Twelfth Night, or What You Will: Act 3, Scene 1 Translation

A side-by-side translation of Act 3, Scene 1 of Twelfth Night, or What You Will from the original Shakespeare into modern English.

  Original Text

 Translated Text

  Source: Folger Shakespeare Library

Enter Viola and Feste, the Fool, playing a tabor.

VIOLA Save thee, friend, and thy music. Dost thou live
by thy tabor?

FOOL No, sir, I live by the church.

VIOLA Art thou a churchman?

FOOL No such matter, sir. I do live by the church, for I 5
do live at my house, and my house doth stand by the
church.

VIOLA So thou mayst say the king lies by a beggar if a
beggar dwell near him, or the church stands by thy
tabor if thy tabor stand by the church. 10

FOOL You have said, sir. To see this age! A sentence is
but a chev’ril glove to a good wit. How quickly the
wrong side may be turned outward!

VIOLA Nay, that’s certain. They that dally nicely with
words may quickly make them wanton. 15

FOOL I would therefore my sister had had no name,
sir.

VIOLA Why, man?

FOOL Why, sir, her name’s a word, and to dally with
that word might make my sister wanton. But, 20
indeed, words are very rascals since bonds disgraced
them.

VIOLA Thy reason, man?

FOOL Troth, sir, I can yield you none without words,
and words are grown so false I am loath to prove 25
reason with them.

VIOLA I warrant thou art a merry fellow and car’st for
nothing.

FOOL Not so, sir. I do care for something. But in my
conscience, sir, I do not care for you. If that be to 30
care for nothing, sir, I would it would make you
invisible.

VIOLA Art not thou the Lady Olivia’s Fool?

FOOL No, indeed, sir. The Lady Olivia has no folly. She
will keep no Fool, sir, till she be married, and Fools 35
are as like husbands as pilchers are to herrings: the
husband’s the bigger. I am indeed not her Fool but
her corrupter of words.

VIOLA I saw thee late at the Count Orsino’s.

FOOL Foolery, sir, does walk about the orb like the 40
sun; it shines everywhere. I would be sorry, sir, but
the Fool should be as oft with your master as with
my mistress. I think I saw your Wisdom there.

VIOLA Nay, an thou pass upon me, I’ll no more with
thee. Hold, there’s expenses for thee. 45
Giving a coin.

FOOL Now Jove, in his next commodity of hair, send
thee a beard!

VIOLA By my troth I’ll tell thee, I am almost sick for
one, aside though I would not have it grow on my
chin.—Is thy lady within? 50

FOOL Would not a pair of these have bred, sir?

VIOLA Yes, being kept together and put to use.

FOOL I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia, sir, to
bring a Cressida to this Troilus.

VIOLA I understand you, sir. ’Tis well begged.  55
Giving another coin.

FOOL The matter I hope is not great, sir, begging but a
beggar: Cressida was a beggar. My lady is within, sir.
I will conster to them whence you come. Who you
are and what you would are out of my welkin—I
might say “element,” but the word is overworn. 60

He exits.

In Olivia's garden, "Cesario" and Feste shoot the breeze. They talk about how easy it is to play with words and make them have double meanings.

Feste says for that reason, he wishes his sister didn't have a name. Why? Because someone could mess around with her name and make it into something that means "whore." (Kind of like the cruel way that kids tease each other, right?) 

He also says words are so unreliable that he prefers not to use them when discussing serious matters. (Funny guy.)

When "Cesario" asks if Feste is Olivia's fool, he says he's not a fool at all, just someone who turns words into whores. 

"Cesario" gives him some spare change for his cleverness, and asks if Olivia is in. When Feste implies "Cesario" should give him some more money to fetch Olivia, "Cesario" obliges.

VIOLA
This fellow is wise enough to play the Fool,
And to do that well craves a kind of wit.
He must observe their mood on whom he jests,
The quality of persons, and the time,
And, like the haggard, check at every feather 65
That comes before his eye. This is a practice
As full of labor as a wise man’s art:
For folly that he wisely shows is fit;
But wise men, folly-fall’n, quite taint their wit.

Left alone, Viola notes how brilliant Feste is and says that being a Fool takes a lot of talent and an ability to read people. Feste shows how smart he is by playing the fool, whereas smart people only look foolish when they're fooled. 

Enter Sir Toby and Andrew.

TOBY Save you, gentleman. 70

VIOLA And you, sir.

ANDREW Dieu vous garde, monsieur.

VIOLA Et vous aussi. Votre serviteur! 

ANDREW I hope, sir, you are, and I am yours.

TOBY Will you encounter the house? My niece is 75
desirous you should enter, if your trade be to her.

VIOLA I am bound to your niece, sir; I mean, she is the
list of my voyage.

TOBY Taste your legs, sir; put them to motion.

VIOLA My legs do better understand me, sir, than I 80
understand what you mean by bidding me taste my
legs.

TOBY I mean, to go, sir, to enter.

VIOLA I will answer you with gait and entrance—but
we are prevented. 85

Enter Olivia, and Maria, her Gentlewoman.

Most excellent accomplished lady, the heavens rain
odors on you!

ANDREW, aside That youth’s a rare courtier. “Rain
odors,” well.

VIOLA My matter hath no voice, lady, but to your own 90
most pregnant and vouchsafed ear.

ANDREW, aside “Odors,” “pregnant,” and “vouchsafed.”
I’ll get ’em all three all ready.

