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Hermes (Mercury) 10200 Views


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Description:

As the son of Zeus, Hermes leads a pretty stressful life. How does he relax? With some casual theft, of course. But we're guessing you're not the son of Zeus, so we recommend a different relaxation technique…like bubble baths.

Language:
English Language

Transcript

00:04

Hermes, a la Shmoop.

00:06

That's Mercury for you and me.

00:09

Oh, heyyyy. Forgot the shoot was today.

00:12

Anyway, I'm Hermes, herald of Zeus...and, oh...don't mind all these wallets.

00:16

There was a sale at...um...Wallet Mart.

00:20

OK, whatevs, there wasn't any sale. I totally stole all of these. Hey, I'm the god of thieves.

00:25

What do you want from me?

00:26

I figure if people aren't smart enough to hold onto their stuff,

00:28

then they don't deserve to keep it.

00:31

Stealing's just.. kinda in my blood, ya know?

00:33

I've been thieving since I was a kid. I stole Apollo's sacred cattle when I was a toddler.

00:40

It was so funny because I walked the cattle backward,

00:42

making it mega-hard for Apollo to track us down.

00:48

Apollo was so steamed when he finally found us.

00:50

I managed to chill him out, though, by

00:52

playing him the lyre <<LIRE>>, which I'd found the time to invent that day--

00:56

because I'm just that amazing.

00:59

I traded the lyre for the sacred cattle, and Apollo and I were cool.

01:04

The best thing is that, ever since, I've had all the sacred hamburgers I can eat.

01:11

You can't blame me for stealing once in a while. I need a hobby.

01:14

My main job as a messenger of the gods is super stressful.

01:17

My dad, Zeus, is a pretty good boss, but he's majorly demanding.

01:22

At least he gave me these winged sandals to speed things up.

01:29

Sometimes the messages I bring are super important--like back during the Trojan War.

01:34

Though some messages were... more important than others.

01:39

Zeus had me help out some of his favorite heroes back in the day as well--like when

01:43

I leant Perseus my sandals to help him slay that hag, Medusa.

01:48

Between you and me, I kind of regret it, though. Perseus has some funky feet--just sayin'.

01:52

I also helped out Odysseus <<oh-DISS-ee-us>>

01:54

when he was dealing with Circe <<SIR-see>>, the sea witch.

01:57

I gave him a potion so that she couldn't turn him into a pig like the rest of his men.

02:04

Sometimes Zeus makes me do his dirty work, though, like the time he called a hit on

02:08

Argus Panoptes <<ARR-gose puh-NOP-tees>> and made me do the deed.

02:13

See... Zeus had been fooling around with a nymph named Io, and when he heard his wife

02:16

Hera coming, he changed Io into a white cow.

02:20

So Hera would think he was just... milkin' her... or making out with a cow, or somethin'?

02:27

Hera didn't really buy it and put her guy, Argus, in charge of watching over the cow.

02:31

Argus was a giant covered in eyes, so you couldn't really find a better watchman.

02:36

His optometrist bill must've been through the roof...

02:42

Anyway, Zeus wasn't about to let his wife get the better of him, so he sent me in to

02:46

liberate his favorite heifer. I lulled the big guy to sleep with my trusty lyre.

02:51

And then...well... I killed him in his sleep. Brutal? Yeah. But I was just following orders.

02:58

Argus was seriously unhappy about the way he went out, let me tell you. I got an earful

03:02

all the way down to the Land of the Dead.

03:05

Oh, I forgot to tell you. I'm also a psychopomp.

03:08

Ha, no, not a psychopath.

03:10

A psychopomp's job is to guide the souls of the dead down to the underworld.

03:16

Yeah, I do that on top of everything else. I'm a busy fella.

03:19

So, come on guys. Is it really a big deal if I steal a few things every now and then

03:24

just as a way to relieve stress? Everybody needs a hobby, right?

03:28

That's it for today, folks.

03:30

And by the way...that thing you've been missing, I swear I didn't take it...

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