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The Catcher in the Rye 114659 Views


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Description:

Welcome to the first world problem pity parade. Strap in.

Language:
English Language

Transcript

00:02

The Catcher in the Rye, a la Shmoop.

00:06

My name is Holden Caulfield, and I'm going to tell you about the worst weekend any teenager [Holden talking]

00:11

has ever had to suffer.

00:13

And I’d just like to start off by saying… none of this stupid stuff ever would have [Family crying]

00:17

happened if it had been me that had gotten leukemia and died, instead of my brother Allie. [Allie Caulfield's gravestone]

00:23

Fate is just cruel and stupid sometimes.

00:26

But okay, here goes.

00:27

On the Saturday before Christmas break, I lost the fencing team's equipment on the subway [Holden leaves the fencing equipment on a bench]

00:33

and missed the biggest football game of the year.

00:35

Then I went to chat with my history teacher, but he started reading at me from a paper

00:40

I wrote and I was like, "dude, seriously, I know what I wrote, you don't have to read [Teacher holding up a paper]

00:45

it back to me."

00:46

To top everything off, I got into it with my roommate, and he beat me up. [Holden gets punched by his room mate]

00:51

Oh…did I forget to mention?

00:52

I was also expelled from my super-expensive private school. [Holden walking away from Pencey Prep school]

00:56

Yeah…and this is just Day One of the Worst Weekend Ever.

01:00

So I skipped out on ol' Pencey Prep and headed to New York City, thinking I'd spend a few

01:05

days in the Big Apple before reporting back to the parentals. [Holden sat on a train]

01:09

I ended up in the not-so-swanky Edmont Hotel.

01:13

If only we had had Yelp back then… [Hotel with missing windows and a broken sign]

01:15

We were also missing Netflix, so I had to find a way to kill time.

01:20

Which is how I ended up looking for a lady to spend some…ya know…quality time with… [Holden walking up to a lady on the street]

01:25

Give her the time, y'know what I'm saying here right people?

01:28

It didn't work out too hot.

01:30

I got pimp-punched for my trouble. [Holden gets punched in the face again]

01:32

But there's a always a lesson to be learned, and the takeaway here?

01:35

Be grateful for Netflix.

01:37

Then it was Sunday.

01:38

I know what you're thinking…

01:39

"It's a new day!

01:40

Things will get better!

01:41

Who needs Netflix?"

01:42

You know who says stuff like that? [Holden in bed with a black eye]

01:44

Phonies, that's who.

01:45

Anyway, I went on a date with this girl I knew, shot my mouth off, and well she ditched me… [The girl stands up and punches Holden]

01:51

…then I bought a record for my kid sister, Phoebe, which I promptly broke.

01:55

Can't a guy catch a break? [Holden accidentally drops the record]

01:57

While my folks were away from home, I went to visit Phoebe.

02:00

I told her that I was the catcher in the rye…y'know, the guy who's supposed to save children from

02:05

falling off the cliff and losing their innocence, or whatever... [Kid falls off a cliff and Holden catches him]

02:09

Hey, it made sense when I said it.

02:11

But soon enough, my parents came back, and I escaped from the apartment to see my old

02:14

English teacher, Mr. Antolini, who didn't much care for my whole “catcher in the rye” shtick. [Holden meets english teacher in the gym]

02:20

I fell asleep at Mr. Antolini's, but woke up in the middle of the night to find him

02:24

patting my head, like I was some kind of dog, or something. [Mr. Antolini patting Holden's head]

02:27

Anyway, it kind of weirded me out, so I left.

02:30

I wandered around for a while before I decided to head out west and live as a recluse, because [Holden walking down a street]

02:35

that makes about as much sense as anything else I've done.

02:38

However, after I broke Phoebe's heart by telling her she couldn't come with me... [Phoebe crying]

02:42

...I decided to stay home.

02:43

I took Phoebe to the zoo and she rode the carousel and she was so happy that…I dunno, [Holden and Phoebe look excited]

02:48

it made me kinda happy…

02:49

And… well that's about it.

02:50

That was how I ended my worst weekend ever.

02:53

And now?

02:54

Well, now I'm in a mental hospital, where I hang around with this guy named Jerry who [Holden walks over to Jerry]

02:58

goes on and on about conspiracy theories and what an evil jerk Jean-Luc Picard is. [Jerry starts to shake]

03:03

He told me I was an inspiration to the man who shot John Lennon. [Jerry looks angry]

03:07

So hey… things are looking up!

03:08

Huh, well would you look at that?

03:10

I'm being phony.

03:12

Life blows.

03:13

But hey…on the bright side, only a few more decades until Netflix comes around. [A TV plays static]

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