Sir Toby and Sir Andrew enter the garden and say "hey" to "Cesario." 

They tell "Cesario" to go on in, Olivia's waiting for him, but Andrew uses the phrase "taste your legs" to tell "Cesario" to get moving.

"Cesario" says "his" legs are better at standing under "him" than "he" is at understanding what Andrew just said. 

No matter. Olivia comes out, and "Cesario" says some fine words that Andrew admires. He says he's storing these words away so he can use them himself later. 

OLIVIA Let the garden door be shut, and leave me to
my hearing. Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and Maria exit. 95
Give me your hand, sir.

VIOLA
My duty, madam, and most humble service.

OLIVIA What is your name?

VIOLA
Cesario is your servant’s name, fair princess.

OLIVIA
My servant, sir? ’Twas never merry world 100
Since lowly feigning was called compliment.
You’re servant to the Count Orsino, youth.

VIOLA
And he is yours, and his must needs be yours.
Your servant’s servant is your servant, madam.

OLIVIA
For him, I think not on him. For his thoughts, 105
Would they were blanks rather than filled with me.

VIOLA
Madam, I come to whet your gentle thoughts
On his behalf.

OLIVIA O, by your leave, I pray you.
I bade you never speak again of him. 110
But would you undertake another suit,
I had rather hear you to solicit that
Than music from the spheres.

VIOLA Dear lady—

OLIVIA
Give me leave, beseech you. I did send, 115
After the last enchantment you did here,
A ring in chase of you. So did I abuse
Myself, my servant, and, I fear me, you.
Under your hard construction must I sit,
To force that on you in a shameful cunning 120
Which you knew none of yours. What might you
think?
Have you not set mine honor at the stake
And baited it with all th’ unmuzzled thoughts
That tyrannous heart can think? To one of your 125
receiving
Enough is shown. A cypress, not a bosom,
Hides my heart. So, let me hear you speak.

Olivia sends everyone away except "Cesario."

Alone in the garden, Olivia holds "Cesario's" hand and flirts it up. 

"Cesario" tries to speak for Orsino, but Olivia says she doesn't want to hear his name again. In fact, she wishes that "Cesario" would start pursuing her for himself instead of continuing to act on Orsino's behalf. 

"Cesario" tries to give Olivia the brush off, but Olivia tells "Cesario" she's got the serious hots for him and demands to hear what "he" thinks of her.

VIOLA
I pity you.

OLIVIA That’s a degree to love. 130

VIOLA
No, not a grize, for ’tis a vulgar proof
That very oft we pity enemies.

OLIVIA
Why then methinks ’tis time to smile again.
O world, how apt the poor are to be proud!
If one should be a prey, how much the better 135
To fall before the lion than the wolf. Clock strikes.
The clock upbraids me with the waste of time.
Be not afraid, good youth, I will not have you.
And yet when wit and youth is come to harvest,
Your wife is like to reap a proper man. 140
There lies your way, due west.

VIOLA Then westward ho!
Grace and good disposition attend your Ladyship.
You’ll nothing, madam, to my lord by me?

OLIVIA
Stay. I prithee, tell me what thou think’st of me. 145

"Cesario" says that he feels sorry for Olivia. Ouch. 

Olivia tries to say that pity is a form of love, but "Cesario" disagrees. 

Then Olivia says fine, I won't push anymore, but some day, when you're older, some girl is going to be very lucky to have you for a husband. Now get lost. 

"Cesario" says, okay. Are you sure there's nothing you want me to tell Orsino? 

Viola/Cesario should have just gone while the going was good, because next Olivia begs "him" to wait—don't go. Tell me what you think of me.

VIOLA
That you do think you are not what you are.

OLIVIA
If I think so, I think the same of you.

VIOLA
Then think you right. I am not what I am.

OLIVIA
I would you were as I would have you be.

VIOLA
Would it be better, madam, than I am? 150
I wish it might, for now I am your fool.

OLIVIA, aside
O, what a deal of scorn looks beautiful
In the contempt and anger of his lip!
A murd’rous guilt shows not itself more soon
Than love that would seem hid. Love’s night is 155
noon.—
Cesario, by the roses of the spring,
By maidhood, honor, truth, and everything,
I love thee so, that, maugre all thy pride,
Nor wit nor reason can my passion hide. 160
Do not extort thy reasons from this clause,
For that I woo, thou therefore hast no cause;
But rather reason thus with reason fetter:
Love sought is good, but given unsought is better.

VIOLA
By innocence I swear, and by my youth, 165
I have one heart, one bosom, and one truth,
And that no woman has, nor never none
Shall mistress be of it, save I alone.
And so adieu, good madam. Nevermore
Will I my master’s tears to you deplore. 170

OLIVIA
Yet come again, for thou perhaps mayst move
That heart, which now abhors, to like his love.

They exit in different directions.

"Cesario" says that "he" thinks Olivia isn't what she thinks she is, as in, in love with a man...because "Cesario" isn't one.

They go back and forth with the "I think you think that I think that you think" stuff for a minute, and then Olivia, who's so confused by "Cesario," basically throws herself at "him" and says he should realize that the passion she feels for him is pretty darned spectacular. In fact, it's worth even more because he hasn't asked for it—she's just giving it to him. 

"Cesario" says "his" heart belongs to "no woman" and never will. The audience gets it but Olivia doesn't.

When it's time for "Cesario" to go, Olivia says feel free to come back and see me any time. Maybe you'll feel differently. Sheesh. These people can't take no for an answer!