Acupuncturist Punk. Salary: $45,000 or less

It's your first gig as a full-on, certified acupuncture person. You figure you only have a few years on this low salary so long as you can remember where to put the needles, like, 99% of the time.

Actual Acupuncturist. Salary: $60,000

You're still working at the clinic during the day, but your demeanor has earned you a few personal patients coming to see you on the weekends. It's a bit awkward turning strangers into porcupines while your spouse is doing the laundry in the room next to you, but there you have it.

Punctual Acupuncturist. Salary: $85,740

You're on time every day and make sure to never keep a patient waiting. With so many private appointments to keep beyond your three days at the clinic, anything short of an impeccably maintained appointment book would see you sunk.

Acute Acupuncturist. Salary: $100,000

Nobody needles like you. You're the acupuncturist everyone asks for at the clinic. Your hands are extraordinary and you have a great personality to match. Why not open up your own place?

Private Alternative Health Hospital Director. Salary: $140,500

You lean back in your chair and peer at the wall across from your desk. Just look at them there, mounted on the wall: Your first set of needles. It's been twenty years. You probably should have sanitized them by now.