Read the full text of The Merry Wives of Windsor Act 2 Scene 3 with a side-by-side translation HERE.
- Remember that Caius challenged Evans to a duel? Well, they're getting ready to rumble in a field in Windsor Park. Caius is all dramatic.
- He slashes his sword around and declares that Evans is lucky he's a no-show—otherwise, the clergyman would be dog meat by now.
- Here comes someone—but it's not Evans. It's the Host of the Garter Inn, with Master Page, Slender, and Shallow, all there to see the big fight.
- The Host is all "Gee, Caius, where's Evans? Did you kill him already?"
- Caius waves around his sword and talks more trash about Evans in his super thick and super hilarious (if you're a 16th century Englishman) French accent.
- Shallow and Page point out that Doctor Caius is supposed to heal people, not kill them, but who asked them?
- The Host proceeds to insult Caius by using a bunch of English slang that the French doctor doesn't understand.
- At one point, he calls him "Monsieur Mockwater" (translation: a guy who's sterile and also a coward).
- Caius asks "Mockvater? Vat is that?" Oh, you know, just a little English slang for "brave."
- Caius declares that he's got just as much "mockwater" as an Englishman.
- The Host thinks this is absolutely hilarious, but he eventually stops laughing long enough to whisper to his friends that they should go over to Frogmore fields where Evans is waiting.
- He promises to bring Caius there later so they can have some more fun.
- Then, Page, Shallow, and Slender take off for Frogmore.
- The Host tells Caius that Anne Page is having dinner with friends at a farmhouse on the other side of Frogmore fields and that he'll lead the way for Caius to see her.
- Caius is totally psyched to have an opportunity to put the moves on her.