University of California--Berkeley

About Me

Intro

I'm the brainiac who's super cool and edgy. In fact, call me avant-garde, progressive—whatever word you want that best conveys how incredibly sexy my weird, yet high-achieving, academic student body makes me. If I were a cinematic savior, I'd be Neo from The Matrix. I'm steeped in deep, philosophical meaning, with a super flexible body.

Okay, okay. Maybe that's my fantasy of myself. In reality, I'm not exactly wearing that long, black trench coat with dark glasses. (I'll leave that to all you NYU folks.) I'm more of an oddball creative genius.

I like being the place where people revel in intellectual freedom so much that they come up with stuff no one else has ever dreamed of. That mouse you're clicking, for example? That was created by a UCB alum. So what if my students happen to sport old t-shirts, jeans, and flip-flops? I say, "Dream big, dress up later."

Name

Oski the Bear. The most important animal in California. Ever seen our flag?

Hometown

Berkeley, California—the quintessential hippie town, home for radical lefties and vegans alike. All of those other fringe-friendly places (I'm looking at you Portland, OR) are just second-place wannabes.

Birthdate

1868, an extremely progressive year in my opinion. Not only was I born, but all former slaves and their descendants were legally granted full citizenship by the Fourteenth Amendment.

Body Type

I'm titanic, without the whole crashing into icebergs part…(For my actual digits, take a look at my stats.) People like to call me a "large public research university," which is really code for, "Good luck getting to know your professors."

My students save their socializing for the great outdoors and believe me, mine are great. There are parts of campus that make you feel like you've just stepped into a forest. One moment you're in class, and a few steps later you're standing on an old, wooden bridge stretching over a creek watching trees sway in the wind around you.

On any given day, you might see people tossing a Frisbee in the fields or sitting in a circle playing music by the trees.

Current Living Situation

Alright, here's what you need to know straight off about living at my humble abode. You'll learn—really quickly—what it means to live independently because that's what most of my Bears do. We live in the woods. No, just kidding…kind of.

But seriously, most Cal students live off campus, in apartments, in co-ops, or in one of the many beautiful Victorian-style houses surrounding me. Of course, if you're of the Greek persuasion, there's also Fraternity and Sorority Row…just be ready for a lot of drunken nights.

I have typical dorms as well, but those tend to be reserved for incoming first-years, select second-years, or seniors who want to be RAs (Resident Advisors). Luckily, the powers that be have made significant improvements to the dorms since the 1990s. Back then, you were dealing with cinderblocks and actual roaches for roommates.

Today's dorms are nice and new. Depending on where you live, you might even find yourself in a large, co-ed bathroom arrangement. We're progressive, remember? So if you're not comfortable with catching a glimpse of the opposite sex en route to a shower, then you should probably search for other housing options.

Relationship Status

Okay, I'm definitely single, but some other bloke from across the Bay—goes by the name of Stanford—likes to think we're in some kind of back-and-forth relationship.

Occasionally, we get together and pretend to be friendly rivals for the Big Game (our annual football game). To be honest, I really don't care that much about our Big Game because I've got more important things to deal with…like, you know, real-world problems.

I'm working on turning thoughts into speech. Do you see Stanford doing that?

Religion

The main thing we preach is acceptance, whether you're into Goddesses, Earth Mothers, Buddhist Zen masters, or psychics. Anything goes as long as you're not into denying other people their right to choose their own paths in life.

Politics

Everyone thinks I'm all about campus protests and sticking it to "the man." Well, okay, I definitely am, and I have the track record to prove it. After all, I defined the radical leftist politics of the 60s and 70s. However, that doesn't mean that I'm as radical as everyone thinks I am. I've simmered down over the years.

When there's a fight, I'll fight it—campus sit-ins and all. But, for the most part, I'm your run-of-the-mill liberal.

You should apply to me if...

you plan on becoming the next mad genius. Or you just want to learn how to keep fighting the good fight.