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What Voice Should I Use in My College Application Essay? 559 Views


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Description:

As much as everyone compliments you on your dead-on Al Pacino impression, your college application is neither the time nor the place to let it out. Save it for improv night. Hoo-ah.

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English Language

Transcript

00:08

What Voice Should I Use in My College Application Essay? a la Shmoop.

00:17

Before you know it, high school will be a distant memory…

00:19

…and you’re going to want to follow it up by moving on to a quality institution of

00:22

higher education. Of which your Uncle Morty’s house does not

00:24

alas qualify. No matter how much he thinks he knows. About everything.

00:24

This is not your everyday, run-of-the-mill persuasive essay.

00:26

Yes, you are trying to be persuasive… …but in this case you’re not trying to

00:29

form a clever argument. Instead, it’s your chance to present a true

00:31

portrait of who you are, and allow the admissions officers to simply revel in your awesomeness.

00:37

So, because you are basically just telling a story about yourself…

00:42

…you can use a narrative voice. In other words, you can write in first person.

00:47

So… say you want to tell a prospective college about the time you rehomed puppies who lost

00:55

their homes in the tsunami.

00:57

How could they not fall head over heels for you after hearing about that one?

01:03

Here’s what you don’t want to say…

01:06

“I will be a great asset to your school because I learned the value of hard work and

01:11

gained compassion by helping puppies in Japan.”

01:13

While it’s a nice sentiment, and the admissions office is probably thrilled to hear you weren’t

01:13

spending your time in Japan making Schnauzer tempura…

01:16

…they’re likely going to gag on a sentence like that one.

01:19

Rather, tell them the story of your puppy-saving mission, and let the work you did speak for

01:30

itself.

01:31

“The work was hard, and at the end of each day I would spend twenty to thirty minutes

01:36

just pulling splinters out of my hands and feet. I was exhausted – but each time I

01:40

would uncover a still-breathing puppy under a pile of rubble, I was reminded of the importance

01:45

of my mission.”

01:46

Still gets the point across, but… not quite as self-serving.

01:48

Because your Japanese tsunami adventure is your story…

01:52

…make sure to tell it as… yourself. You’re not your parents, a college graduate

01:53

of a literature professor, so put down the thesaurus and speak in your own voice.

01:55

If you wouldn’t say it, don’t write it.

01:56

Schools want to know who you are. At least… they think they do…

01:57

So… just ask yourself how much you’d want to read a sentence like this one:

02:01

“Through this excursion into the depths of human pain and suffering, I saw firsthand

02:06

the devastating effects of unfettered economic development spurred on by capitalistic and

02:10

laissez-faire ambition."

02:12

It’s lines like that for which the term “ugh” was invented.

02:15

Instead, how about:

02:18

“After the tsunami, the sprawling coastal development which once housed thousands of

02:24

people was reduced to twisted metal, splintered wood, and lonesome teddy bears.”

02:29

Sounds less like you’re trying to impress with your vocabulary, and more like you just

02:33

want your reader to see… what you saw.

02:34

Plus, you sound more like an intelligent, thoughtful 18-year-old and less like a pompous

02:36

old fart who’s trying much too hard. Don’t fall into the McEssay crowd… a term

02:38

coined by University of Virginia admissions officer Park Muth<<mooth>>.

02:41

No, it’s not an antlered beast you’d find in Yellowstone, it’s just the guy’s name.

02:42

Anyway, he saw his fair share of application essays in that time, and his name for the

02:46

more mundane ones was “McEssay.”

02:49

You don’t want to write one. Or you’re going to make the reader… McSad.

02:50

There may be other applicants with puppy-saving stories… which doesn’t make your story

02:51

unimportant, but it does mean that you need to present your story in an interesting and

02:51

vivid way.

02:51

To do that… show, don’t tell. Paint a picture.

02:52

So none of this:

02:54

“Although I was just one person in a crowd of many, I really felt like I made a difference

02:59

in the lives of those affected by the tsunami.”

03:02

Who cares? It’s an obvious point, a little cheesy, and something that any other applicant

03:08

could say. Instead, lay it all out there and let the

03:10

reader form their own opinions, and don’t demand that they feel any particular emotion…

03:19

“Elbow to elbow with a hundred other aid workers, we slowly shuffled our way across

03:27

the thrashed coastline, literally picking up the pieces of other peoples' lives. A tea

03:32

set here, a porch swing there, and of course, plenty of helpless puppies.”

03:37

Above all, don’t be afraid to be yourself.

03:39

You are a unique individual, and there’s a college out there that’s just itching

03:43

to hear from you.

03:44

Not “Arthur Hornswallow,” your brilliant alter ego… you.

03:45

All right, that’s all you need to hear from us.

03:47

Go get ‘em, Tiger.

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