Quote 21
One big idea behind finding your model was that when you did, you'd glimpse your future. Now I don't mean anyone really thought that if your model turned out to be, say, a guy working at a railway station, that's what you'd end up doing too. We all realised it wasn't that simple. (12.12)
Kathy and her friends know that they aren't going down the same paths as their clone models. In the real world, their models have various jobs. In the clone world, there are only two jobs: carer and donor. So how could they "glimpse" into their future if they find their model? Wouldn't that future be incorrect?
Quote 22
I suppose it was mainly us newcomers who talked about "dream futures" that winter, though a number of veterans did too. […] It couldn't last, of course, but like I say, just for those few months, we somehow managed to live in this cosy state of suspension in which we could ponder our lives without the usual boundaries. (12.22)
At the Cottages, Kathy and her friend enjoy spending time in their little bubble. Now there's no Miss Lucy to tell them not to talk about dream futures. Instead, they can pretend that anything is possible. What do you think about the way Kathy describes these conversations about dreams? Why is it a "state of suspension"?
Quote 23
Ruth began telling us about the sort of office she'd ideally work in, and I immediately recognised it. She went into all the details—the plants, the gleaming equipment, the chairs with their swivels and castors—and it was so vivid everyone let her talk uninterrupted for ages. […] In fact, listening to her, I even started wondering if maybe it was all feasible: if one day we might all of us move into a place like that and carry on our lives together. (12.28)
Ruth's dream future comes from an advertisement she sees on the ground. At first, Kathy's a downer. But eventually even Kathy can't help but hope that maybe just maybe this dream future is a real possibility. Talk about the power of persuasion.
Quote 24
That was the only time, as I stood there, looking at that strange rubbish, feeling the wind coming across those empty fields, that I started to imagine just a little fantasy thing, because this was Norfolk after all, and it was only a couple of weeks since I'd lost him. I was thinking about the rubbish, the flapping plastic in the branches, the shore-line of odd stuff caught along the fencing, and I half-closed my eyes and imagined this was the spot where everything I'd ever lost since my childhood had washed up, and I was now standing here in front of it, and if I waited long enough, a tiny figure would appear on the horizon across the field, and gradually get larger until I'd see it was Tommy, and he'd wave, maybe even call. The fantasy never got beyond that—I didn't let it […]. (23.49)
This is Kathy's last daydream of the book. Do you think it's a happy dream or a sad one? Or maybe it's something in between. Check out how Kathy sets up a mental roadblock for anything beyond Tommy waving to her from the horizon. Why do you think she does this? What's on the other side of that roadblock?
Quote 25
The woods were at the top of the hill that rose behind Hailsham House. All we could see really was a dark fringe of trees, but I certainly wasn't the only one of my age to feel their presence day and night. (5.4)
Wow, those woods sound super creepy. Having woods constantly staring down at you doesn't seem like much fun. Notice how, for Kathy, the discomfort the woods conjure up in her is physical: she can "feel their presence." We have to agree; thinking about these eerie woods is giving us the heebie-jeebies. No wonder all the kiddos stayed put.
Quote 26
If we were honest, though, particularly near the beginning, most of us would have admitted missing the guardians. […] But this was one thing we'd been told over and over: that after Hailsham there'd be no more guardians, so we'd have to look after each other. (10.7)
Moving from Hailsham to the Cottages means leaving the guardians behind. Now there's no one to tell Kathy and her pals how to spend their days, no one to discipline them if they break the rules. It's kind of like moving away for college. Party time! Ah, but not so fast. Even though there are perks to this freedom, Kathy and her chums actually miss their old teachers… and maybe even their rules. Out here in the great wide open, they only have each other. And maybe that's not quite enough.
Quote 27
Of course, in practice, especially during the first months, we rarely stepped beyond the confines of the Cottages. We didn't even walk about the surrounding countryside or wander into the nearby village. I don't think we were afraid exactly. (10.9)
This sounds like a recipe for cabin fever. Unlike Hailsham, the Cottages have no gates whatsoever. So why don't Kathy and her friends go exploring? If they're not afraid, why don't they venture out?
Quote 28
It had turned into a crisp, sunny day, and my memory of it is that for the first hour we all felt so exhilarated to be out and about we didn't give much thought to what had brought us there. At one point Rodney actually let out a few whoops, waving his arms around as he led the way up a road climbing steadily past rows of houses and the occasional shop, and you could sense just from the huge sky, that you were walking towards the sea. (13.7)
Kathy and her friends finally take advantage of their newfound independence with the road trip to Norfolk. Everything about Kathy's description says freedom: Rodney's cheering, the big huge sky, the communal good mood. Maybe this group should get out more often.
Quote 29
But I do like the feeling of getting into my little car, knowing for the next couple of hours I'll have only the roads, the big grey sky and my daydreams for company. And if I'm in a town somewhere with several minutes to kill, I'll enjoy myself wandering about looking in the shop windows. (18.5)
As a carer, Kathy has a ton of freedom. This lifestyle sounds completely different from the fear Kathy feels when she first moves to the Cottages. Check out how Kathy mentions the "big grey sky." She likes to point out the sky when she's outside and enjoying her little bit of liberty.
