Who should be the most nervous at parent-teacher conferences?

The parents, because the teacher is going to tell them all the things their Darling Dilbert is doing wrong? The teacher, because the parents are going to complain about all the things the teacher is doing wrong for Darling Dilbert? Or Dilbert, because they both see right through him?

Let's hope that in real life, this conference thing isn't too big a stressor for any of the above. What it should be is an opportunity for you to get to know your child's teacher, get a second opinion (after that of your child) about how school is going, and find out how you can best work with the teacher to support that educational journey.

And hey—not just the teacher, but your child, too. Some schools have a student-led parent-teacher conference model (read up on that right here) and others keep the chatter between the adults, but either way, this isn't about whether you get along with the teacher: it's about what you're both doing for your child.

Take advantage of that opportunity by asking these questions (or some variety on them). That way you'll maximize information and bonding time, and maybe even learn a thing or two about your Darling Dil.

Plus there will be fewer awkward pauses. Just sayin'.

1. "How do you assess student progress, and how is my child doing?"

We know, it's kind of two questions. But they're rolled into one because it takes knowing the process to know how it affects your child, and that's what you really care about, right?

So in general, it can be helpful to you, as well as to your child, to understand exactly how teachers will be monitoring and assessing student progress over the course of the year. Plus, by asking the question this way, you'll be able to see the direct link between your child's performance and the grades she receives at the end of the term.

Perhaps there will be great emphasis on pop quizzes, essay writing, class participation, or homework completion, or perhaps more emphasis will be placed on process, effort, organization, and communication than on test scores. If you have a clear understanding of how your child will be evaluated, you'll be better able to both advocate for your child and help your child focus her efforts wisely.

2. "How is my child doing socially?"

Academics aren't everything. Children who are excelling academically could be struggling with peers, a lack of confidence, or emotional or mental health issues that could eventually begin to have an effect in other areas of their lives. Since your child is probably spending at least 50% of his waking hours at school, it's important to know how he's doing in all aspects, and your child's teacher may have some valuable insights for you that you may not be able to glean from your child's reporting methods alone.

This is especially important if you're having difficulty connecting with your child at home, or if you get the dreaded " Nothing" when you ask how school was today. It could be reassuring to know that your child's teachers see none of the difficult behaviors that you encounter on a daily basis—or alternately, get a sense of how a different adult addresses those behaviors. In either case, your child's teacher (or school counselors) maybe able to provide some ideas to help improve your relationship with your child at home, or ways to connect you may not have thought of.

Remember, this is what they do: help children grow and develop into healthy, productive, well-educated adults. Many teachers have extensive backgrounds and advanced degrees in early childhood and adolescent development, so feel free to seek their advice. It may be spot-on.

3. "What one thing should I focus on to help my child improve and work on to the best of her ability?"

Why one thing? Two reasons. First, if your child is having a lot of difficulty in school, there may be a tendency to try to make too many changes too fast. In our article "How to Provide Effective Feedback," we offered the following analogy:

"Consider a coach talking to athletes during half time of a championship game. If that coach were to point out every last thing the players needed to do differently, they'd be so preoccupied by all the instructions that they wouldn't be able to get anything right in the second half. That's why coaches only offer one or two bits of advice to their teams: the one or two most important changes that'll help them win the game."

Get the gist? In similar form, if your child needs to improve in numerous areas, better to focus on them one at a time than overwhelm the poor kid with endless bullet points of fix-its.

Second reason: there's always room for improvement. If you're hearing from teacher after teacher that your child is doing just great, you may be tempted to sit back and assume there's nothing left for you to do.

Don't. Instead, ask the question.

Maybe your child is pushing herself a little too hard and could use a touch of backing off from that perfectionist streak. Perhaps your child is academically gifted and could use a greater challenge. Or maybe she could stand to be pushed outside his comfort zone, improve her social skills, or work up to her full potential—whether that means straight A's, or something different.

We're not suggesting that you hound a child who's performing well in every way—just that you make sure you discuss your child holistically to make sure you're getting a full picture and giving her the attention and encouragement she deserves to help her do her best.

4. "What can I do to support the work you're doing in the classroom?"

Seriously, ask this question no matter how overscheduled you may be. Why? Because it's important for you to be invested and involved in your child's education. Children with involved parents typically demonstrate greater academic achievement.

Plus, no teacher is going to say that you can support by spending five hours a day to fold paper hats. They may surprise you with requests that don't make impossible demands on your schedule.

Sure, sometimes a teacher may be looking for a classroom volunteer or someone to put together a class website or newsletter, and those might be ways in which you simply can't help. But it's also possible that you and your child's teacher may discover a way to coordinate your efforts in order to help your child learn a new concept, complete homework, get to class on time, become more organized, or develop confidence. And after all, it never hurts to ask, right?

5. "What is the best way for me to contact you?"

You know how you always think of the perfect thing to say in response to a barb or insult ten minutes too late? Well, you're bound to come up with a few things you wish you had asked the day after (or hey—even ten minutes after) your conference. Not that your child's teacher is going to throw you a barb or an insult—just that you still might think of one more specific question you forgot before (we can't cover them all, you know).

Find out how your child's teacher prefers to be contacted (email, phone, text, app), when the best times for contact are, and how long you should expect to wait for a response. You can also offer your preferred contact information at this time to make sure the lines of communication stay open.

Because the best relationships between parents and teachers are the ones that don't exist just at parent-teacher conference time, or when there's a problem. Where your child's education is concerned, it's important to keep that connection, however you plan to use it.