Wedding Crashers
- More impressive stuff coming your way.
- Jesus and the disciples go to a wedding in Cana. Unfortunately, the open bar has to close down when the wine runs out. Jesus's mother is there with him and she lets him know that the party is starting to die down. Bummer.
- Jesus knows that she wants him to make more wine, but he explains that he can't just go around performing all kinds of miracles. He doesn't think it's the right time to out himself as the messiah just yet. Jesus: Judean man of mystery.
- But his mom doesn't really listen (typical) and tells the servants at the wedding that they need to follow Jesus' instructions.
- Jesus relents and tells them to take six giant jars and fill them up to the brim with water.
- When the head waiter (who doesn't know what Jesus has done) drinks some water out of the jars, it has miraculously turned into wine.
- The wine is so good, that the waiter runs up and congratulates the groom on serving such primo vino. See, usually hosts would bring out the best wine first; then, when the guests were less, um, discerning, out would come the so-so beverages. Needless to say, the waiter is very impressed.
- And there you have it: miracle #1. All of Jesus's disciples are sure of him now. They're probably also daydreaming about how easy and profitable it would be to start hosting heavenly wine tastings.
Jesus Trashes the Temple
- Soon it's time for Passover, so Jesus and the disciples head down toward Jerusalem. When they get there, they visit the temple in Jerusalem, but Jesus gets pretty annoyed when he goes inside.
- In the temple, there are merchants selling all kinds of stuff, instead of doing what you might expect people in a temple to be doing—worshipping God.
- Jesus makes a whip out of some cords and comes after the merchants. He throws their money on the floor, turns over the tables with their goodies on them, and yells at them all to get out because they're turning a holy place into a marketplace. Jesus never did learn to play nicely with blasphemers.
- People are not happy about the shenanigans. They demand that Jesus explain why he has rained on their parade. Sheep intestines don't grow on trees, you know.
- Jesus tells them that even if the whole temple were destroyed, it could be built up again in three days. Huh?
- The people have no clue what he's talking about. We feel their pain. They know the temple has been under construction for forty-six years, but somehow this guy is going to build a whole new one in three days? Who does he think he is? Bob Vila?
- Of course, the Gospel explains, they don't understand that Jesus is really talking about himself. He means that his body will be destroyed and raised up in three days. Thanks for clearing that up, Bible.
- The whole time Jesus is in Jerusalem for Passover, loads of people see the things he can do and start to believe in him. But Jesus isn't too thrilled: the people are just amazed by his miracles, but don't really get who he is. Emo Jesus is so misunderstood.