Quote 30
I thought about Hailsham closing, and how it was like someone coming along with a pair of shears and snipping the balloon strings just where they entwined above the man's fist. Once that happened, there'd be no real sense in which those balloons belonged with each other any more. (18.37)
If someone cuts these balloon strings, then the balloons will float away. Be free, balloons! But here, that level of freedom isn't a good thing. Kathy doesn't want to be completely untethered. It sounds like being completely free might also mean feeling pretty lonely.
Then we came to a barbed wire fence, which was tilted and rusted, the wire itself yanked all over the place. When Ruth saw it, she came to an abrupt halt.
"Oh no," she said, anxiously. Then she turned to me: "You didn't say anything about this. You didn't say we had to get past barbed wire!"
"It's not going to be difficult," I said. "We can go under it. We just have to hold it for each other." (19.18-20)
While trying to get to the stranded boat, our favorite trio comes across this fence. Ruth feels a lot of fear, even though in the end it's not difficult to get through. Why does this fence make her so afraid? Ultimately, all conquering the fence takes is a little teamwork.
Quote 32
I found I was standing before acres of ploughed earth. There was a fence keeping me from stepping into the field, with two lines of barbed wire, and I could see how this fence and the cluster of three or four trees above me were the only things breaking the wind for miles. All along the fence, especially along the lower line of wire, all sorts of rubbish had caught and tangled. (23.49)
This is the last fence we see in the book. It's definitely significant that this fence is in Norfolk, since that's such an important place for Kathy. Did you notice how this fence isn't the cleanest? What do you think this trash might represent?
Quote 33
Driving around the country now, I still see things that will remind me of Hailsham. I might pass the corner of a misty field, or see part of a large house in the distance as I come down the side of a valley, even a particular arrangement of popular trees up on a hillside, and I'll think: "Maybe that's it! I've found it! This actually is Hailsham!" (1.8)
Kathy really wants to find her old digs. While driving, Kathy likes to reminisce about Hailsham and keep an eye out for it, just in case. In fact, we might even say Kathy is obsessed with finding her old home. Look at how excited she is when she thinks she's found it! Three exclamations!
Quote 34
Or maybe I'm remembering it wrong. (1.16)
Sometimes—okay, a lot of times—memory plays tricks on us. But this confession doesn't exactly inspire our confidence in Kathy as a storyteller. If she can't even remember her story, how are we supposed to trust her?
Quote 35
I won't be a carer any more come the end of the year, and though I've got a lot out of it, I have to admit I'll welcome the chance to rest—to stop and think and remember. I'm sure it's at least partly to do with that, to do with preparing for the change of pace, that I've been getting this urge to order all these old memories. (4.1)
Do you find it funny that Kathy says she wants to "order" all these old memories? To us, they are almost always out of order. Kathy's flashbacks are jumbled together and she likes to hop between them at random. But then again, maybe Kathy didn't mean she wanted to order her memories chronologically, but with some other system.
Quote 36
The earlier years—the ones I've just been telling you about—they tend to blur into each other as a kind of golden time, and when I think about them at all, even the not-so-great things, I can't help feeling a sort of glow. (7.1)
Looks like Kathy's wearing a big old pair of rose-colored glasses when she's looking at the past. To be fair, it does sound like Hailsham was a pretty awesome place to grow up.
Quote 37
I saw Harry fleetingly a couple of years ago at the recovery center in Wiltshire. […] I suppose there's no reason I should have any special place in his memory. We'd never had much to do with each other apart from that one time. To him, if he remembered me at all, I'd just be this daft girl who came up to him once, asked if he wanted sex, then backed off. (9.8)
Kathy understands that Harry may remember their experiences together differently than she does. In fact, she's been going on about Harry for pages and how important he was to her decision to have sex. In contrast, Harry might not remember Kathy at all. Even though they probably have shared memories of Hailsham, this is a reminder to Kathy that not everyone's memories are the same.
Quote 38
But then again, when I think about it, there's a sense in which that picture of us on that first day, huddled together in front of the farmhouse, isn't so incongruous after all. Because maybe, in a way, we didn't leave it behind nearly as much as we might once have thought. Because somewhere underneath, a part of us stayed like that: fearful of the world around us, and—no matter how much we despised ourselves for it—unable quite to let each other go. (10.13)
Kathy and her friends all have a tough time letting go of their shared past. What do you think of the image Kathy gives us here? To us, it sounds a bit like nesting dolls. Not only can the huddling friends not leave the past behind, but it's as if they keep their past selves tucked "somewhere underneath" their current ones.
Quote 39
But when I think about it now, I can see things more from Ruth's viewpoint. (11.16)
For Kathy, hindsight is 20/20. She's often so wrapped up in her own head, that she doesn't see things from anyone else's point of view. But when she's looking backward, Kathy gains a bit more insight. She's finally able to understand what other people might have been thinking.
Quote 40
I suppose, in general, I never appreciated in those days the sheer effort Ruth was making to move on, to grow up and leave Hailsham behind. (11.16)
Moving on can be hard to do. Ruth tries to move on from Hailsham by getting rid of her "collection." We can't imagine Kathy doing something like that. Kathy isn't exactly known for her ability to let go of the past. Why do you think Ruth is so intent on severing ties with Hailsham? What makes her so different from Kathy in that respect?