I Never Promised You a Rose Garden Chapter 9 Summary

  • In a session with Dr. Fried, Deborah says that while the summer camp she attended was anti-Semitic, at school she was disliked just for how she was in general.
  • Deborah found herself constantly apologizing to classmates and housemaids at home, but she never knew what she was apologizing for.
  • Deborah tells Dr. Fried how she drew in her sketchbook and kept to herself at school. When a picture fell out of her sketchbook one day, her classmates tried to figure out who drew it. Deborah lied and said it wasn't hers. She's still angry because she feels they made her lie about it. But Dr. Fried tries to get Deborah to see that she was the one who feared rejection and mockery. Nobody made her repudiate her art but herself.
  • Carla comes back to D ward, and Deborah muses that D ward isn't really the scariest ward in the hospital, just the most honest. All the patients there can wear their craziness on their sleeves and not pretend.
  • A fellow ward member, Lee Miller, tells Deborah about Doris Rivera, a former patient who now lives in the outside world. As soon as Deborah hears this success story, Anterrabae threatens her against thinking she could ever be a normal, functioning person in the world. It makes Deborah dizzy and scared. The Collect also starts roaring nasty things at her to break her hope of ever being a normal person of Earth.
  • Deborah can feel the punishment of Yr approaching to squash her hope of getting better. Even though Deborah is so panicked she can't speak, she's able to get the attention of the attendant, McPherson, who gets her into a cold-sheet pack where she feels safe.
  • More patients are put up in packs that same night, including Carla, Lee, and Helene. Carla, who's in the pack next to Deborah, says the meltdowns that night are because they heard about Doris Rivera. Carla insists it's because Doris shows them that the world could be open to them one day, and this idea makes them feel panic.
  • Deborah is so threatened by the idea she could be free that she starts to feel like she did at home—like a volcano hidden beneath a quiet, still mountain. So she tells Carla to go to hell, which is what you do to a best friend who has pointed out an obvious truth that makes you uncomfortable. Right?
  • Deborah also insults Carla and brings up Carla's crazy mother, who killed herself.
  • Deborah then apologizes and admits that the story of Doris Rivera was responsible for making them all nervous.
  • Deborah realizes that Carla didn't lash out and insult her in return, and the idea of having a true, kind friend makes her scared.