Lights, camera, action!
On a beautiful, bright, sunshiny day, Brad and Janet attend the wedding of their good friends. The happy couple drives away, and Brad, overtaken by rapturous joy, declares his love for Janet and proposes to her.
It's sweet enough to make you sick.
On a dark, sinister, stormy, night…wait a minute, are we still in the same movie? Yes, there's Brad and Janet, and they're driving through a thunderstorm when a tire pops. They don't have AAA, so they head to the nearby creepy castle on a hill to call for help. What could possibly go wrong?
If you were expecting werewolves, vampires, or ghosts, you're completely wrong. Instead, it's a dance party—let's do the Time Warp again. Janet's so freaked out by this bawdy dance party, like she's a nun watching a Katy Perry video. (And you know how nuns feel about Katy Perry.)
But for all her pearl-clutching, Janet doesn't know the meaning of freak out until a glamorous transvestite, Dr. Frank-N-Furter, descends in the elevator and welcomes Brad and Janet to his secret laboratory. His minions, Riff Raff and Magenta, strip Brad and Janet down to their panties and herd them onto the elevator. (Is this going to a secret lab or a sassy photo shoot? Both Brad and Janet are in phenomenal shape.)
In the lab, Dr. Frank-N-Furter reveals his plan: to create human life. But this isn't a bulky, stitched-together behemoth like Frankenstein's monster. No, this man is a bonafide hunk o' muscle in a gold Speedo. His name is Rocky…and he's way prettier than Sly Stallone. Maybe Riff Raff took Brad and Janet's clothes because he's planning to scrub them on Rocky's washboard abs?
It seems that Frank's experiments don't always go as planned. His previous man, Eddie, breaks out of deep freeze. After a rocking musical performance, Eddie's murdered by Frank with a pickax. (Yikes.) He wants to prove to Rocky, his newly manufactured beau, that Eddie meant nothing to him. When a man kills his human experiment for you, you know it's #truelove.
That night, Frank seduces both Janet and Brad separately. Janet, who'd been saving herself for her wedding night with Brad, feels betrayed when she sees Frank and Brad via hidden camera. Driven into a lustful rage, Janet pursues the muscled beefcake, Rocky.
Meanwhile, Brad's teacher, Dr. Scott, arrives at the castle looking for his nephew, Eddie. Frank believes that Dr. Scott, who is researching UFOs, sent Brad and Janet in as spies. They deny it, but Frank brings them to dinner to reveal Eddie's whereabouts. Dinner is served. What are they eating, meatloaf? No they're eating Meat Loaf. Frank reveals Eddie's body under the table, insinuating that he was the main corpse. Err, course.
Janet flees the dining room and is chased back to the lab by Frank. He uses a device called the Medusa Transducer to transform Janet, Brad, Dr. Scott, Rocky, and Columbia, Eddie's lover, into statues. Frank dresses them as himself, fishnets and all, and unfreezes them for a jazzy burlesque show.
Frank's show is interrupted when Riff Raff and Magenta, sick of being Frank's servants, decide to kill him and return to their home planet, Transsexual, in the galaxy Transylvania. Did that planet replace Pluto? Can Neil DeGrasse Tyson tell us where it is?
Riff Raff blasts Columbia with the laser, then turns it on Frank, killing them both. Rocky, angry with grief, grabs Frank's body. Riff Raff's lasers reflect off Rocky's chiseled pecs. Rocky climbs a radio tower as if he were King Kong, but the tower topples under his weight, killing him.
Before blasting off in the castle, which doubles as a rocket ship (not very aerodynamic), Riff Raff and Magenta set the humans free. The castle rockets into space as Brad, Janet, and the doctor crawl around in the dirt. That's going to ruin those new stockings.