Interview with Sons of Mil
Dagda: Good morning and welcome to Celtic Crossfire, the show where two pundits debate important issues and one of them—that's me—usually comes out on top. I'm your good host, Dagda of the Tuatha de Danaan. With me, as always, is Eremon, king of the Milesians.
Eremon: Thanks, Dagda. I'm Eremon, who rules Ireland with a handsome, iron fist. Today, we'll be debating who has the right to rule this great green nation of ours—the Tuatha de Danaan or the Milesians? I'm for the Milesians, obviously, as we beat the Tuatha de Danaan fair and square.
Dagda: And I'm for the Tuatha de Danaan, since we were here first and were unfairly shoved underground to live in the hills and vales of our Ireland.
Eremon: I'll state my claim first.
Dagda: Too late. I beat you to it. You and your men came to Ireland without any prior claim to it. How is that fair?
Eremon: How can you say that? One of our men, my father's uncle Ith, came to Ireland, thinking it was the prettiest place he'd ever seen. He advised your three kings, Mac Greine, Mac Cuill, and Mac Cecht, to settle their quarrels and stop bickering with each other. In return, what did they give him? Nothing! They killed him! Our people mourned Ith's death and justly called for revenge. He was a warrior and a magician, a valued man of our society. So, we gathered our allies and sailed to Ireland to avenge our kinsman. Under what regime is that unfair?
Dagda: You've got a good point there. I don't think that the killing of Ith was fair at all, but why do you have to punish all of us for the crime of three of our kings?
Eremon: Your kings represent your people, right? So, by punishing everyone, we punish them, and vice-versa.
Dagda: But you didn't have to kill us or send us underground! We don't deserve to be maltreated.
Eremon: I don't see why not. You maltreated one of ours.
Dagda: One!
Eremon: He was one of our royal family, so he represented all of us. It's as if you killed a representative of our entire clan!
Dagda: I disagree. After all, our three queens, wives of our kings, honored you with control and sovereignty of Ireland. Yet you dishonored their husbands.
Eremon: That's what their hubbies deserved for doing that to Ith. We honored their wives accordingly. When we met up with the three queens on our way to Tara to meet the Tuatha de Danaan, Eriu, Fotla, and Banba, we promised them that each would have her name used to name Ireland. Eriu's, of course, became the primary name for Ireland, but each lady was nice enough to us that we agreed to honor them forever.
Dagda: That's great and all, but Amergin is the only one among you with any honor or decency!
Eremon: How's that so?
Dagda: When you and your sixty-five ships sailed in to Ireland, we met you all there. We used our druidic powers to halt you in the ocean and pulled up a lot of mist so you couldn't see anything or where you were sailing. You marched to Tara and chose Amergin as your ambassador. That's one of the only good choices you made!
Eremon: He's my brother, so I love him, but why would you say that to me?
Dagda: He said, very kindly, that we would have to fight for our country—in honorable combat—or give it up peacefully. At least he didn't force us to give it up via the sword! We used our druids to threaten you all, but Amergin had a really good—and fair—idea. We'd sail out to sea and invade again.
Eremon: He gave you a do-over. I thought that was a bit too generous, but we did it anyway since we were so confident—and rightly so. We sailed nine waves' distance back into the sea and we promised we wouldn't come back if you could keep us off the shores.
Dagda: We blew up a storm and you tried to sail in, but Amergin's powers were too great. He chanted some awesome poem that made our druids' magic into piecemeal.
Eremon: Yup. And we beat you, fair and square.
Dagda: But you killed our three kings and our three queens! You murdered the very women you claimed to want to honor.
Eremon: We promised to honor their memories by giving Ireland their various names, but we never promised to honor them specifically.
Dagda: That's semantics. And you treated us dishonorably.
Eremon: I don't think we did. We won our part of the bargain—we now rule the island since we beat you. But we still let you live in Ireland. That was pretty generous.
Dagda: I don't agree, but that's all we have time for today! Next week, tune in for the Lucky Charms vs. Fruit Loops debate.