- We begin in a blurry hallway. A shadowy figure marches toward us.
- Is it Slenderman?
- No, it's a different slender man: James Bond.
- Bond enters a hotel room and finds three men dead.
- Housekeeping is going to have a hard time getting all the bloodstains out.
- The men appear to be fellow agents. They were attacked, and their hard drive has been stolen.
- Bond tries to save one man, who is still breathing.
- M, speaking to Bond on a wireless headset, orders Bond to leave the man to die.
- Bond leaves the hotel and gets into a car with a woman to pursue the bad guys through the streets of Istanbul.
- The two run a black car off the road and into a market stall.
- The man in the car gets out and opens fire with a little machine gun. Talk about road rage.
- The bad guy hops on a motorbike, and Bond gives chase on a bike of his own.
- The woman driver also tracks the bad guy, and she and Bond sandwich him on a bridge.
- Our baddie in brown jumps off the bridge and onto a moving train.
- Bond wastes no time leaping onto the train, too.
- After a gunfight on the Istanbul Express, during which Bond is hit, Bond boards a construction vehicle that is on the train and attempts to use its big metal scoop to knock the guy off the train.
- This is the most extreme version of Crane Game ever played.
- Bad guy, who has an infinite number of bullets in his gun, uncouples the train cars.
- Bond bridges the gap with the digger's scoop and continues his pursuit as the train enters a dark tunnel.
- Inside the tunnel, the two men engage in a fierce fistfight.
- On the other side, the woman driver waits with a sniper rifle to pick off Bond's rival. She radios M, saying that she has a shot—but there is a chance she might hit Bond.
- M orders the woman to "take the bloody shot."
- The shot is quite bloody. The agent hits Bond, and he falls off the train into the water below.
- Bond's body is swept away by the river and over a waterfall.
- Um, we still have two hours to go, and Bond is already dead?
- To make this moment even more emotional, here comes Adele to sing the opening theme and really run your feelings through the wringer. Thanks, Adele.