yellow and purple halo—she's not healed, but she's healing.
Quote #2
Some people say that the heavens are crying when it rains. I guess they're really crying tonight, crying with me. (4.1)
When you're sad, bright and sunny days can feel like they're mocking you. The gray, stormy sky matches Corinna's mood.
Quote #3
My dad said he thought Dr. R. was having a hard time accepting that she couldn't fix my mom. When she finally stopped chemo and all the other stuff, Dr. R. seemed kind of mad. (8.5)
Corinna doesn't understand that Dr. R. wasn't mad at Sophie; she was mad at cancer. After all, she's an oncologist—she knew Sophie was dying. How could you not be mad about (not at) the patients you can't save?
Quote #4
My world is upside down and inside out and scrambled like mush and it's really horrible, and I feel like I have this great, big, giant emptiness inside of me. (10.1)
Corinna has to redefine herself as a motherless child. The emptiness is partly the absence of Sophie, but it's also the absence of the self she knew.
Quote #5
This fall, Dad hasn't missed a single game, home or away, but he's kind of like a scarecrow. He stands there in his khakis and Orioles baseball hat, silent, tall, thin, kind of blowing around in the wind. (10.67)
Here's another example of being alone even when you're surrounded by people. Corinna's not the only one with an emptiness inside, and just because you still have to be someone's parent doesn't mean you can automatically get it together.
Quote #6
The other day, I heard my dad telling someone over the phone that I've been spending a lot of time in my room and that I was playing a lot of sad music. Like he hasn't […] then my dad said, "Yeah, we're kind of going through the motions of life, doing our best." (22.51)
Corinna and her dad have to go through the motions until they figure out what this new life is going to look like. They have to live it until they define it and it becomes normal. It's fake it 'til you make it in the worst of ways.
Quote #7
Our house is permanently changed. Our house is filled with sadness, not holiday cheer. Our house is missing someone. (22.55)
Seeing happy people when you're unhappy is awful. Seeing them being happy on Christmas is another level of terrible.
Quote #8
The next day, we head down to Ms. DuBoise's office at lunch period. Without even saying hello, I blurt out, "Just because her dad died three years ago doesn't mean she's over it." (24.17)
Dealing with Sophie's death makes Corinna more compassionate toward others. When she brings Clare to the grief group, she's trying to ease someone else's suffering in the midst of her own.
Quote #9
And I do talk to her, sometimes in my head, sometimes out loud, but still, she's not coming back to our house, to be my dad's wife, to be my mom here and now. She won't be there for all my graduations when everyone else's mom will, or for my wedding. (27.3)
Part of making peace with someone's death is looking toward the future and preparing to be without them in important moments.
Quote #10
At the end, it was kind of scary to see her lying there, barely breathing. I couldn't tell for sure if she was alive or not. I wanted to hold her hand, but I didn't know what I was and wasn't supposed to do. (43.12)
Corinna feels a lot of guilt over not saying goodbye, but watching your mom hover between life and death for days is enough to justify hiding in your room. We're pretty sure Sophie would forgive her.